To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

How much would it cost? How long until the car is paid off? How long will it take to save for the room to get done?

If it would improve his quality of life I’d do it now with the money without hesitating.

You could always replace it later when the car is paid off but I wouldn’t let him go without while there’s cash there to fix it.

Use it for the room now and pay it back (with interest) after the car?

I think use the savings as it will improve the room and benefit them but perhaps try and save some back to add back in for the future

@Sparklfairy

How much would it cost? How long until the car is paid off? How long will it take to save for the room to get done?

Sorry! That would’ve been helpful!! Probably about £800

The car will take around 2 years to pay off - possibly less but it just depends - we’ll funnel all spare money into it. It’s about £7k

That’s really interesting - I’m parent B - I think maybe my reluctance is because the money hasn’t come from my family and I don’t like to look grabby.

If it will enhance his life I would do it now and just replace the money when you have it to spare.

B, unless you are absolutely committed to replacing the money ASAP, including any lost interest - essentially using it as a short term loan from your son rather than a bank. While it sounds like it'd been given by the aunt without strings, I think I'd be disappointed to know money I'd given to a child was going towards something like furniture that I'd expect their parents to be funding

The money is for your son ... your sons room needs doing. I would use the money as it’s for him, and I wouldn’t replace the money either. It’s for your son. Would be very different if you were borrowing it for yourself, then you’d have to replace.

I'd ask the Aunt

I’m with parent B but would pay the money back once the car is paid off.

Let's face it, once this money is spent, it's never going to be replaced. They might intend to, but as it happens other expenses will appear and 'replacing the money' gets pushed further and further out.

I don't think this is the sort of thing the money was intended for. I'd wait for the car to be paid off and find money from other means to do up the room. Afterall, what would you have done if the aunt hadn't given you control of the money?

I would use the money and then pay it back into the account once you’re ready. I would think the money is to make life a bit easier probably with a view to later years but if it helps cash flow now then that would seem sensible if it improves his quality of life. I would however pay it back as it is likely technology and therapies will become more available in their lifetime to improve quality of life as adults and people/workplaces are becoming so much more aware of the benefits and talents held by those who may need some additional technologies to access/communicate their talents.

The money is for your sons benefit, if you think this will positively benefit your son then do it. If you think it will be only a marginal benefit for him don’t do it.

Ask the aunt. If the money is for DS and he will spend years in it then use the money esp as its only £800 out of £3000.

If I was the aunt, I don't think I'd want the money to be used to furnish DC's bedroom tbh. I would be saving it for them to do something they want with it when older.

Just ask her. I think she'd probably be delighted that it was going towards something that would benefit him for many years.

Ask the aunt what she thinks?

It is not actually your money to spend on their behalf. But you could perhaps use some of it to improve his life now, on the strict understanding between the parents that this will be repaid properly well before he comes of age, and the sooner the better.

Use it & then replace when you can?

I'd run it past the aunt. It may be exactly the sort of thing she had in mind when giving the money (I would be fine with it).

I’d just ask the aunt whether she would be happy with you doing this .

I'm with parent A...its not a child's cost to decorate their room with furniture, its the parent's.

I’d do it from his money now to improve his quality of life in the short term, but then be religious in paying it back yourself in instalments once your car loan is paid off. Bedroom furniture is really something a parent should pay for if they possibly can.

With his additional needs a decent lump sum when he is older will be of huge benefit. Once you start using his money for things like this there is a risk you will be tempted to do it more often. Really I can’t emphasise enough how much benefit there will be to him in having a lump sum later.

Have you considered applying to family fund? I applied a few years back and got a grant for a high sleeper bed for one of my DC.