To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

Comparative mileage - not competitive.

Egad theres some rather forthright and judgey opinions here.

If any of MY family gave me money for the benefit of children, they'd be doing so on the understanding that I would know what my children required/would benefit them more than they would.

If there is doubt, simply ask the person giving the money.

I do think theres a lot of folk here not quite understanding that what would benefit one child might be wholly unnecessary for another!

Once you give yourself permission to dip into the childrens accounts, it's a slippery slope if you're not careful. Bit for this, bit for that...money gone, despite having only good intentions.

Just beware of the temptation.

There may also be legal implications in withdrawing money from a child's bank account, depending on age of child, how the account is set up, type of account etc - see report of a recent Irish case in link below

www.irishtimes.com/business/financial-services/bank-ordered-to-repay-child-66-000-after-father-withdrew-funds-1.4474541

I also wouldn’t do this. The aunt is not giving them money becayse she feels you can’t financially provide so she needs to give you both money to do so. Having a nest egg will be very beneficial going forward for the children.

As a pp said, once you start eyeing up thr money as supplemental income for you to spend to provide for them, then that’s a slippery slope. .

I would ask her what her thoughts are on it to be honest as one of you will be wrong with your choice according to her, so better to be safe than cause friction down the line or you get into debt and she wished you had done it and said something.

@123becauseicouldntthinkofone

I would ask her what her thoughts are on it to be honest as one of you will be wrong with your choice according to her, so better to be safe than cause friction down the line or you get into debt and she wished you had done it and said something.

The overwhelming majority of people will say yes use it and hold their thoughts to themselves. It’s a very awkward position to be put in if the parents say my child needs x and we can’t afford it. But if they need the financial support then they need it.

I thought this thread had died but as there have been a few posts:

1. I fortunately realised the free childcare will kick in next month so the money will be available in 2 months and son’s savings are not going to be used.

1. This thread prompted us to ask DH’s aunt what she expected us to use the money for generally as we realised we’d not had that conversation with her at all. She said that she doesn’t mind - anything to benefit the children so therapies, furniture, school trips etc are all fine as well as saving it for their adulthood. She said she just needed to do something with her extra money as ‘you can’t take it with you’.

She’s an extremely generous woman and we got a random cheque from her before Christmas. We’d initially planned to put that in the car fund but the fucking washing machine broke the next day.

Merryoldgoat:
"This thread prompted us to ask DH’s aunt what she expected us to use the money for generally as we realised we’d not had that conversation with her at all. She said that she doesn’t mind - anything to benefit the children so therapies, furniture, school trips etc are all fine as well as saving it for their adulthood."

Thanks for the update - I'm of the same mindset as your aunt, when I give money at birthday or Christmas time, it's with the stated intention of being used where needed most. One time a neice was really struggling and I suggested she put the money towards the electricity bill, she was horrified and said 'but it's for DS birthday'. I told her as DS was only three and STBXH had abandoned them without any maintenance payments, his birthday would be much happier if his mum weren't so stressed about utility bills. She charged up the pre-pay meter and spent a fiver on cake and balloons and DS had a merry birthday.

Have 5 nieces and nephews,all under 10
Give them £500 a year,to parents,for birthday,Christmas,Easter
Honestly couldn’t care less what it is spent on

I think that as the parent it's your job to provide what your dc need. It's not the child's job to pay for it with their own savings. I do think yabu.

@Merryoldgoat

I thought this thread had died but as there have been a few posts:

1. I fortunately realised the free childcare will kick in next month so the money will be available in 2 months and son’s savings are not going to be used.

1. This thread prompted us to ask DH’s aunt what she expected us to use the money for generally as we realised we’d not had that conversation with her at all. She said that she doesn’t mind - anything to benefit the children so therapies, furniture, school trips etc are all fine as well as saving it for their adulthood. She said she just needed to do something with her extra money as ‘you can’t take it with you’.

She’s an extremely generous woman and we got a random cheque from her before Christmas. We’d initially planned to put that in the car fund but the fucking washing machine broke the next day.

I still suggest applying to family fund. I'm a parent Ambassador for them and you should be eligible (unless you have a very high income).

The 'average' award amount is around £500 and they do award for Beds, furniture & decorating etc. They also award for washing machines and other white goods

Not commenting on the YA/YANBU but just a word of warning. We bought our DS(9 at the time,) a high sleeper, had a desk, storage for toys etc. He was very excited, chose it, we made a den under it etc but he HATED it. Hated that we couldn't sit/lie on his bed and read or chat at bedtime. Us standing on the steps wasn't the same. Hated having to climb up and down if he forgot/dropped a toy.
It was a fantastic bed but our son just couldn't cope. Luckily DD12 was happy to have it and they swapped rooms.
We had to buy a new bed for him eventually (didn't like his sisters white 'girly' one)

We invested my children's money into a buy to let. They will get that money back and more, when they need it for their own houses.

As long as you can trust yourselves to pay it back, I don't see a problem using children's money as part of an efficient financial plan - not that you need it now of course op.