To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

It never even crossed my mind to use my boys savings to do their bedrooms 😳😳

The money is for the children and going towards their rooms and to enhance their lives. Use it.

If your reluctant ask the Aunty if she’s happy to spend it on doing the DCs rooms up for them.

@SarahBellam

If I was the aunt I would be delighted that the money had enabled you to do something lovely for your son.

Yes I agree.

Some of the replies on here are just odd.

@MissMarpleDarling

It never even crossed my mind to use my boys savings to do their bedrooms 😳😳

Ah bless you

@MissMarpleDarling

It never even crossed my mind to use my boys savings to do their bedrooms 😳😳

It isn't something most families have to think about, but if things are tight and the children need something, it would be unwise to go into debt for it when there's cash (that can be replaced) available.

I’d never use my dc birthday savings to decorate their room. That’s a thing parents do for their dc. No child is going to be wowed by a storage system!

I would use it. It's a monthly amount the aunt is evidently happy to pay, and has no 'conditons' on it (rightly so). I would absolutely do it, they will benefit massively from the sound of it, I would love a relative to do something like this with money I had given and have it enjoyed. If you wanted to could add the money back into the pot in the future, but if you are able to involve them into making decisions then goodness absolutely.

@m0therofdragons

I’d never use my dc birthday savings to decorate their room. That’s a thing parents do for their dc. No child is going to be wowed by a storage system!

Well, possibly a child with autism will be. Mine would be. He's particularly keen on kitchen utensil storage.

I'd say that you should just ask the aunt, but I'd be tempted to use it.

Just to say, if you’re getting a high sleeper with desk, have a look on eBay/gumtree. They are hard to get rid off and you can often get good as new ones free or cheap.
I’d ask the aunt too. (About the money not the high sleeper!)

Why the urgent need to redecorate the bedroom?
If it would massively improve your sons quality of life given his autism - use the savings, put it back.
Otherwise wait.
HOWEVER - if you’re massively struggling given the circumstances and are unlikely to be able to save up/pay back then just use the savings and let it be. It’s not feckless to give your children something nicer than what they would’ve otherwise had. To not acknowledge this reeks of privilege.

Ask the aunt, but in general terms. Or she won't feel able to say no.

Just ask her if she had anything in mind that she'd prefer it to be used for, when she gave the money. And see where the conversation goes from there.

@m0therofdragons

I’d never use my dc birthday savings to decorate their room. That’s a thing parents do for their dc. No child is going to be wowed by a storage system!

You need to reword and replace the sentence “that’s a thing parents do for their child” with “that’s a thing I do for my child”

And “no child” with “my child”

I wouldn't use the child's money. It's his. Was do you think he is going to say at 18 when he finds out his account is £800 short?

I have similar accounts but it's us that's put into it. It gets dipped into for when they want high ticket items so the savings pay half and we pay half. I wouldn't think twice about this tbh but if you are concerned then run it past DA beforehand.

Bedroom decor is a parental expense not a child’s responsibility .

@Snowwaiting

Bedroom decor is a parental expense not a child’s responsibility .

And that’s the law.

The law!

Do you need to spend £800. Ikea do a high bed with desk and wardrobe for £320 plus a mattress for about £100. You may be able to find a second hand one for a lot less and just buy a new mattress.

Then put what's left in bitcoin and you'll have made the money back by the end of the month.

@Figgyboa

I'm with parent A...its not a child's cost to decorate their room with furniture, its the parent's.

My view too.

@MissMarpleDarling

It never even crossed my mind to use my boys savings to do their bedrooms 😳😳

Well it's obviously crossed the mind of OP.

You don't say whether your child has a disability, and that 'doing their bedroom' would benefit their life right now though, rather than saving money for a time when they may or may not be able to independently use it...

I use my dc’s PIP money to buy bedroom furniture, dd2 gets through a lot as she destroys things, we now just replace with IKEA furniture as it’s much cheaper 🤣, I have just spent £100 of Dd1’s money on kallux units for her room to store all her collections of things. I probably by furniture every year (especially cheats of drawers for dd2). I think it’s ok to use their savings if you haven’t got DLA to use or you need to add to it.

£800 for both children’s rooms? I think that is fine. Usually I would say no but it’s for their benefit and it seems useful.

Maybe you could put the money back at a later date?

@fruitbrewhaha

Do you need to spend £800. Ikea do a high bed with desk and wardrobe for £320 plus a mattress for about £100. You may be able to find a second hand one for a lot less and just buy a new mattress.

Then put what's left in bitcoin and you'll have made the money back by the end of the month.

So it's not okay by some to use a child's savings to improve their quality of life, but its okay by others to gamble said money on bitcoin?

@WumbenWimpundWoomud

You could do both, OP. Pay off the car and repay the savings, just pay less back towards the car each month. £7k over 2 year is about £300 per month. So instead pay say £250 per month and £50 back into the savings.

I’d come on to say this. This makes so much more sense.

I wouldn’t take the money and not replace it though. I’ve known people who have done that and it never goes down well. It’s very different if the money is given to the parents then if the money is given to the children. Money given to me for dc is spent on things they need/want. Money given to them is put away.

@m0therofdragons

Do you have an autistic child? Mine is obsessed with storage, pistons, tuxedos and having his clothes neatly hung up.

I’m happy to debate whether it’s right to use the money but what my child would like/want/need is certainly something I can judge best.

@homeschoolingyay

I’m hoping that regardless of the amount he’ll say ‘thank you for a large amount of money I didn’t know existed’ - I’d be supremely unimpressed if he was angry he had, say, £9,200 rather than £10,000.

@fruitbrewhaha

I could spend less but the one I’ve seen has desk, Bookcase, wardrobe and mattress so it is extremely efficient allowing for some really good toy abs gadget storage for him.

I’d certainly replace the money if we used it but I’m still not sure.

@Batshittery

If I was the aunt, I don't think I'd want the money to be used to furnish DC's bedroom tbh. I would be saving it for them to do something they want with it when older.

Me too. If I gift a child money it’s for them to spend not the parents. Beds etc are items a parent should purchase. It’s why I stopped gifting money, after reading how many parents spend it on things they should be providing.