To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

We've actually done this ourselves. Used DC's savings to pay for their bedroom and we're paying them back in instalments.

It's certainly worth apply for DLA for them, it goes on needs not how much you earn. If you do decide to apply then ask for help completing the forms and don't give up at the first hurdle

@AnnLouiseB

If it will enhance his life I would do it now and just replace the money when you have it to spare.

This

I would say your OH could ask the aunt, she'll probably be ok with it if they frame it as stuff for his disability.

As PP's said, DLA isn't means tested, anyone can claim. I highly recommend applying for it. Include a lot of medical evidence, such as consultants' letters.

We have gotten some contributions from relatives in that go directly into an account for dd that is for education only and it’s purpose is clear.

@MixedUpFiles If kids have a disability their educational needs might require/mean different things of course.

Surely the aunt is giving the money to your children enhance their life be it now or in the future. Your child will benefit from having a suitable bedroom. Use the money now and pay back with interest as soon as you can. :)
All very well saying that sort of thing should be the parents responsibility but if you haven't got the money now and don't want to get further in debt by getting a loan, using money sitting in account is perfectly acceptable Imo.

The aunt would have made the money inaccessible if she didn't want you to spend it on them as and when it's needed.

It's there, you need it, so spend it.

I have a child with ASD and i say spend it on their rooms as I'm sure this would make a huge difference to them and therefore you.
And definitely make a claim for DLA for them both. You could earn millions and your child if they qualified would still get DLA. Its money for them based on additional needs

It depends - if it's stuff you would get anyway, (eg a bed and chest of drawers) you as parents should pay.

If it's stuff that would enhance your son's life, fit it out more appropriately for his SEN, then using the savings is fine. I'm thinking sensory stuff, a set up for his specific hobby, that kind of thing.

We used some money sent for our DS to get a sensory light, white noise thingy and weighted blanket. They definitely improved his quality of life.

You could do both, OP. Pay off the car and repay the savings, just pay less back towards the car each month. £7k over 2 year is about £300 per month. So instead pay say £250 per month and £50 back into the savings.

DLA isn't dependent on earning at all so I'd definitely apply.

Depending on their needs they should qualify. Most DC I know with autism get an award. Even a low one is something.

Also... Just an FYI if you do apply phone and ask for the form rather than downloading it. If you ring they backdate the award to the date of the phone call and then you have 4-6 weeks to return the form.

If you download it's only awarded from the date it was received.

I think this is something that is the parents responsibility to pay for, kids are expensive so you should expect you might need to use credit from time to time for things they need. It doesn’t seem right to make him wait while you pay your car off.

Of course
spend on quality furniture and items he will benefit from.

We have similar situation to this. I tend to think their money is to pay for fun stuff eg. a school trip abroad they want to do but we can't afford.

On the other hand having too much saved can affect benefits if they are entitled to them when older. This is something to bear in mind. Depends how bad their special needs are though.

I think the parents should buy the bed themselves and reduce the amount paying off the car.

Generally I would think that it's a thing that parents pay for & the kids just have to wait until the money is there.

In this case though I think that I would borrow the money.

And look into what they are entitled to!

In your situation I'd probably pay half and use their savings for half. I certainly wouldnt use credit to pay for it, they'd have to wait a bit. And YY to the last application.

dla application

@RJnomore1

If it would improve his quality of life I’d do it now with the money without hesitating.

You could always replace it later when the car is paid off but I wouldn’t let him go without while there’s cash there to fix it.

Definitely this.

Giving your DS 2-3 years benefit of the room before your car loan is paid, then paying it back into his account is fine. So long as you do pay it back.

Just ask her. I think she'd probably be delighted that it was going towards something that would benefit him for many years

I agree with this.

I’d also ask the Aunt!
My DDs had savings in their accounts from being very young. Although there were times when we were really hard up, we never dipped into it because we felt it wasn’t ours to do so. When they were 18, they each had enough to pay for driving lessons and buy a car.
If you're absolutely desperate, you could set up a standing order into their accounts to repay it back asap.

I'm curious how the aunt wanted the money spent. If for their education or adulthood, it wouldn't be accessible to you. It seems she expects it to be spent as and when, but it's a lot of money. She can't surely expect it to be spent all on extras like toys and books?

If it were me giving I'd be happy for the money to go on the bedroom. It is entirely for his benefit. I can't see it any differently than music or swimming lessons which are arguably also a parent's responsibility.

However, I can see that opinions differ about this, and given that you can ask the aunt, that's the best course of action.

If I was the aunt I would be delighted that the money had enabled you to do something lovely for your son.

The money isn't yours to spend. It is your son's. To my mind, it's akin to asking the 8 year old to buy his own furniture. I think if you want to use it to upgrade the child's bedroom and make their life easier now, rather than waiting until you've saved up to buy the furniture yourself, then this should be done only on the understanding that you are borrowing the money from your son and it will be repaid in full.

We all have to decorate our kids rooms OP, that's on us to do, don't use the childrens savings for that.

I wouldn’t spend it on doing their rooms. Keep it for their future education / house deposit or something like that. What if you can’t pay it back into the account?