To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

@kittycorner @mamayt do you have children with autism?

Odd comment from me OP. but i hope it helps. My son also has special needs. He wanted a bunk bed and was in a loop with this until it became a demand. We took him to a friends house who had a bunk bed. (pre covid) He got half way up the short ladder and froze! Before you spend his savings, or yours, try him on a step ladder. We ended up buying a cheap Ikea bed frame that has under bed drawers. They are delivering currently, and are very reasonable. Then we painted his existing furniture to match. We got rid of the wardrobe in his small room and put up hooks as most of his clothes fold into the existing chest of drawers. Toys are in sacks made from pillow cases hung from the hooks. You don't need to spend a fortune, just make sure he helps decide where everything goes and you will be fine.We went for a blue and white spaceship theme, using stickers, and it looks great!

High sleepers are a pain in the arse, changing the sheets is a nightmare.

@HandlebarLadyTash

High sleepers are a pain in the arse, changing the sheets is a nightmare.

Agreed!

@Merryoldgoat I also meant to say if you are awarded dla and they get the higher rate mobility part you will qualify for a car in motability. Part of the award (the mobile part) is used to pay for the car, you get a new car every 3 years and all you have to pay for is fuel. My son is able to walk and move about no problems but he couldn’t plan or stick to a route he also has epilepsy so it’s a safety feature for him that he needs someone with him all the time. I would look into this every little helps

I would definitely do the room up, the money is sat there for him. Had you said should I use it to pay the car off, that would be different but it’s not. I would do it without a doubt.

@HandlebarLadyTash

High sleepers are a pain in the arse, changing the sheets is a nightmare.

Have to agree. Never again.

It's not your money. It was left to your son and only he can decide how and when it is spent ie when he is 18. Put the money in a savings account for now. It's not your money, end of!

I have been in a similar situation, except it is mainly my parents who give my children a lump sum every Christmas, I put it in their savings account. I also put in £30 each a month for them from my money and approximately half of all other birthday and Christmas gift money gets put in. We let them spend the other half. Our family car was dying I borrowed from my children's accounts to replace it, I am paying it back at 3% interest, which is more than they would get in their account, I have it set up as a Direct debit so it doesn't get missed. I did ask my parents as they have made the largest contribution and they said it is totally up to us what we do with it, it is a gift and we can use it as we need to, to benefit our family. We needed the car, this made it affordable and I would rather they have the interest rather than the bank. It works for us and they will be better off in the end.

Use the money for him now and pay it back later. He'll never get that time back but the money can be put back. And what a nice aunt!

If the money is replaced fine to use it now.

We borrowed some money from my son's savings to pay for the rest of our conservatory to save taking out a home improvement load to make up the deficit between what we had and what it cost. The conservatory is the playroom, so I had no hesitation in using the money. I upped the direct debit into his savings a little to pay the money back in monthly.

Spend the savings OP. If this last year has taught us anything it is that life is too short...

"I think if things were really tight I would be okay with it as the aunt, but they obviously aren't that tight as you've bought a 7k car. Its a bit shitty to buy a reasonably expensive car and then take money from your sons savings to do up his room."

£7k for a car sounds to me like an old banger serviced to a halfway decent standard to make it saleable - where do you get a new car for £7K?

For £7k I’d expect to get a perfectly reliable, good-few-years-left second hand car for that (Honda Jazz, Nissan Note, something along those lines). Nothing outrageously fancy, but not liable to breakdown either.

Personally I’d really try not to spend the money on DS’s room. If there’s an obsessive “I must have” thing starting up then I’d try cheaper fixes to get past it if you can. But that’s easy for me to say!

@cleansuppenguinpoo theres a world of cars between a new car and an old banger? Cars don't reach 2 years old and then fall to shit

For 7k you can get a perfectly decent, reasonably new second hand family car. For 5k you can get the same albeit a year or 2 older

No you aren't going to get a range rover, but equally your not going to get a rusty old banger either

I think you should get his equipment from this money. If you are able to pay it back do so. If you cannot that's ok too. I would be upset if I were the Aunt and your son needed something but you were struggling to fund it.

Yes, @Saz12 and @DishedUp, I agree with both of you, it was the 'reasonably expensive car' I was pointing out. £7k should get you a safe family car, not a 'reasonably expensive car'.

Gonna tell you something quite personal now that could actually be outing but hey ho.

My mother sold our house when dad died. I was 8 years old. My five brothers were in their thirties.
She paid off the mortgage and moved the ones of us still at home into my grandfather's council house. There was not much money left after paying off the mortgage. She spent some on shitty quality renovations, as in paid my older brothers to make built in cupboards out of that plastic and chipboard shit that fell to bits and looked like crap. She then gave all her kids £1,000 each. Mine went into the building society. My brothers spent theirs. Then she gave them some of mine. Then she paid for Christmas for a couple of years out of mine and anything in the house that broke down. Then mine was all gone.

Then she died when I was a teenager and left me £200. Of course my brother had to look after that for me, and any money social services (because orphan and other stuff) gave me for clothes. He used to throw a handful of change at me to pay for my school bus travel and my tea (bag of chips) on a Monday to attend a social worker mandated after school shitty club for a few months till apparently "I bin keeping count in my head and you money is all gone now".

I loved my mother and brother dearly but I fucking hate them both for taking MY MONEY, the thieving money grabbing lying selfish fuckers.

Sorry about that.

You rather hit a nerve.

Bunk beds are a nuisance when changing sheets and children cannot always get out of bed to get to the bathroom in time, don't get one!

@user33546541. 💐🌻🍷

@user33546541

Undoubtedly that’s shit. Completely not the scenario here. It might’ve hit a nerve but you’re projecting. Sorry for what you’ve been through but it’s not even vaguely similar.

The £7k car is 13 years old with very low competitive mileage and full service history. It’s a reliable make, family sized to fit two car seats, shopping and buggy and accommodate U.K. holidays.

My DH and I are not car people - reliability and economy were the important thing.

Appreciate sheet changing could be painful and the prospect doesn’t fill me with joy... 😬