to think friend of a friend is being weird about

[letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar]

my new house.

My DH and I have recently moved into our new house. I knew the house already and had been in it a few times 10-15 years ago as it then belonged to the parents of a friend of a friend.

We moved in about three months ago and my friend, we’ll call her Nicola, phoned me and said her friend, Alison (whose house it was for years), had been on the phone and Nicola told her that we had bought her childhood home.

There has been another owner in the interim period and that’s who we bought the house from. So Alison asked Nicola to ask me if (when Covid restrictions are over) if she could come round to the house as she had some “bad memories in the house that she needs to put right..” I gently enquired what that would involve and Nicola had no idea and when pressed Alison wouldn’t say.

I haven’t seen Alison in about 10 years tbh and while I’m happy for her to come for a cup of tea when we’re allowed I just feel a bit odd about it. My DH has never met her and hasn’t said much, just that it sounds weird.

Am i overthinking this? I just don’t know what I should do.

Ah rawl the one that won the crown, that's the one I was thinking of! Cries of, 'but it wasn't even your house OP, how can you ask her for money to live in her HOME!'

Oh yes I remember the just give the tenants the house thread, some posters on MN are very free and easy about giving away things that belong to others and as if the posters spouting that bollocks would do it if they were in the same position, they'd be evicting the tenants before the original owner of the property was cold in their grave.

Can anyone link to the homeless man in shed thread? I’ve seen it brought up a few times and I’m keen to read it.

TitusPullo Search function doesn't seem to be playing for me at the moment, probably a hangover from the DDoS attack yesterday, perhaps someone else might have more luck, it was a belter of a thread.

It’s odd and I’d say no.

You don’t want her bad visit vibes in your new family home ready for a fresh start.

She doesn’t sound good

IRL I have a friend who was in her 40s before she and her h were finally able to purchase a home for their family. They spent years in MoD housing, saving, both working FT. Finally found the right place for their family, paid out a great lot for it. Never met the seller, it was a son with POA on his mother apparently, as she'd needed to come and move with him in an annexe. All good, they move in.

Months go by and they're still receiving male for the chap. Keep duly writing 'Return to Sender, Addressee no longer owns/lives here'.

A car pulls up and a man chaps the door. They open it up. It's the seller/former owner's son. He's furious. He wanted to keep having post delivered there, for them to keep it and he'd stop by every few months to collect it, come in for a cup of tea and have a look round at what they were doing to the place because it was his childhood home.

Um, nope. Was told they weren't running a post office, this was their home now and their children's childhood home and if he'd wanted access to it he shouldn't have sold it.

CF.

Nowt so queer as folk.

@TitusPullo

Can anyone link to the homeless man in shed thread? I’ve seen it brought up a few times and I’m keen to read it.

It was a while back, don't remember what the title was. It was pure classic. People were detailing what to put in a welfare pack, all sorts. I have flasks I've used for decades, nice Stanley ones built to last. They weren't cheap. I work freelance and use them to bring my lunch, snacks, hot water for drinks when needed. I don't expect clients paying me to work to provide me with food. The fuck I'd go giving them out to someone who broke into my property to squat!

The sensible did signpost the OP on whom to contact to move him along (the OP did not live near to her mum and the lady was elderly and fragile and did not want to confront him).

Oh, yes, the give the house to the tenant one definitely wins the prize! Hilarious!

We bought our house from a family who moved to Australia and have came for a nostalgia tour of the house when they've been back visiting but they are very positive about the house so I don't mind, in your case I think you're right to be cautious.

[quote RuledbyASD]**@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar* this is my home and my husband and children’s and a happy one at that and I can’t allow anyone to spoil that for them*

Sorry, but how on earth is a woman sitting in a room for 5 mins, alone in her thoughts going to spoil a happy home for your children and husband????

Especially if it's done whilst they're at school & work [/quote]
Because it makes the new owners uncomfortable and they don't want her there. That's the end of it. It's their home.

My kids are teens. Their rooms are their spaces. They wouldn't want some random traipsing in their rooms and I wouldn't let them, either. My son has ASD himself (and OCD), he's very particular about his space and I allow it and wouldn't let some random in there unless necessary or he agreed to it because he wouldn't like it. It's his safe space and we worked really hard to establish that with him as he has a lot of trouble sleeping and part of it is that he feels comfortable and safe in his own room.

@rawalpindithelabrador

IRL I have a friend who was in her 40s before she and her h were finally able to purchase a home for their family. They spent years in MoD housing, saving, both working FT. Finally found the right place for their family, paid out a great lot for it. Never met the seller, it was a son with POA on his mother apparently, as she'd needed to come and move with him in an annexe. All good, they move in.

Months go by and they're still receiving male for the chap. Keep duly writing 'Return to Sender, Addressee no longer owns/lives here'.

A car pulls up and a man chaps the door. They open it up. It's the seller/former owner's son. He's furious. He wanted to keep having post delivered there, for them to keep it and he'd stop by every few months to collect it, come in for a cup of tea and have a look round at what they were doing to the place because it was his childhood home.

Um, nope. Was told they weren't running a post office, this was their home now and their children's childhood home and if he'd wanted access to it he shouldn't have sold it.

CF.

Nowt so queer as folk.

By the standards of this thread, posters will be along any minute to say that your friend should move out for a weekend a month so he could have a couple of days there to relive his childhood. At their expense of course.

I cannot get over those threads you mentioned. What are the posters on?! They can’t all be making these insane suggestions for shits and giggles, is it some weird mob mentality?!

Because it makes the new owners uncomfortable and they don't want her there. That's the end of it. It's their home.

Abso-fucking-lutely. No explanation or justification is required.

By the standards of this thread, posters will be along any minute to say that your friend should move out for a weekend a month so he could have a couple of days there to relive his childhood. At their expense of course.

No doubt, otherwise they will be so mean

I cannot get over those threads you mentioned. What are the posters on?! They can’t all be making these insane suggestions for shits and giggles, is it some weird mob mentality?!

Just showing off how lovely and kind they are unlike all those other nasty posters who just won't be kind, not that I believe for one minute they would do what they suggest if the boot was on their foot, it's all fake virtue signalling attention seeking.

By the standards of this thread, posters will be along any minute to say that your friend should move out for a weekend a month so he could have a couple of days there to relive his childhood. At their expense of course.

Oh, yeah, be kind. He was happy enough to take the money, why wasn't he kind and let them have it for a much lower price so they could make a lovely childhood home for their family in it? No one would suggest that, nor would they have asked it. They work their arses off to pay for it as does anyone else.

I cannot get over those threads you mentioned. What are the posters on?! They can’t all be making these insane suggestions for shits and giggles, is it some weird mob mentality?!

A lot of it is bullshit, of course. Funny, but still bullshit. 'I'd have . . . ' sure you would have!

There was another classic one. The OP's husband ran a Scout group. There was one mother who was forever harassing with messages and emails. She came by the house one night as the OP was feeding her toddlers and the husband was out, insisting on seeing the OP's husband at the doorstep. Cue MNers saying she should have invited her in for a cuppa and some of the meal, hold her hand, she probably needed some support and the OP was so mean to say, 'Sorry, he's not here, I need to get on with getting the kids fed, bathed, in bed.' SMH.

@rawalpindithelabrador

My DH and I had a similar experience after buying our first home together. First of all, my DH saw our next-door neighbour attempt to mow our lawn. When my DH asked him why he was doing this, he was genuinely surprised at the question saying that he'd always done it for X (the previous owner). Then we found that X's mail kept getting delivered to the house. We asked the neighbour for his address but he wouldn't give it to us, he just said to keep giving the letters to him.

In the end, we got so sick of this that we just returned the letters to sender. It had previously felt as if X and the neighbour thought that we were his tenants and not the owners of the house.

It turned out that X was hiding from the taxman. Both he and the neighbour ended up bankrupt. The neighbour ended up having his house repossessed.

So nothing sentimental about this, but we definitely felt as if we couldn't escape from the previous owner.

We only lived there for two years, so I don't know what happened in the end.

[quote Mittens030869]@rawalpindithelabrador

My DH and I had a similar experience after buying our first home together. First of all, my DH saw our next-door neighbour attempt to mow our lawn. When my DH asked him why he was doing this, he was genuinely surprised at the question saying that he'd always done it for X (the previous owner). Then we found that X's mail kept getting delivered to the house. We asked the neighbour for his address but he wouldn't give it to us, he just said to keep giving the letters to him.

In the end, we got so sick of this that we just returned the letters to sender. It had previously felt as if X and the neighbour thought that we were his tenants and not the owners of the house.

It turned out that X was hiding from the taxman. Both he and the neighbour ended up bankrupt. The neighbour ended up having his house repossessed.

So nothing sentimental about this, but we definitely felt as if we couldn't escape from the previous owner.

We only lived there for two years, so I don't know what happened in the end.[/quote]
Oh, on MN land you should have borrowed on the house to pay X's debt to the HMRC, invited the neighbour to move into your kids' bedrooms when the house was repossessed, whatever happened to kindness?!

FFS, knowingly allowing someone to use your address for their post is stupid AF when you don't know them from Adam.

We had someone do this in a flat we rented, a former tenant, even though we were putting 'Return to Sender, Addressee no longer at this address'. Bloody police showed up to serve a summons! Had to pull out our tenancy agreement and driving licenses as ID. They were nice about it but that was a shock! But I did offer to make them a cup of tea or coffee .

I wouldn't either. They are bad memories, not good ones. Why would you want to invite that energy into your house to tarnish your association before you're even settled. If she starts talking about bad things it could ruin the feel of the house for you. Bad things could be anything..... how does your gut feel? Don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to, it's your house now and your home for the future to create good memories. Just say something like 'she can com round when you've finished work on it' and never finish it. Kick that can down the road and never let it happen.

I have a childhood home that I’d love a nosy around - no bad memories , quite the opposite, but I’d just never think of knocking on the door and intruding into someone’s
Space. I see the house regularly and it’s been up for sale several time since I lived there as a child.

Yeah I’m glad I said no. It would be hanging over me until she visited and that could be months away. I also took some round about advice and messages Nicola and told her that if Alison ever divulges what has given her these terrible memories of the house then I don’t want to be privy to it - under any circumstances

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar

I have a childhood home that I’d love a nosy around - no bad memories , quite the opposite, but I’d just never think of knocking on the door and intruding into someone’s Space. I see the house regularly and it’s been up for sale several time since I lived there as a child.

Yeah I’m glad I said no. It would be hanging over me until she visited and that could be months away. I also took some round about advice and messages Nicola and told her that if Alison ever divulges what has given her these terrible memories of the house then I don’t want to be privy to it - under any circumstances

My niece and her husband bought our childhood home but of course, they've totally redone it, taken out walls and put others in, extended to the back and moved the back door, made a garage out of the carport. It looks terrific.

It's your home, OP, and you don't need to justify at all whom you let into it.

They were both really intrusive and insensitive to ask at all, much less be put out or upset you said no. Weirdy AF.

She could have approached the former owners or asked to view it when it was on the market.

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar

I have a childhood home that I’d love a nosy around - no bad memories , quite the opposite, but I’d just never think of knocking on the door and intruding into someone’s Space. I see the house regularly and it’s been up for sale several time since I lived there as a child.

Yeah I’m glad I said no. It would be hanging over me until she visited and that could be months away. I also took some round about advice and messages Nicola and told her that if Alison ever divulges what has given her these terrible memories of the house then I don’t want to be privy to it - under any circumstances

I’m glad you did that. Your home is yours to fill with your happy memories, not to dwell on the unhappy memories of others.

Yeah I’m glad I said no. It would be hanging over me until she visited and that could be months away. I also took some round about advice and messages Nicola and told her that if Alison ever divulges what has given her these terrible memories of the house then I don’t want to be privy to it - under any circumstances

Good for you, OP, let that be an end to it.

Kudos OP 🌺

I'm glad you said that to Nicola, OP. Maybe she'll now realise why it was insensitive to ask you to let Alison visit.

Do want YOU think is right..What you want to do.I bought my house for a snip..it had been a guesthouse..One day..someone knocked on the door and said could she stay the night..erm..no.She was quite annoyed.Said she could pay..still no..Could she still look round
..No..again...Stand firm

@bondgirl76

Do want YOU think is right..What you want to do.I bought my house for a snip..it had been a guesthouse..One day..someone knocked on the door and said could she stay the night..erm..no.She was quite annoyed.Said she could pay..still no..Could she still look round ..No..again...Stand firm

So unkind . You should have given her your bed, your dinner, paid her instead of the other way round, left her alone in the house for a few hours to sit and reflect, I mean, what would MNers do? 😂😂😂

I would tell her no!
It’s too weird