Page 12 | to think friend of a friend is being weird about

letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar · 2021-02-20T10:36:00+00:00

my new house. My DH and I have recently moved into our new house. I knew the house already and had been in it a few times 10-15 years ago as it then belonged to the parents of a friend of a friend. We moved in about three months ago and my friend, we’ll call her Nicola, phoned me and said her friend, Alison (whose house it was for years), had been on the phone and Nicola told her that we had bought her childhood home. There has been another owner in the interim period and that’s who we bought the house from. So Alison asked Nicola to ask me if (when Covid restrictions are over) if she could come round to the house as she had some “bad memories in the house that she needs to put right..” I gently enquired what that would involve and Nicola had no idea and when pressed Alison wouldn’t say. I haven’t seen Alison in about 10 years tbh and while I’m happy for her to come for a cup of tea when we’re allowed I just feel a bit odd about it. My DH has never met her and hasn’t said much, just that it sounds weird. Am i overthinking this? I just don’t know what I should do.

Nith · 21/02/2021 15:54

Also Native American guides will come to you in dreams and Native American objects, I sense Native American items and Culture have some kind of past life significance to you/or someone who was close to you in some way,could be a family member/or a friend.

Sure you do, @thosetalesofunexpected. You can feel all those vibes from reading some words posted on screen 40 minutes before your response by a totally anonymous person who you wouldn't recognise if you walked past them in the street, and who for all you know is making the whole thing up.

FredAstairesChair · 21/02/2021 15:56

I'd let her. It's a few minutes of your time to help someone.

BlueThistles · 21/02/2021 16:11

@FredAstairesChair

I'd let her. It's a few minutes of your time to help someone.

She'd be driving for 2 1/2 hours ... to get to OP's home..

so No.. not a few mins

Original poster

letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar · 21/02/2021 16:38

I spoke again to DH today and we were discussing letting someone (I barely know anymore) into our children’s bedrooms - which is their safe space and place to relax - and we don’t know why she wants to be there or what has happened. It feels like (and I’m not sure how articulate I’m being here) we’d be somehow letting someone trespass into somewhere that’s just a place of sanctuary to them. Obviously they’d never be privy to the details but I just feel uncomfortable about doing that and feel somehow like I’d be breaking their trust. Perhaps that is melodramatic but it doesn’t feel right.

Also, this has nothing to do with decorating the house

OP posts:

TitusPullo · 21/02/2021 16:55

I don’t think you are wrong to say no at all. Houses are not just bricks and mortar as someone else said, they are your private space away from the rest of the world. I wouldn’t be letting anyone in my home who made me uncomfortable whether they used to live there or not. As well as bad memories, Alison seems to have held onto a sense of entitlement to the house I wouldn’t be leaving her alone in there either.

Five67Eight · 21/02/2021 17:22

The emotive nature of this thread is just ridiculous all it is is a chance for some MN posters to show off how terribly, terribly nice and what all round good eggs they are, virtue signalling on acid. I would bet that most of them beating the OP with cries of be nice fall into that category of MN posters who never open the door or answer the phone unless advance notification has been given in triplicate, signed in blood and would never, ever, ever allow a tradesman to darken the door of the toilet in their house let alone use it.

Bizarre logic. I’m fairly certain it’s the people who are saying don’t let her in, who’d fall into the category of MNers who never answer the door or let anyone cross the threshold. Obviously.

BlueThistles · 21/02/2021 17:27

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar

I spoke again to DH today and we were discussing letting someone (I barely know anymore) into our children’s bedrooms - which is their safe space and place to relax - and we don’t know why she wants to be there or what has happened. It feels like (and I’m not sure how articulate I’m being here) we’d be somehow letting someone trespass into somewhere that’s just a place of sanctuary to them. Obviously they’d never be privy to the details but I just feel uncomfortable about doing that and feel somehow like I’d be breaking their trust. Perhaps that is melodramatic but it doesn’t feel right.

Also, this has nothing to do with decorating the house

OP ... this is YOUR home... the end 🌺

RuledbyASD · 21/02/2021 17:28

I see this differently. I see it as a passive aggressive way of making you feel paranoid about something awful having happened there, in a petty effort to spoil it for you, out of jealousy

RuledbyASD · 21/02/2021 17:31

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar this is my home and my husband and children’s and a happy one at that and I can’t allow anyone to spoil that for them

Sorry, but how on earth is a woman sitting in a room for 5 mins, alone in her thoughts going to spoil a happy home for your children and husband????

Especially if it's done whilst they're at school & work

RuledbyASD · 21/02/2021 17:36

@rawalpindithelabrador

FFS, denied her 'closure'. But never mind, Bluntness's entire MO on every thread is to oppositional, argumentative and contrary.

They were rude AF to suggest this and totally insensitive.

I agree with this! Whenever I consider posting a thread, I always consider what Bluntness100 will be saying to put me firmly to blame for whatever the issue may be

BrumBoo · 21/02/2021 17:37

[quote RuledbyASD]**@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar* this is my home and my husband and children’s and a happy one at that and I can’t allow anyone to spoil that for them*

Sorry, but how on earth is a woman sitting in a room for 5 mins, alone in her thoughts going to spoil a happy home for your children and husband????

Especially if it's done whilst they're at school & work [/quote]
Read the full thread, this is getting boring .

RuledbyASD · 21/02/2021 17:38

@BrumBoo I have read the full thread! I'm entitled to my opinion just as you are

BrumBoo · 21/02/2021 17:45

[quote RuledbyASD]@BrumBoo I have read the full thread! I'm entitled to my opinion just as you are[/quote]
Opinions are one thing. You're choosing to ignore that it won't be just 5 minutes and due to the nature of the visit it won't be a pleasant experience for anyone. Again, what if Alison cries for 2 hours straight and wants to unload? What is the op meant to do, saying 'right you've had 15 minutes, nice to see you, have a fun 2 hour drive back without digesting you bad thoughts!'.

AnotherKrampus · 21/02/2021 17:51

It is so refreshing to read about a woman with some healthy boundaries, given some of the absolute whoppers of CFs I read about on here over the years. We really do not owe anyone therapy sessions and pandering to their demands overruling our own discomfort. That woman could have tried to approach the previous owners or even arranged a viewing while the property was on the market. It is one thing to ask for something but another to react so ungracious when a request is politely declined. And if you ask to imposition someone, at least, you could let them know what your intentions are, i.e., quiet reflection etc. Someone else mentioned this jokingly but I am wondering if she stashed something in a secret hiding place she wants to retrieve. Anyway, I don’t buy into any woo crap about spaces either. It’s now OP’s family home and Alison needs to find another non-invasive way to deal with her issues.

Sillysandy · 21/02/2021 18:24

As I stated earlier I would have let her and not thought twice about it. Plenty wouldn't so clearly people feel very differently about this.

However I think Nicola's reaction is off. What was the point of coming back to you to tell you Alison was upset? It wasn't going to achieve anything except possibly make you feel guilty. I suspect she might have even suggested the visit to Alison.

I really dislike that sort of behaviour. It reminds me of a situation I found myself in a few years ago. I had returned to college as a mature student living in another city. A family member was allowing me stay for nominal rent in a property she owned, on condition I upgraded it over the period I was studying. This was working out ok but there were some complications; it never really felt like mine (as it wasn't) and the owner often arrived unannounced and checked up on things. It kept me quite on edge a lot.
I was back in my home city doing some contract work over a holiday and visited a friend one evening. We were joined by her flatmate who I vaguely knew. The flatmate cheerfully informed me she was planning a visit to the city I was studying in and as mutual friend had mentioned my house was empty there, could she and her boyfriend stay. I was caught off guard I said I'd have to think about it. I contacted mutual friend the next day to say it really wasn't a good idea, if the owner arrived over (she lived close by) and found people there without me having a jolly I'd likely be evicted. Mutual friend took the hump with me saying this was ridiculous and she had basically offered it to her.

BeakyWinder · 21/02/2021 18:39

You don't have to let some random into your house if you don't want to, you are absolutely fine to have said no.

BronwenFrideswide · 21/02/2021 18:39

@Five67Eight

The emotive nature of this thread is just ridiculous all it is is a chance for some MN posters to show off how terribly, terribly nice and what all round good eggs they are, virtue signalling on acid. I would bet that most of them beating the OP with cries of be nice fall into that category of MN posters who never open the door or answer the phone unless advance notification has been given in triplicate, signed in blood and would never, ever, ever allow a tradesman to darken the door of the toilet in their house let alone use it.

Bizarre logic. I’m fairly certain it’s the people who are saying don’t let her in, who’d fall into the category of MNers who never answer the door or let anyone cross the threshold. Obviously.

Nah, MN is choc full of posters who just can't wait to trumpet how they would be so, so kind and how awful an OP is for not being like them knowing full well that the likelihood of that ever being in the same position is somewhere between nil and zero.

I haven't changed my opinion I'd bet good money that those pushing the OP to allow this person in their home have fortress homes and very strict rules regarding access.

MeadowViews · 21/02/2021 18:40

I'd have said no too.

Being nice doesn't involve bending over backwards to allow someone you don't know/trust into the rooms of your home.

It's weird of her to have asked, to be honest.

BronwenFrideswide · 21/02/2021 19:00

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar

I spoke again to DH today and we were discussing letting someone (I barely know anymore) into our children’s bedrooms - which is their safe space and place to relax - and we don’t know why she wants to be there or what has happened. It feels like (and I’m not sure how articulate I’m being here) we’d be somehow letting someone trespass into somewhere that’s just a place of sanctuary to them. Obviously they’d never be privy to the details but I just feel uncomfortable about doing that and feel somehow like I’d be breaking their trust. Perhaps that is melodramatic but it doesn’t feel right.

Also, this has nothing to do with decorating the house

You made the right decision for you and your family letthem, you owe no-one any explanation or justification, you have a right to decide who comes into your home and why. It's a perfectly reasonable decision and the right one, don't give it another thought.

Nicola and Alison are way out of order trying to make you feel guilty or awkward for saying no, if they hadn't prepared for you refusing their request they should never have made it.

Ileflottante · 21/02/2021 19:06

Can we revisit an earlier point someone made about an old thread with some poor old dear had had a homeless man break into her shed and she was criticised for not feeding and clothing him?! Wtf?! Did that really happen?

I echo a PP point about it being so refreshing to read an OP by a woman with healthy boundaries able to assert herself.

gottakeeponmovin · 21/02/2021 19:10

I would love to go back to my old house and would be quite happy if someone who grew up in my current house wanted to visit

sammylady37 · 21/02/2021 19:12

@letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar

I spoke again to DH today and we were discussing letting someone (I barely know anymore) into our children’s bedrooms - which is their safe space and place to relax - and we don’t know why she wants to be there or what has happened. It feels like (and I’m not sure how articulate I’m being here) we’d be somehow letting someone trespass into somewhere that’s just a place of sanctuary to them. Obviously they’d never be privy to the details but I just feel uncomfortable about doing that and feel somehow like I’d be breaking their trust. Perhaps that is melodramatic but it doesn’t feel right.

Also, this has nothing to do with decorating the house

Hi op

I was the one who inadvertently introduced decorating the house to the thread, but it got twisted by another poster trying to make a ridiculous point.

My point was that when you bought the house and were decorating your children’s rooms, you were dreaming of those rooms being sanctuaries for your kids, the rooms they could retreat to when upset/annoyed/angry, the rooms in which they’d feel safe etc. Finding out a different child had been abused or raped in those very rooms would of course taint them for you. I don’t think there’s anything unusual or foolish in that. But then another poster came along to suggest that what I meant was that upon hearing someone had been sexually abused my reaction would be to think about the impact on my decorating plans complete bullshit obviously and a clear sign she had no logical counterpoint to my point.

Anyway, just wanted to clear up where the comment on decorating came from!

I’m with you 100% on this. Do not let this almost stranger into your house to wander around and seek ‘closure’.

WilsonMilson · 21/02/2021 19:13

I actually think both Nicola and Alison have a cheek about this. It could wren tarnish your happy feelings about your new house to someone declare a desire to come round to have undisclosed ‘bad memories’ exorcised by a nosey around your property.

Sod that for a game of soldiers, I think you did absolutely the right thing and shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that at all.

WilsonMilson · 21/02/2021 19:14

Well, not wren!

rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 19:17

@Ileflottante

Can we revisit an earlier point someone made about an old thread with some poor old dear had had a homeless man break into her shed and she was criticised for not feeding and clothing him?! Wtf?! Did that really happen?

I echo a PP point about it being so refreshing to read an OP by a woman with healthy boundaries able to assert herself.

Yes, it did! It was the mother's daughter who was the OP. Thread was mental, very similar to this one. And the one with the OP who let her room out on AirB&B and the one that won the crown: an OP had inherited a house from her grandmother. It had a tenant and the OP needed to sell it. Was told to bend over backwards to serve the tenant, give the house to the tenant, pay the tenant money, all manner of utter lunacy.

Yet another OP had a friend who was similar to Nicola here and was very pushy about bringing another friend over for a tour of the OPs house, to which she and her h said no. Cue MN falling over itself to outdo one another in the bollocks sweepstakes of BS virtue signalling.

Comedy gold.