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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He promised her croissant with jam

188 replies

Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:36

Been a really full on week with toddler Dd, 12 hour days of teething, crying and not a minute alone. I’d told all this to dp and said I was going nuts as had no sleep and really needed just a minute alone etc. Last night was my turn for bedtime so as I was taking her up, he starts telling her how it’s the weekend tomorrow and he’ll be off and he’ll be there to do her breakfast of croissant and jam for a treat etc etc.
Cue this morning, Dd wakes at 6.45, Dp asleep until around 7.30, then on the toilet for god knows how long. By now she’s getting more upset calling for daddy to come and get her, inevitably I end up getting up with no lie in and taking her down to breakfast...he wasn’t even there. Comes back 45 minutes later saying ‘I was going to do her breakfast!’ 🙄he’d been out to get cigarettes. No I’m sat here moody and he’s moody with me!
Aibu to be pissed off with this crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:37

*Now

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/02/2021 08:42

In a non moody way, I’d point out that you haven’t had your lie in this morning, and you want it tomorrow. Don’t have a row about it.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:46

@TestingTestingWonTooFree It’s not just about the lie in though, he made a huge fuss to her about how he wasn’t at work and he’d be there to do breakfast. She remembered and cried for him and calling to him downstairs this morning for her special croissants with jam, he wasn’t even there 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:46

*Was calling

OP posts:
ScoobyBlues · 20/02/2021 08:47

Yanbu.
Firstly because he should have leapt into action and made the breakfast before he'd done other stuff for himself.

Secondly because he's let her know he's not reliable. I remember when I was about 15 I was in the school play and we were all backstage and my friend was saying that she hoped her dad was going to be there to watch her. I asked her what night he was coming and she said tonight and I remember not understanding why she was worried that he wouldn't be there. He'd said he was coming so why would she think he wasn't coming?

And then I realised how protected and sheltered I'd been with my reliable parents. They would tell me that we could go to the beach at the weekend and we'd go to the beach. That I could have a biscuit after a walk and they would give me a biscuit. Those little things build up the trust and give you the background for the relationship as you her older.

Those little things are big things to a child.

Theunamedcat · 20/02/2021 08:49

Point out that breakfast with a toddler happens when she is ready not him

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:52

@ScoobyBluesExactly! I’m more annoyed at that than the lie in in a way. He shouldn’t have made such a big fuss about it then it wouldn’t have at least been that bad.
He must’ve expected her just to be waiting upstairs, but a 2,5 year old generally doesn’t, she was bored and hungry! She wanted to go downstairs and have her breakfast!

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TheNorthWind · 20/02/2021 08:52

There's something a bit heart breaking about all this. I think ScoobyBlues has explained why. He's just much more interested in his own wants than in her or in keeping his word, isn't he?

Also, extravagant poos are ridiculous and infuriating. If it takes you 30 minutes to have a crap, then you need to do something about your diet. Gross.
(Of course unless medical issues.)

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:55

@Theunamedcat It’s always the same, it’s never a lie in as she’s been awake for 45 odd minutes moaning to go downstairs, whilst he’s on the toilet. I don’t have the luxury of fully waking up and sitting on the toilet for almost an hour, it’s a rushed wee and downstairs for nappy, straight to making breakfast etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:58

@TheNorthWind Yep, surely he could have waited for his stupid cigarettes. I can tell he thinks it’s about me wanting a lie in, I told him she was here crying. When we came down she was looking for him, may sound ridiculous but it’s the small things. He likely assumed I’d keep her upstairs, but for over an hour since she’s woken?!
It annoys me that he’s the one now angry with me, another crappy start to a weekend

OP posts:
MsMiaWallace · 20/02/2021 08:59

Smokers 🙄 fags come first...

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 09:02

@MsMiaWallace Clearly, he couldn’t have waited even an hour or made sure he had enough the night before.

OP posts:
HitchFlix · 20/02/2021 09:06

An inordinate amount of dads are like this. They will tend to their own needs before the DC at the expense of the mother. It's sexist entitlement, it's infuriating and YANBU.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 09:09

@HitchFlixThat’s the thing, it’s never a lie in, is it? As she’s waiting for ages, chatting away to me, running around bored. There are times I’ve heard him making himself a coffee etc..🤷🏻‍♀️I do that whilst I’m getting her things ready, it’s always straight to sorting her out first. Once she’s sat down and sorted with breakfast I get mine, same with all meals really.

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Barrantsvidal · 20/02/2021 09:15

What is it about bloody men and needing to have a poo all the time. It's like some sacred ritual. My ex was the same, used to announce it and everything.
(I get we all do it, it's the world having to stop and time standing still thing that gets to me!)

MsMiaWallace · 20/02/2021 09:17

& why do they need to take so long having a poo?
My boys are already adopting this. My 6 year old spends ages doing a poo on the toilet! It gets on my nerves.

feathersandferns · 20/02/2021 09:17

You're definitely not being unreasonable. If it's his turn to get up and do breakfast, he needs to get up and do breakfast. The 45 minutes he spent wallowing in bed before going to the toilet could have been 45 minutes of having DD breakfasted and happy, then she could have played quietly while he had a quick toilet trip and you continued to lie in.

Did he not wake up at all when she woke up at 6.45? Maybe if he's one of those people who miraculously 'doesn't hear' their child, you need to wake him and politely remind him it's his turn to get up!

nimbuscloud · 20/02/2021 09:17

What’s he like in general?

teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 09:19

I'd be tempted to go and have my lie-in at a friend's or relative's house if you have one nearby!

If you are not here in the morning, he would have to get involved.

(I know there's a lockdown, but just call it a support bubble or whatever bubble, no one cares anymore)

pollylocketpickedapocket · 20/02/2021 09:20

@HitchFlix

An inordinate amount of dads are like this. They will tend to their own needs before the DC at the expense of the mother. It's sexist entitlement, it's infuriating and YANBU.
Yep. I’m a single mother by choice and I’m grateful for that every day.
lottiegarbanzo · 20/02/2021 09:20

Just another selfish man.

Did he have croissant and jam available? Were you able to give her this for breakfast?

He needs to know that when he's on child duty, he's on child duty. He responds to and anticipates her needs.

It's not just that he expects you to get up and do the childcare, while he readies himself at leisure. It's also that he then expects to be able to burst in as star turn, 'Ta da! exciting Daddy here! Forget about boring Mummy who does all the looking after. I have a croissant!'.

Barrantsvidal · 20/02/2021 09:23

Not the point of the thread, but I quite fancy a croissant and jam now.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2021 09:24

If you're awake any way, can you not just take her downstairs, dump her with him and go again? If I could hear him making coffee, I'd Def be taking her down.

mogtheexcellent · 20/02/2021 09:25

Sounds like my DH. Except he's up at the crack of dawn and has far more important jobs to do than anything I have.

Meanwhile I have to watch umpteen episodes of shaun the sheep instead of a lie in today because he has to go and get dung for the veg beds.

He works 5.5 days a week and I'm furloughed from a job I love and suffering insomnia so feeling a bit tied to the house with a clingy 6 year old atm.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/02/2021 09:26

But yes, when she wakes, why don't you wake him up and push him out of bed to get on with looking after her?

For me, that would still destroy the 'lie in', as I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep but, as a way of training him to take responsibility, it might help.

If he says 'but I need the loo', just say 'yes, it is impossible even to wee on your own, with a toddler, isn't it!'. If he needs to go to the shop, he can take her with him.