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AIBU?

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Original poster

He promised her croissant with jam

188 replies

Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:36

Been a really full on week with toddler Dd, 12 hour days of teething, crying and not a minute alone. I’d told all this to dp and said I was going nuts as had no sleep and really needed just a minute alone etc. Last night was my turn for bedtime so as I was taking her up, he starts telling her how it’s the weekend tomorrow and he’ll be off and he’ll be there to do her breakfast of croissant and jam for a treat etc etc.
Cue this morning, Dd wakes at 6.45, Dp asleep until around 7.30, then on the toilet for god knows how long. By now she’s getting more upset calling for daddy to come and get her, inevitably I end up getting up with no lie in and taking her down to breakfast...he wasn’t even there. Comes back 45 minutes later saying ‘I was going to do her breakfast!’ 🙄he’d been out to get cigarettes. No I’m sat here moody and he’s moody with me!
Aibu to be pissed off with this crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:34

@IEat Nope, she’s in with us, we bedshare. She was chatting to me, playing around as she usually does a little in the morning, I was waiting then waiting a little more, then she got upset, I got up and saw he’d gone out, so we went down to get her breakfast.
It wasn’t actually really about me wanting a lie in, in this instance, although that would have been nice to! It was the fact this promise of daddy’s breakfast and her calling for daddy to come and get her breakfast.

OP posts:
GobbeHappy · 20/02/2021 10:36

@Barrantsvidal

Not the point of the thread, but I quite fancy a croissant and jam now.
Hmmm..... me too.
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:38

@LaMarschallin 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:38

@MessAllOver She’s in with us, cot attached to bed whilst we do up her bedroom.

OP posts:
Fiona2020 · 20/02/2021 10:39

@Theunamedcat when you are both ready. The child does not make the rules!

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:40

@MichelleofzeResistance Yep, or he assumed he could make it back in time and has no concept of how impatient a toddler is, or ours at least!

OP posts:
Redtartanshoes · 20/02/2021 10:43

M&S do frozen croissants that you bake yourself

((Helpful))

MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 10:45

If it's your lie in, she needs to be removed from the bedroom. Otherwise, it's not your lie in.

HexWitch · 20/02/2021 10:46

Exh was like this with DC. They soon learned he was completely unreliable and most of what came out of his mouth he 'only meant it at the time..' which just doesn't wash with kids. He still does it as a eow dad too. Useless.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:46

@MessAllOver Yep I agree

OP posts:
Ispini · 20/02/2021 10:47

@SionnachGlic

Leave him a note to say you are just popping out for a while (no explanation or estimated time for return) & go & have some time for yourself.... & be all..'oh, I thought you were playing & doing all the stuff you promised yest...'.

Make him feel foisted upon & having to do it on his own for a bit...

Absolutely I was just about to suggest you not be home when he gets back. Leave him to it. I would go on a twenty mile walk if I had to just to prove a point! Go get a takeaway for lunch, sit on a park bench with a book, anything rather than be there when they return! You DD will be fine and he will have to ‘babysit’ his own child for the afternoon.
MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 10:51

Yes, how soon can you exit the house? I'd be getting myself a takeaway for one tonight (though DH and I do that quite often, so wouldn't be a statement in our house) and doing beans on toast for LO tonight. Take a day off... see how little you can get away with doing. It's enlightening sometimes.

Okokokbear · 20/02/2021 10:53

[quote Fiona2020]@Theunamedcat when you are both ready. The child does not make the rules![/quote]
What are you talking about? How much success have you had making a toddler wait for breakfast until you can be arsed to do it?

Loopyloututu · 20/02/2021 11:00

My dh used to be like this - he would promise the dc’s things to shut them up or make himself sounds good then not deliver.

I flipped one day after he’d promised to take them somewhere and asked him did he really want to be that kind of dad, who lets their kids down all the time and over time they just start to think “yeah, yeah” when he’s saying he’s going to do something. He does it with me too tbh.

I don’t think it’s malicious, he’s just says stuff in the moment and then forgets, or thinks they have forgotten. I haven’t noticed him doing it since I went mad about it though!

Crookairroad · 20/02/2021 11:03

@Redtartanshoes

M&S do frozen croissants that you bake yourself

((Helpful))

They are great. Along with their pan au chocolat.
IDontLikeZombies · 20/02/2021 11:05

My dad, despite being an otherwise lovely man, was like this when I was little. In fact one of my earliest memories is almost a carbon copy of what you describe, OP.
I learned very early that I always came second best and it's a lesson that stuck. I have pretty much no self esteem, I suffer from terrible anxiety, I have bouts of depression. I have had to learn from bitter experience how to lay down boundaries in relationships, both friends and sexual partners. I have been exploited financially, I've been taken for a mug by friends and emotionally hurt more times than I care to remember.
From the outside it always appeared that I adored DF and I kind of do but it's always in the context of trying to make him see me.
I'm middle aged now and after a lot of input I'm doing well but I'm still affected by being that wee girl that wasn't important enough for him to keep a promise or put me first.

Your DH might not go on to be the selfish father mine was but he's certainly starting down the track.

I think you should ask DH if that is what he wants for his daughter.

Hadalifeonce · 20/02/2021 11:07

I would have put her in the toilet with him and gone back to bed. That might focus his mind (and his bowels)

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 11:07

@ispin They were already back a while ago 😫 of course the trip to the shop was super quick, as always! I am just sitting here on my phone though and letting him entertain her/do what needs to be done

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 11:08

Exit quietly via the front door.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 11:12

@IDontLikeZombies So sorry to hear that 😞I do think a dad’s relationship with their daughter is a really important one and sets the tone for how they expect to be treated by other men in their life possibly.
I think he thinks I’m more angry about no lie in at the moment, but I will get it across somehow. I know that he’ll probably say he was on his way back to do exactly as he’d promised to her, but she can’t wait that long for breakfast!
I most definitely don’t want her to have a life of promises being made then broken. I also remember when young it happening a couple of times with my parents and as a child you do really feel it.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 20/02/2021 11:20

i dont know why some men agree to have children-they clearly dont want to do the crap bits or normal bits getting up with them feeding them

you can ttell a toddler to wait its ridiculous -why is getting cigarettes more important than food

TheyIsMyFamily · 20/02/2021 11:25

FFS. Get dressed and go out by yourself. Take a hot drink with you. Garden centres are open.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 20/02/2021 11:29

My DH was like this and I feel completely triggered this morning by this thread and just want to give you a big hug because your DH is being a selfish dick.
Looking back on it I can't believe I didn't walk out. Probably because I had nowhere to go.
MY DH is not any better now. Where I would feel guilty if I let someone down, he has no capacity for that and turns it into me being difficult.
I agree with whoever said just take yourself out for a walk or a drive somewhere.

Chewit2022 · 20/02/2021 11:32

@roundturnandtwohalfhitches

My DH was like this and I feel completely triggered this morning by this thread and just want to give you a big hug because your DH is being a selfish dick. Looking back on it I can't believe I didn't walk out. Probably because I had nowhere to go. MY DH is not any better now. Where I would feel guilty if I let someone down, he has no capacity for that and turns it into me being difficult. I agree with whoever said just take yourself out for a walk or a drive somewhere.
What’s stopping you now?
IDontLikeZombies · 20/02/2021 11:33

Do you know, it's just how it is but thanks for the good thoughts, OP Flowers

It's not just relationships with men, its everything. Dads are meant to be a protector and champion for their wee ones and when they are not it puts everything on a shoogly footing, doesn't it?
Anyway, best of luck with it all. Please feel free to share my experience with him if you think it will help.

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