He promised her croissant with jam

[Whizzpopbangy]

Been a really full on week with toddler Dd, 12 hour days of teething, crying and not a minute alone. I’d told all this to dp and said I was going nuts as had no sleep and really needed just a minute alone etc. Last night was my turn for bedtime so as I was taking her up, he starts telling her how it’s the weekend tomorrow and he’ll be off and he’ll be there to do her breakfast of croissant and jam for a treat etc etc.
Cue this morning, Dd wakes at 6.45, Dp asleep until around 7.30, then on the toilet for god knows how long. By now she’s getting more upset calling for daddy to come and get her, inevitably I end up getting up with no lie in and taking her down to breakfast...he wasn’t even there. Comes back 45 minutes later saying ‘I was going to do her breakfast!’ 🙄he’d been out to get cigarettes. No I’m sat here moody and he’s moody with me!
Aibu to be pissed off with this crap.

Of course he should have fed the DD then taken her out for a walk, via the shop if he wanted to buy fags. He is a total berk to turn it round on you and spoil your day.

My DH is a bit like this — always put off getting up with the children until the very last minute, leaving me to pacify them while he dragged himself out of bed and sorted himself out.

He is very good in other respects and at other times of day, a hands on dad and does easily his share of house fatigues.
I found mornings were much easier once I calmly explained 3 things using words of one syllable:

1. Toddlers eat breakfast at 8am, often earlier. This is normal — their metabolisms mean that they do not wait happily, and they don’t understand that adults breakfast later at weekends. Expect them to be up and hungry between 7-8am.
2. On a day when we’ve agreed I can sleep while he does breakfast, I will watch the children for five minutes while he goes to the loo and gets dressed, but then I’m bringing them to him — wherever he is.
3. If he wants an arrangement where whoever is trying to sleep watches the toddlers while the one who is supposed to do breakfast faffs on their phone/the loo/goes downstairs and naps on the sofa, then that is fine — I will do that the other 6 days of the week.

Saturday mornings were much better after that.

Good luck. Don’t be bullied. You are not unreasonable.

Can you plug your router in in your bedroom? I bet his poo would be quicker if you turned off the WiFi after 10 mins......

God it sounds so like my exh. His idea of “doing” a Saturday or Sunday morning was definitely about when he was ready, and having faffed about attending to himself first. So I was doing the bit that I wanted the break from in the first place!

But I also agree the main part is him letting her down and not being reliable. Exh is like that too.

Some of the posts made me laugh out loud because it’s just so bloody accurate, I even had to show my own DH a couple of them because he is very guilty of it too. I genuinely think males use the guise of pooing to hide away from their responsibilities. My Dad always did it (sometimes he’d disappear for over an hour!), DH does it all of the time and now my 11 year old DS has started it! If there’s school work he can’t be bothered with, he conveniently needs a 20 minute shit 🤷🏻‍♀️. Women don’t have this luxury, whenever we go to the toilet we’re either followed or end up having 5 people knocking on the door asking where x item is or what dinner will consist of.

Anyway, that was a tangent but your DP has clearly acted selfishly and he needs to make it up to you. No more pretending to shit for 30 mins, he needs to actually get up and be an adult!

@Whizzpopbangy

I’m wondering if I’m being ott and in the grand scheme of life, nipping to the shop when you think you have time to get back is not that bad 🤷🏻‍♀️I feel like I’m being a bag or always a miserable sod as he’s saying how awful I am

But it's not just the nipping to the shop that's the problem. It's the letting you deal with her for 45 minutes before he got up, 30 minutes in the loo and then "nipping" to the shop, all whilst she still waiting for her promised breakfast.

If he'd got up and given dd the promised croissant with jam and then when she had finished plonked her back in the bed whilst he quickly nipped to the shops and then come back and taken her downstairs again, then that nipping out would be fine, still not a great lie in, but he would have fulfilled his promise.

@Whizzpopbangy

I’m wondering if I’m being ott and in the grand scheme of life, nipping to the shop when you think you have time to get back is not that bad 🤷🏻‍♀️I feel like I’m being a bag or always a miserable sod as he’s saying how awful I am

Wow. He's got you right where he wants you hasn't he!

How many posters have said you're being OTT? (1 or 2 maybe? Stepford wives haven't completely died out yet!)

He should have got up as soon as SHE woke up. I do not believe he actually slept through her playing in your bed. A cold foot or 'okay perk a boo with Daddy woukd have been applied. Stop letting g him get away with that for starters! And when he did get up to go downstairs...'I think you've forgotten someone' ... he's on morning duty, he doesn't get to have 45mjnute bathroom time. Then he should have got her dressed and walked to the shop, preferably via the park, while you stayed in bed.

He's a lazy, selfish, inconsiderate hit and a crap Dad.

Stop allowing him to make this your fault.

Thinking back to when I was in this sort of situation🤔
..... he would agree to do something to shut me up in the moment but then put it out of his mind because he had no intention of actually doing it.
In his mind he outranks you, your wishes, complaints are just background noise, he doesn't feel the need to take them seriously or act on them

He really has you bullied OP.

He doesn't get up.
He upsets your daughter.
He doesn't do what he promised.
He then goes out for fags.

He gets cross with you for pointing it out.
He gets angry to shut you up.

He accuses you of being nasty and causing drama.

He stays angry for the day to punish you for daring to challenge him.

Now he has succeeded because you are wondering if you are wrong for pointing out that he was wrong.

Bet you won't dare say a word in future after his unpleasantness today.

You are bullied by him.

Your poor daughter.

One parent a lazy bullying waster.

You, who doesn't seem to be able to see the wood from the trees.

Be careful OP, before you know it, you will have 3 or 4 children and be ground down by this nasty piece of work.

Give your head a shake, your child desperately needs one decent parent.

@billy1966 is exactly right. You're being trained not to complain. To let him do what the fuck he likes without a whisper of criticism from you.

Stay angry. Do not apologise. Dont give in for an easy life. Train him right back - disappointing you and your child has consequences.

@WhoStoleMyCheese people post about it because they’re being gaslit. My exh gaslit me for years about how it was all my fault, about how he was suffering so not having as much money or free time as he did before our (planned) children were born. He could about cope with one but the wheels came off with two.

People post about awful partners because their instincts tell them it’s not right but their partners, the people who should love them best, are telling them they are unreasonable. People post for support and confirmation. If you haven’t been in that situation, consider yourself very lucky indeed.

Going out for cigarettes while your toddler is hungry at home is such scruffy behaviour. That would give me the ick.

its not just popping out to the shop though is it-what about before that