Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He promised her croissant with jam

188 replies

Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 08:36

Been a really full on week with toddler Dd, 12 hour days of teething, crying and not a minute alone. I’d told all this to dp and said I was going nuts as had no sleep and really needed just a minute alone etc. Last night was my turn for bedtime so as I was taking her up, he starts telling her how it’s the weekend tomorrow and he’ll be off and he’ll be there to do her breakfast of croissant and jam for a treat etc etc.
Cue this morning, Dd wakes at 6.45, Dp asleep until around 7.30, then on the toilet for god knows how long. By now she’s getting more upset calling for daddy to come and get her, inevitably I end up getting up with no lie in and taking her down to breakfast...he wasn’t even there. Comes back 45 minutes later saying ‘I was going to do her breakfast!’ 🙄he’d been out to get cigarettes. No I’m sat here moody and he’s moody with me!
Aibu to be pissed off with this crap.

OP posts:
Barrantsvidal · 20/02/2021 09:58

'Wood and mince' the lunchtime alternative to 'croissant and jam'?

Candyfloss99 · 20/02/2021 09:59

As soon as she wakes up, if he doesn't hear, wake him up and say, your dd is awake now so can you get up with her like you promised? Why would you be a martyr and get up with her when it's not your turn?

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 09:59

@Hankunamatata He probably saw that as a hassle to get her all dressed and to the petrol station for cigarettes, which it is and she just needed her breakfast..so he should wait for the cigarettes or plan accordingly 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:00

@Candyfloss99 I had to get up in the end as he was out getting cigarettes! 🤷🏻‍♀️She was crying and hungry for her breakfast, not going to leave her until he decides to come back.

OP posts:
Taikoo · 20/02/2021 10:01

He sounds very selfish.
And lazy.
And he's one of those smokers whose fags and smoking a fag comes before anything else.
I hate people who break promises too.
Have your lie in tomorrow. Tell him to get his fucking arse in gear.

Why are you with him? Sounds like you'd be better off on your own.

Candyfloss99 · 20/02/2021 10:01

He's a very selfish man.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:03

@VintageStitchers He was up and in the downstairs loo for the massive poo, or at least it has to be the amount of time it takes. She was ok at first and chatting away, so no lie in of course but I assumed he’d at least be up in a minute. Waiting some more, she was getting more agitated, I looked out of the window and the car was gone 😡 so naturally with her crying and wanting breakfast, I got up and did it all for her.

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 10:03

I just don’t get all the drama with this kind of thing you read on here tbh, why does it have to be a huge farce - the whole ‘it’s your turn’, ‘it’s my lie in day’ etc etc.

Presumably because some people live with partners who don't naturally pull their weight and take turns. So without the drama/farce, one partner would end up doing 100% of the housework and childcare whereas the other, instead of pitching in, would be quite happy to lounge in bed all morning and not do their share.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:04

@Barrantsvidal Probably if he does lunch

OP posts:
teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 10:04

Crikey, my DD was at Nursery by age 3 (6 months older than OPs child)

how is that relevant in any way? Do you think nurseries leave children having food unattended?

Never left her unattended with a packet of peanuts, but certainly able to pop to the loo quickly whilst she had a plain biscuit and some juice in front of fun Song Factory. Confused

there are only 2 times when I would NOT leave my kids alone is when they were in the bath or eating!

Completely bonkers advice. You have the rest of the day to pop to the loos! Never took my kids in the loo with me either, it's grim.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/02/2021 10:05

He's not going to plan, or put her first, or get out of bed, while you step in and sort everything out every time.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:05

@MessAllOver Because when you go through phases of doing every wake up plus lots of other things and particularly because it had been a bad week, which I’d told him, it’s not that petty. It’s more about the big song and dance to Dd, then not doing it.

OP posts:
teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 10:06

@maddiemookins16mum

I just don’t get all the drama with this kind of thing you read on here tbh, why does it have to be a huge farce - the whole ‘it’s your turn’, ‘it’s my lie in day’ etc etc.
because some adults act like the OP's husband?

And also because parents are not mind-reader. A quick "I have them tonight and tomorrow morning" means you sleep better, and don't get up for them before you are even awake.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:07

@lottiegarbanzo I had to step in as she was hungry and she wasn’t there, hence why I’m so angry. Pisses me off as it sets the whole tone for the weekend now and it’s as though ‘I’M’ the moody one at fault spoiling everything, how does that happen 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Enlighten100 · 20/02/2021 10:07

Yanbu. You don't break promises to children unless you really can't fulfill them. Poor little one, knowing she is teething as well. He managed to prioritize himself quite fine though.

WombatChocolate · 20/02/2021 10:08

Have a char about mornings in general.
Point out that a slow start with long sits on the loo, followed by nipping out for fags or lying in bed waking up slowly don't work for toddlers.

If it's his turn to do breakfast and let you lie in, when she's ready to get up, he needs to be with her within 5 mins. Point out nicely that if she's been awake for ages and waiting she is noisy and you won't get your relaxation in. Ask if he can understand what you mean.....sometimes people need it spelled out. He probably does know already that 45 mins in the loo with her shouting in the background, means you're not relaxing and you will probably end up getting up and doing it.

I'd expect more from my DH...he knows that when I'm on a for a lie in, noisy toddlers need removing from my earshot within a couple of minutes or I will be wide awake and the precious moment is being asleep lost. So he's up and removing them speedily. Once they've got their breakfast and perhaps have some TV on, then he can visit the loo (can't leave them for 45 mins though!)
And when it's his turn, I do the same.

You can point it all out and it's possible he hadn't grasped it, but most peoole will have and it just shows he's not actually that considerate the towards you and more interested in himself....which is a disappointing thing to realise about your life partner.

Shedbuilder · 20/02/2021 10:08

@HitchFlix

An inordinate amount of dads are like this. They will tend to their own needs before the DC at the expense of the mother. It's sexist entitlement, it's infuriating and YANBU.
This. And women put up with it, and keep having children with them. The world is full of men (not all of them, but I'd say the majority) who put themselves first. I speak as the daughter of a nice man, never raised his voice or a fist, but whose needs always trumped those of the rest of the family.

Don't have any more children with him, OP, and start saving for an escape fund. You need to have a plan because you're partnered with an unreliable man who'll always put himself first.

MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 10:09

@Whizzpopbangy. I think you meant the other poster! I agree with you 100%. Not petty at all, imo. I'd be plotting my revenge (picking his items out of the laundry, not cooking dinner...) - but I am quite petty.

Cornettoninja · 20/02/2021 10:09

I had words with my DP about the importance of meaning what you say and following through with children. He didn’t improve in other areas but at least has learned only to offer something if he’s going to do it imminently. I did think it might shame him into keeping longer promises but it didn’t and honestly if someone’s not bothered you’re unlikely to find a way to get through to them.

It’s horrible watching your dc be so excited and then disappointed unnecessarily.

WeAllHaveWings · 20/02/2021 10:10

Cue this morning, Dd wakes at 6.45, Dp asleep until around 7.30, then on the toilet for god knows how long.

Ds would have been told to go wake dh at 6:45 if he had promised breakfast and ds wanted it. If he disappeared to the loo ds would have been sent in/told to knock and shout through the door to tell him to hurry up.

I end up getting up with no lie in and taking her down to breakfast...he wasn’t even there.

He never even stuck his head in to say he was going to shops and did you need anything? Leaving his dc upset too? He is a selfish prick. I wouldn't put up with that, there would be no moodiness but there would be a very frank talk.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:10

@LannieDuck By the time she was crying, he’d gone out, so I got to go feed her.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 20/02/2021 10:12

You had to step in then, once things had become desperate, because you hadn't woken him when she was first awake.

Original poster
Whizzpopbangy · 20/02/2021 10:13

*got up

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 20/02/2021 10:13

You should have a calm, non sulky chat though...not about today but about the general principles, of whoever is doing it the get-up needing to go and do it when toddler needs to get up, rather than expecting another hour to fiddle about doing their own thing, if the other is to actually get some further sleep.

You need to agree that when it's his turn, he will get up quickly and you won't. It probably hasn't been helped if you've had a history of you getting up and doing it through frustration...he's learned he can get away with it. If you don't do this, possibly you still won't get to sleep as he will be slow to get to the toddler, but he will actually eventually do it. Leaving the house to go shopping first is definitely not on....you have absolutely been left in charge then and have no choice but to attend to DC if she needs an adult. That's not fair.

MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 10:14

The other issue is safety...who walks out and leaves an awake toddler on their own in a house where the other parent is sleeping?

Here, one of us has the toddler (who's now 3 and quite sensible) at all times. That means not leaving him unattended and knowing where he is and that he's safe at all times.

There is no way I would pop to the shops by myself leaving DS playing downstairs with DH asleep upstairs in bed. He's a deep sleeper...he wouldn't hear if DS was getting into trouble.

Swipe left for the next trending thread