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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my children with me

223 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 07:52

I recently moved city and have had to change hospitals to give birth in. They've had to get me in for a quick appointment on Monday but DH works away and iv no family or friends that can watch my children. I told the women on the phone she said I couldn't bring them and she couldn't change the appointment because of how far I am. If I take my kids with me will they refuse to see me?

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 21/02/2021 21:05

you're going to have to have something in place. what about the next check up and if you're in labour early

Londonlou2 · 21/02/2021 21:15

Yes use sitters.co.uk they have always found me someone wherever we are & at short notice.

truthisalie · 21/02/2021 21:19

Do people really leave their kids with random strangers? I wouldn't lend a stranger my car much less trust them with my child.

Me neither but many people do it without blinking an eye.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2021 21:25

@Catsandkittens638297

If it was a possibility to watch them he would. We just moved here a month ago so we don't know the neighbours for them to watch the kids and my mum refuses to see people during the lock down and his mum has already said no

The family who you have moved to be near them have both refused to help you when you have a medical appointment

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2021 21:26

@saraclara

Since both her DM and DMIL seem to be local, I'd say that answers they 'why move' question.

But I don't see why OP is being expected to answer weird questions like that.

If it was a Big appointment, then I expect DH could work around it. But for a blood test? Would people here do an eight hour return journey, lose a day's pay and the cost of train fares (and possibly be seen as professionally unreliable if self employed if they have to delay postpone someone's work) because their partner had a blood test?

I can imagine the OP if a MNer's DH demanded they do that.

They may be local but unwilling to help for a medical appointment

Says a lot to me !!!!

saraclara · 21/02/2021 21:29

@Blondeshavemorefun why are you having a go at OP for moving? Her reasons are nothing to do with this problem. And I don't know why you think you know what it 'says'. It seems her DM is terrified of Covid if she's not seeing anyone. Not much OP can do about that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2021 21:39

Op also says when baby is due the restrictions will hopefully be less and her mum will help as not lockdown

But currently grandparents and others can he for
Childcare - which the op needs

Maybe I’m strange , but I find it weird that their family won’t help when it’s a medical appointment

But

I also suggested on my first reply to look on local fb for babysitters /nannys

Use an agency and they person would have been checked

00100001 · 21/02/2021 22:04

....yeah..
Why did you move so far a way from family AND work??

00100001 · 21/02/2021 22:06

@Blondeshavemorefun

Op also says when baby is due the restrictions will hopefully be less and her mum will help as not lockdown

But currently grandparents and others can he for
Childcare - which the op needs

Maybe I’m strange , but I find it weird that their family won’t help when it’s a medical appointment

But

I also suggested on my first reply to look on local fb for babysitters /nannys

Use an agency and they person would have been checked

Well, what if she has an emergency in the next few weeks? What if her DH is away working and she needs to go in for observations?

I still don't understand why they love so far away from family and work

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2021 22:11

Sounds like they moved to be near family

Just at the moment they aren’t helping due to covid - which I do get / but also when someone needs help esp for a medical app ........

Op I would get a back up plan and look for paid childcare which obv is making expense but may come in handy

Ringing a nanny agency won’t cost you anything unless you use their services

Dinkydody · 21/02/2021 23:59

@loopyapp

Wow the mumsnet privilege is showing in all ita Technicolor magnificance tonight!!!!!!

Perhaps given the pandemic and the self employed nature of her husbands work and the fact she doesn't seem.to be working and they have just mover house .. They don't have the spare change required to hire a complete bloody stranger to mind the little ones. (No way in gods green earth would I ever leave my children with a stranger) Or for him to lose a whole days work and pay train fair from wales to Yorkshire.

I know it's a bit of a shock but not everyone has the means to throw money at a situation and make things magically easier.

OP contact your new community midwife and explain the situation to them. Ask them help you manage any potential antenatal appointments going forward in a way that protects you and your baby whilst considering the fact you have existing children.

As a side note.. If my mum and MIL were so useless when i needed them during a pandemic they had better know they won't be as high a priority in mine and my children's lives once its over with providing they aren't CEV pf course.

Well said !

Sumwin1 · 22/02/2021 02:57

@loopyapp I agree!! Especially about OPs family not helping out.

Chunkymenrock · 22/02/2021 03:48

Where has OP gone? There are many great suggestions, especially seeing if someone can visit her to take the blood sample? What age are your children OP?

Blueink · 22/02/2021 06:59

It must be stressful moving so late in the pregnancy and partner distance to work but UABU to cancel & expect them to find you a later appointment. You have moved area and being booked into new service at 37 weeks, where they have already said they can’t leave it any later to book you. Partner is self employed & will lose one day wage and train fare and “it doesn’t make sense” to you is not a good reason - did you actually ask your partner and ask your Mum? This will be the new team delivering your baby, subsequent babies often come early and might not wait for a more convenient booking appointment. You are minimising the appointment and don’t really know the implications of not attending on you and your baby.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/02/2021 07:11

Did your DM and MIL say they'd help you with your DC if you moved closer and then change their minds?

Brunt0n · 22/02/2021 07:14

Time to be a bit more organised. What would you do if your waters went at 36 weeks since your husband has decided he’ll only help from 37 weeks?

I really don’t understand why people don’t think about these things long before they get pregnant again.

jentinquarantino20 · 22/02/2021 07:45

I had to have a smear during lockdown and was told no children but I literally had no one to have them so took the risk. They are 4 and 8, I couldn’t have left them at home. Although it riles me when it’s usually left to the woman to do/sort the childcare whether the man is the breadwinner or not, it’s unrealistic to travel 4 hours each way for an appointment that will be 10 mins tops.

Maybe just arrange for when he’s already home. Losing a days pay and paying extra travel when they are saving for a new baby is not ideal. My concern would be what help you will get in the future if you can’t get help for a blood test.

Blueink · 22/02/2021 08:00

OP said it was a 30 min booking appointment inc bloods

NewScone · 22/02/2021 08:09

They said no.
It might not "make sense" for your OH to travel back but it might be what he has to do.

Familyshopper · 22/02/2021 08:19

Only one way to find out ...

4amWitchingHour · 22/02/2021 08:36

I've had a few medical appts since giving birth and taken my 6 month old son to all of them. I've asked each time if it's ok and been met with "yes of course!" - staff are surprised I'm asking, there's never been any hesitation. Bristol area.

Barney60 · 22/02/2021 15:11

i work in a hospital, we would refuse you entry. Cant a friend or family member come and help you out, or husband take a day off and come back to help out?

Bzabo · 22/02/2021 15:37

When we moved it was because we couldt afford to live there anymore so moved 2h away where we didn't know anyone but was able to afford to live much better

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