To take my children with me

[Catsandkittens638297]

I recently moved city and have had to change hospitals to give birth in. They've had to get me in for a quick appointment on Monday but DH works away and iv no family or friends that can watch my children. I told the women on the phone she said I couldn't bring them and she couldn't change the appointment because of how far I am. If I take my kids with me will they refuse to see me?

@captainnoir not where l live. I got bad news so it would have been nice for him to be there actually. Unlike most l never leave with a nice scan picture. I typically leave in tears like l did this time

It does make sense, he chose to impregnate you, so he can do some reshuffling of work, it’s not difficult. Or, if he can’t be arsed, pay for childcare, as many PPs have pointed out.

It's hard , isn't it?
The staff can't be expected to look after your children. Your children shouldn't be privy to your appointment.
You say it's just for bloods but what if they can't get bloods? As happened to me so many times.
Your children shouldn't be there.
Your partner needs to step in.

Wow the mumsnet privilege is showing in all ita Technicolor magnificance tonight!!!!!!

Perhaps given the pandemic and the self employed nature of her husbands work and the fact she doesn't seem.to be working and they have just mover house .. They don't have the spare change required to hire a complete bloody stranger to mind the little ones. (No way in gods green earth would I ever leave my children with a stranger) Or for him to lose a whole days work and pay train fair from wales to Yorkshire.

I know it's a bit of a shock but not everyone has the means to throw money at a situation and make things magically easier.

OP contact your new community midwife and explain the situation to them. Ask them help you manage any potential antenatal appointments going forward in a way that protects you and your baby whilst considering the fact you have existing children.

As a side note.. If my mum and MIL were so useless when i needed them during a pandemic they had better know they won't be as high a priority in mine and my children's lives once its over with providing they aren't CEV pf course.

What would you do if you were rushed to hospital too tomorrow, too ill to watch the children? That's what you are expected to do now - whether that means convincing a family member, your DH losing a day of pay, or using sitters.co.uk

It’s a totally different thing though. If I were suddenly admitted to hospital my DH would take special leave to care for the kids or sister would travel the 60+ miles to my house to care for the kids. I’d not being putting those plans in place for a 20 minute hospital appointment.

The OPs husband is self employed so no one is paying for him to take “annual leave”, and not everyone can afford to lose a days wages. I’m assuming the kids would usually be in school so childcare wouldn’t ordinarily be an issue for routine appointments.

My DD has multiple hospital appointments over the month, 7 in February and my DH managed to get time off for all but one of them. That’s now 6 days annual used in one month for hospital appointments, which we obviously can’t sustain every month because he’ll run out of leave.

The appointment he couldn’t cover I had to take my DS and got a very stroppy response from the nurse but what the hell are parents supposed to do. We have no local family support, my DH couldn’t take the day and had already covered 6/7 appointments that month so not remotely slacking, my DS needs are such that I can’t leave him with an unknown sitter and my DD needed the appointment.

There needs to be a level of acceptance that while schools and aftercare are closed, and there are restrictions on travel and people are too anxious about Covid to offer ad hoc care, parents are at times just not going to have childcare when they normally would, or at times when they wouldn’t need childcare because children are in school. I’m not sure what else I could do with my 7 year old but the nurse seemed to think there were endless options, there really weren’t.

@loopyapp

Wow the mumsnet privilege is showing in all ita Technicolor magnificance tonight!!!!!!

Perhaps given the pandemic and the self employed nature of her husbands work and the fact she doesn't seem.to be working and they have just mover house .. They don't have the spare change required to hire a complete bloody stranger to mind the little ones. (No way in gods green earth would I ever leave my children with a stranger) Or for him to lose a whole days work and pay train fair from wales to Yorkshire.

I know it's a bit of a shock but not everyone has the means to throw money at a situation and make things magically easier.

OP contact your new community midwife and explain the situation to them. Ask them help you manage any potential antenatal appointments going forward in a way that protects you and your baby whilst considering the fact you have existing children.

As a side note.. If my mum and MIL were so useless when i needed them during a pandemic they had better know they won't be as high a priority in mine and my children's lives once its over with providing they aren't CEV pf course.

Privilege is expecting the NHS to change the rules for you rather than having your husband look after his own children either by him taking a day off or by re-arranging the appointment (politely) for during his week off.

The OP didn’t mention money issues, just not wanting to “waste” his day for her appointment so nothing like the situation you are painting.

The OP didn’t mention money issues, just not wanting to “waste” his day for her appointment so nothing like the situation you are painting.

You know that the OP could afford the money for travel and a days wages for the sake of a short hospital appointment? Privilege is assuming that folk can throw money at a problem unless they specifically say they’re on their knees financially.

@Jellycatspyjamas

The OP didn’t mention money issues, just not wanting to “waste” his day for her appointment so nothing like the situation you are painting.

You know that the OP could afford the money for travel and a days wages for the sake of a short hospital appointment? Privilege is assuming that folk can throw money at a problem unless they specifically say they’re on their knees financially.

Give over if it was a money issue it would have been said.

The OP’s husband works week-on-week-off yet the solution is to pressure the hospital rather than simply change the appointment. The “DH is simply too important” screams out of the posts. The sense of entitlement is staggering.

But do continue creating your own story, despite it not tying in with any of her posts, if you wish.

The OP’s husband works week-on-week-off yet the solution is to pressure the hospital rather than simply change the appointment

The OPs first post states she asked to postpone the appointment and the hospital refused because she was too far along.

But do continue creating your own story, despite it not tying in with any of her posts, if you wish.

Have you made a friend or two where you live now,who can watch your children whilst you go to the hospital if you won't be away too long.But will depend on your children if they would be ok with this.

Ohhhh OP I’m sorry that completely sucks. Definitely don’t take baby with you as they will turn you away.

However you have my complete sympathies, I live away from family and neither grandparents are keen on helping / having other issues with helping us with childcare. I started to panic around labour even precovid as I wasn’t sure who would look after our eldest.

Ring and cancel, my OH wouldn’t give up a days wage and travel back / forth from wales, it would be a good couple of hours easy driving each way.

Sorry you had some rubbish responses, OH “stepping up” isn’t quite as easy as some people think and a bit OTT for a blood test. I also wouldn’t hire a sitter for small children. Only option is to ring and and try a d rearrange, if they get grumpy just say you won’t be attending and ring your community midwifes to explain

You really think you’re above the rules of the hospital because you can’t manage your own time & kids?

That you are considering just ignoring the rules & turning up is pretty shockingly rude & they have every right to send you away.

The world doesn’t have to change its rules because you seem to have too many kids to manage & haven’t organised childcare.

@Catsandkittens638297

We live in yorkshire and he works in wales so he can't take the time off. When baby is due corona restriction shouldn't be so bad so my mum can come and DH also works a week on a week off and is taking time off from when I turn 37 weeks. It's just for bloods.

I could help out of you're nearby. I'm on south Yorkshire

Many women who don’t have a partner would be in this type of situation. What if she had been widowed? I have no immediate family as they are all decreased. I don’t expect medical professionals to be childcare but I would have to take my children to any appointments as I have no choice. Have some compassion.

@4ensic highly doubt someone who doesn’t want to get a babysitter would accept this offer from a random stranger on the internet.

I know you mean well but it’s a weird thing to offer on such a public forum.

It is for bloods! Contact Pals and just log this with them. Ie what you have been told and see what they say.

[quote gutful]@4ensic highly doubt someone who doesn’t want to get a babysitter would accept this offer from a random stranger on the internet.

I know you mean well but it’s a weird thing to offer on such a public forum.[/quote]
I actually meant sitting in the waiting room for the 5 or 10 minutes it would take for the blood test,not being totally alone in a strangers house with her little one.

Why iss it frowned upon to offer to Help 😢 this makes me feel like I've done something wrong.

@4ensic it just seems like a weird thing to offer on a public forum. Do you really expect the Op to message you & take you up on this offer?

@4ensic. I think it was nice to offer help . I honestly think we've all got to step up a bit while Covid/travel restrictions are going on.

And in the OP's position, I would ask my DH to come home for a scan but not for a blood test...If he does this sort of thing, they're going to run out of leave to cover the important medical appointments, especially if any issues arise later in the pregnancy. They have to make a judgment about how best to use his leave (even if unpaid) because they need him to keep his job so they have an income coming in. An unfortunate aspect of the current crisis is that people perceived as having "problems" (including caring responsibilities) are often first in line for redundancy.

Having said that, I've used sitters.co.uk, OP, and you get some lovely people with lots of nursery/nanny experience. I've mostly used them as emergency cover while I've been wfh in the house and struggling to meet important deadlines, but I've usually been happy to let the babysitter take my DS along to the playground for some fresh air.

[quote gutful]@4ensic it just seems like a weird thing to offer on a public forum. Do you really expect the Op to message you & take you up on this offer?[/quote]
I was being kind.

She is struggling and alone, she needs help for a few minutes to have a blood test done, I'm not going to be beating any kids or kidnapping them from a waiting room

I offered help, it's up to the OP what she does with that offer.

Where I live offering help to someone, including someone you don't know, is commonplace.

I sort of feel sad that you can't (or won't, for the sake of arguing) see that a genuine desire to help someone is weird - I think you finding my offer weird says a lot more about you rhan it does!!!

Are your mum and his mum local to you? You say they've refused but I don't understand why they're not willing to step in for a short lived childcare issue.

@4ensic it’s really not, this is a massive public forum not even a private one.

Surely if the OP isn't comfortable with a DBS checked stranger from a reputable agency she's not going to want a total stranger

I think it's more privileged to say "I would never leave my children with a stranger" actually, @loopyapp. Lots of us have to work or do stuff with no family support whatsoever. Times are very tough and money can be very tight. But either you have to invest lots of time in building strong reciprocal networks (which OP hasn't had time to do) or budget for giving someone £20 to mind the kids for a couple of hours. Maybe lots of people would rather their child was with a great mate or trusted granny. But it's just as caring and responsible to think ahead and try and save a bit of cash for emergency childcare fund, while you're making the friendships to help you in the long run.

Where I live offering help to someone, including someone you don't know, is commonplace. Good for you @4ensic x