Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my children with me

223 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 07:52

I recently moved city and have had to change hospitals to give birth in. They've had to get me in for a quick appointment on Monday but DH works away and iv no family or friends that can watch my children. I told the women on the phone she said I couldn't bring them and she couldn't change the appointment because of how far I am. If I take my kids with me will they refuse to see me?

OP posts:
Vodkabulary · 20/02/2021 10:09

It sucks but my hospital would refuse. Even pre covid they wouldn’t let kids come to the antenatal clinics

Ispini · 20/02/2021 10:28

Would it be possible for your GP to do bloods and send them onto the hospital? That would be the norm where I’m from.

Hahaha88 · 20/02/2021 10:40

Well clearly you can't go, you can't take your kids and that's that. They aren't going to refuse you an appt later on when you have got childcare, you cannot make their offered appointment and that's all there is to it. Call them back, advice you won't be able to attend and ask them to rearrange. Be firm but polite

WeeDangerousSpike · 20/02/2021 10:49

You can bubble with a household for childcare. It's allowed for your mum to travel to you to look after your kids, especially for a medical appointment.

WatchWatch · 20/02/2021 10:49

I ended up missing several appointments because of this, not much you can do really. DH was out of the country, all our friends work full time, as did family at that time who are also far away and childcare couldn't take DC1 for an extra day.

Call them, ask if they definitely won't see you and then cancel the appointment.

GeoffreyGeoffreys · 20/02/2021 10:53

I'm 21 weeks and spend alot of time in hospital currently. My hospital in Yorkshire would just turn you away.

Rupertbeartrousers · 20/02/2021 10:57

To be fair I would imagine this would count as providing care to a vulnerable person... can’t you ask a friend, even if they say in the car with kids while you go inside?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 20/02/2021 11:03

You'd be turned away here.

You can have people in your home for childcare. Get a babysitter.

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 20/02/2021 11:03

Of course your dh can take time off - unless he's got no AL left, his employer is refusing reasonable leave for him to attend an antenatal appointment (he's allowed leave for 2 unpaid appointments), or he could take leave for domestic emergency - in this case childcare whilst you go to appointment.

Him being in Wales is of no importance - I would see him needing to travel to look after his own child whilst the mother attends an antenatal appointment essential travel.

Wales is hardly abroad, some bits of it are only 60 miles from Yorkshire, even the furthest away points are less than a day's drive.

Your dh needs to step up.

MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 11:05

Ignore Covid restrictions. Just do what you would have done pre-Covid. Easiest thing might be to ask a friend/neighbour. I would care for any of my neighbours' kids without hesitation if they had a medical appointment to attend. I've offered for one of DS's nursery friends whose mum is pregnant so the dad can attend the birth (grandparents live abroad and can't travel due to Covid)

somuchcoffeeneeded · 20/02/2021 11:08

Your mum can provide childcare to allow you to attend a medical appointment. Or your husband takes time off.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/02/2021 11:11

Is your Mum near enough to come? You can travel for care responsibilities.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2021 11:11

Ypur Mum is allowed to come to babysit. It is essential childcare.

There can be a exception given because some women have no one they can trust and the schools are closed, but you have your Mum.

Thehawki · 20/02/2021 11:17

Can you knock on any trusted neighbours doors and ask them if they could look after your child for a couple hours? It seems like a tricky situation to be in so I sympathise.

Enlighten100 · 20/02/2021 11:20

The thing is you have asked they have quite clearly said no. To turn up doing exactly the opposite is wrong. I would even ask a neighbor, your mum, get a sitter.

lockdownalli · 20/02/2021 11:21

@Ffsffsffsffsffs

Of course your dh can take time off - unless he's got no AL left, his employer is refusing reasonable leave for him to attend an antenatal appointment (he's allowed leave for 2 unpaid appointments), or he could take leave for domestic emergency - in this case childcare whilst you go to appointment.

Him being in Wales is of no importance - I would see him needing to travel to look after his own child whilst the mother attends an antenatal appointment essential travel.

Wales is hardly abroad, some bits of it are only 60 miles from Yorkshire, even the furthest away points are less than a day's drive.

Your dh needs to step up.

Agree with this. If he won't support you in this and you don't have other options you will not get the tests.
YoniAndGuy · 20/02/2021 11:33

Yes your DH needs to have some of this popped onto his plate PRONTO.

Fuzzyspringroll · 20/02/2021 11:56

I'm abroad, so it might be different. Depends on the hospital, I guess. I had an appointment a few weeks ago and I mentioned that I'd need to bring DS. The lady on the phone said it wouldn't be a problem.
When I got to the hospital the lady at the front desk looked at me rather annoyed and asked whether I really had to bring him. My response was that, "Well, yes, I had to, actually and the lady on the ward where my appointment is had said it was ok." She was still a bit annoyed but sent me upstairs with him anyway. I'd had an appointment earlier that same week and my parents had driven for an hour to look after him but since they were working, too (as was DH), I couldn't ask them that day.

Original poster
Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 12:12

He's self employed so he isn't entitled to any kind of holiday.
Coming back for a day would mean losing a days wage, having to pay for the train here and back, sit for I think it's about 4 hours each way to watch them for a half an hour appointment. Doesn't really make sense

OP posts:
Original poster
Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 12:13

If it was a possibility to watch them he would. We just moved here a month ago so we don't know the neighbours for them to watch the kids and my mum refuses to see people during the lock down and his mum has already said no

OP posts:
Original poster
Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 12:13

Im just going to have to cancel the appointment and hope to speak to someone different who's willing to book me another appointment

OP posts:
JustLyra · 20/02/2021 12:14

@Catsandkittens638297

He's self employed so he isn't entitled to any kind of holiday. Coming back for a day would mean losing a days wage, having to pay for the train here and back, sit for I think it's about 4 hours each way to watch them for a half an hour appointment. Doesn't really make sense
It does make sense because you have a necessary medical appointment and he’s the only one that can do it.

The hospital are not going to change the rules just for you.

Volcanoexplorer · 20/02/2021 12:14

There was a thread recently about this issue. The lady wanted to take her baby in, but they refused and sent her home. It sounds like you’re in a different position, but I don’t think they’ll see you if you take the children. Is there anyway your husband could change his work schedule?

Mylittlepony374 · 20/02/2021 12:22

I live away from all family too. My husband is also self employed. He had to take so many days off to look after our toddker allow me to attend appointments with my second pregnancy. It's difficult but these are the consequences of decisions we make to have children without a village to help. It's not the hospitals job to accommodate you. Taking your children is v. V unreasonable. Make other plans.

AliceMcK · 20/02/2021 12:24

I’ve had to take my DCs to hospital appointments, there is nothing they can do. If they refuse to see you kick up a fuss. You can’t be expected to leave your children alone.

They have absolutely ridiculous rules in the uk about numbers of people in appointments even pre covid.

@EL8888 she’s not asking the staff to babysit she’s been told she has to attend an appointment and has her children to care for so has to take them with her. Not everyone has family or friends who can help especially during covid. I take my 3 children to appointments and never has there been a issue with staff nor has there ever been an occasion for the staff to look after my children.

Swipe left for the next trending thread