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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To take my children with me

223 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 07:52

I recently moved city and have had to change hospitals to give birth in. They've had to get me in for a quick appointment on Monday but DH works away and iv no family or friends that can watch my children. I told the women on the phone she said I couldn't bring them and she couldn't change the appointment because of how far I am. If I take my kids with me will they refuse to see me?

OP posts:
LMW1990 · 20/02/2021 12:37

Where in Yorkshire op? If you can be specific a about the hospital or trust I might be able to help? I work extras in maternity for one Yorkshire trust.

LIZS · 20/02/2021 12:38

No you can't take them. How old are dc? It may be that your dh has to lose a day's wages if the appointment is important. Why are you now in a situation where having moved, his work is not local? Alternatively you have a couple of days to find a sitter, through local fb/next door if you have no nursery or neighbour contacts yet. They could take them for a walk or meet at a play area near the hospital.

thenightsky · 20/02/2021 12:46

Bloody hell, how times have changed. When I had my 2nd in 1991, I often took my 1st along to anti-natals. I had no choice. DH worked away and my parents also were miles away and didn't drive. Anti-natal clinic was always full of toddlers in buggies or sitting on the bean bags in the toy corner.

thenightsky · 20/02/2021 12:47

Bloody hell, how times have changed. When I had my 2nd in 1991, I often took my 1st along to antinatals. I had no choice. DH worked away and my parents also were miles away and didn't drive. Anti-natal clinic was always full of toddlers in buggies or sitting on the bean bags in the toy corner.

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2021 12:49

@EL8888

YABVVU it’s a medical appointment during a pandemic and they told you that you can’t. Staff will be too busy to care for them and it’s an additional infection control risk. As a medical professional lm always amused / irritated when people attempt to use myself or colleagues as childcare. It’s not our role, we aren’t covered to do that and yes we are too busy
She only asked...
EL8888 · 20/02/2021 13:03

@AliceMcK it hasn’t been directly said in this instance but it is often suggested. Who will be caring for them though while she is engaged in the appointment. Being realistic appointments are timed / scheduled and interruptions will slow them down which isn’t fair on staff of other patients. The children have a father so it shouldn’t all be on her. This all academic anyway as due to the pandemic only the patient us allowed in, even dads can’t go in

captainnoir · 20/02/2021 13:21

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

Its really not ok to take them. In a previous thread a woman had been given bad news regarding her scan then had to sit in the waiting room with a pregnant woman and her partner both cooing over their toddler. Its really insensitive!

Also, its an important medical appointment, its not a child friendly environment.

I think I'm quite in the position to comment on this. 2 years back, I had preterm labour around 35 weeks, lost my baby at birth (neonatal death) Because then other women were also in emergency they moved me out of the bereavement room and put me in a postpartum ward, with mothers who had visitors round, balloons everywhere, I couldn't sleep despite being exhausted from losing too much blood, and all I could hear was newborns screaming. The midwives were incredibly sorry, I would consider that as insensitive?

I lost another baby, and had to sit in a waiting room with mothers being wheeled past me with their newborns wheeled with them.

This is part of life, children and babies are all around us and we can't escape that no matter how sad we are.

I'm incredibly high risk this pregnancy, and my husband has already used his 2 days he was allowed off. The hospital book appointments for me last minute, and fortunately, I have been allowed my child with me, except while waiting we have to wait outside not in the waiting room.
If someone was silently begrudging me calling me insensitive I would be quite shocked because no-body knows what I've been through or what my situation is.

In an ideal world, you have family nearby who can come in last minute, and we shouldn't have to essentially book a stranger for a few hours whom our child has never met?

When I was pregnant with the child I lost, my toddler had to bloody sit on my stomach for a cervical examination because I didn't fancy leaving her with her grandfather who has a predatory past.

you don't know peoples situations why they need their children there.

MagnoliaBeige · 20/02/2021 13:29

It’s beyond awful to be sat in a room full of children when you’ve just been given the worst news about your own pregnancy. Add in a global pandemic and it’s not unreasonable of the hospital to refuse extra people.

OP can you speak to your midwife or GP and find out what your options are to have the appointment elsewhere, or rebooked for a week your DH is around? You can’t be the first person in this predicament.

LIZS · 20/02/2021 14:44

@nannyogg op implied she would rearrange in the hope of talking the next person round.

Plutoh · 20/02/2021 14:49

Is it literally just for bloods? Here the GP can also do them for maternity appointments, you might have more of a chance of being able to take DC with you (we can here), they then send them on to the hospital and results are fed through the midwives as would be if you had them in hopsital.

TheCatThatGotTheCream · 20/02/2021 15:11

@unchienandalusia

Hire a sitter. Sitters.co.uk is you're friend.
Have you (or anyone else reading this for that matter) ever used sitters.co.uk? My partner and I live in a city away from relatives and I wouldn't feel comfortable just asking new friends that we've made to babysit. I thought about using this website but am a little cautious/worried.
TheCatThatGotTheCream · 20/02/2021 15:15

@AliceMcK

I’ve had to take my DCs to hospital appointments, there is nothing they can do. If they refuse to see you kick up a fuss. You can’t be expected to leave your children alone.

They have absolutely ridiculous rules in the uk about numbers of people in appointments even pre covid.

@EL8888 she’s not asking the staff to babysit she’s been told she has to attend an appointment and has her children to care for so has to take them with her. Not everyone has family or friends who can help especially during covid. I take my 3 children to appointments and never has there been a issue with staff nor has there ever been an occasion for the staff to look after my children.

Well yes, there is something that they can do - refuse to see you. Don't make HCP's lives harder by bloody well ''kicking up a fuss'' just because you don't want to abide by the rules that everyone else has to and that are in place for a good reason. Jesus Christ, the entitlement.
captainnoir · 20/02/2021 15:23

If hospitals carry on like this, there be a lot of negligence cases soon

m0therofdragons · 20/02/2021 16:23

So you’re choosing money over your and your baby’s welfare? No children are allowed into a hospital unless they are the patient. We’ve had a number of people who seem to think this didn’t apply to them and it’s infuriating. It puts staff at unnecessary risk.

MyLittleOrangutan · 20/02/2021 16:29

No children are allowed at my hospital or community midwives. And honestly I'd be quite annoyed if someone broke those rules and brought multiple kids. One babe in arms, fine, but multiple kids, no. It's about prioritising everyone's safety over one person's convenience. Our hospital is separated into pods, there would be no space for someone to have three kids without taking more than their allotted space and therefore not socially distancing from a pregnant woman.
Also you're not really able to fully supervise your kid during an appointment to make sure they're distancing and not touching things and keeping their mask on .

Babymamamama · 20/02/2021 16:36

OP you’ve had lots of good suggestions and advice on here. Either bubble up with someone who can watch your kids or your partner forgoes a days wage to come back to look after his own children. Simple no?

AliceMcK · 20/02/2021 16:59

[quote EL8888]@AliceMcK it hasn’t been directly said in this instance but it is often suggested. Who will be caring for them though while she is engaged in the appointment. Being realistic appointments are timed / scheduled and interruptions will slow them down which isn’t fair on staff of other patients. The children have a father so it shouldn’t all be on her. This all academic anyway as due to the pandemic only the patient us allowed in, even dads can’t go in[/quote]
The rules are not realistic at all. What is this lady supposed to do with her children? It is not realistic for a husband to take time off for every appointment especially when he works away. I’ve been there where my DH has wasted an entire days leave just so I can attend a 15 minute appointment. As I said not everyone has support with child care. Nor is asking someone not in your bubble allowed at the moment.

I know full well hospitals have discretion as I’ve taken my DCs to several appointments during the last year. I’ve never once had any problems as the Drs & Nurses have been 100% supportive and understanding.

The only issues I have ever had with hospitals is in the maternity departments which are absolutely dreadful in this country.

TillyTopper · 20/02/2021 17:01

Get a baby sitter for the time you need to be away, or he has to take a day's leave.

Plutoh · 20/02/2021 17:01

@m0therofdragons

So you’re choosing money over your and your baby’s welfare? No children are allowed into a hospital unless they are the patient. We’ve had a number of people who seem to think this didn’t apply to them and it’s infuriating. It puts staff at unnecessary risk.
Losing a days wage plus the travel costs (4 hours each way for 30 minutes or so) just isn't realistic for some. I am intrigued what support is in place for women who have no one yet need to attend apps, shameful if they're simply turned away and that's it.
MyDcAreMarvel · 20/02/2021 17:07

@Catsandkittens638297 just tell the hospital your dh works in a different country no need to name the country and you have no childcare. Best thing is to ring and speak to your consultants secretary.

londonrach · 20/02/2021 17:10

Yabu and you won't be seen. You've been told no children. Can you get someone to baby sit

Leah2005 · 20/02/2021 17:13

If it's just for bloods, is there a service in your area where someone will come to you to do them? We pay £11 for someone to do DM's at home.

EL8888 · 20/02/2021 17:13

@AliceMcK to be honest lm not thrilled by lots of the pandemic / lockdown rules but they are there for a reason. Plus antenatal appointments are especially sensitive bearing in mind the patient group. Who wants COVID whilst pregnant?! It is a medical appointment as well, that is the primary objective of it

AliceMcK · 20/02/2021 17:31

@TheCatThatGotTheCream your right, total entitlement wanting to be seen at an appointment that’s needed but being refused because you have to bring your children.

Maybe she tie her kids up outside with the dogs and all the smokers, or leave them in the car, if she’s lucky ss will take them away and she won’t have any childcare problems again 🙄

Sumwin1 · 20/02/2021 17:35

@lilymty

While I was waiting for my scan last week a lady brought her daughter with her. Daughter was in a pushchair. The lady looked heavily pregnant but they still refused to see her & sent her on her way.
If it was just for a scan. I think that is appalling surely they could have let her off.