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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my children with me

223 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 07:52

I recently moved city and have had to change hospitals to give birth in. They've had to get me in for a quick appointment on Monday but DH works away and iv no family or friends that can watch my children. I told the women on the phone she said I couldn't bring them and she couldn't change the appointment because of how far I am. If I take my kids with me will they refuse to see me?

OP posts:
ConflictedLady · 21/02/2021 17:28

If its just for bloods you should be able to collect the blood form and have them taken at your local surgery or phlebotomy dept where there won't be such strict restrictions

August1980 · 21/02/2021 17:33

I am with the ladies on this. If they said no. Try to be respectful. It is a pandemic and you are increasing the risk to staff. So they could refuse to see you. Rules apply to everyone.

wildchild554 · 21/02/2021 17:38

It depends, you need to ring again and check, I took one my sons for his appointment and was allowed to take my other son but this was pre arranged and I made sure to explain my situation that I had no one to look after him and if I couldn't bring him then we couldn't attend the appointment.

Devlesko · 21/02/2021 17:43

You need your dh to be able to be there with you.
I know it's difficult but being self employed he gets to choose where others don't.

Ssandy52 · 21/02/2021 17:45

Your mum can babysit as childcare is allowed. If not go on childcare website and see if someone who has references can accompany you and sit in car or something. You shouldn’t be missing appts. I took my 3 year old to a midwife appt last week and she didn’t mind. So maybe if your gp surgery community midwife will do it instead?

5zeds · 21/02/2021 17:46

Dh would take time off.

saraclara · 21/02/2021 17:50

Why are both DM and DMIL refusing to help?

The man hate on here is grim. He's in Wales FFS. I honestly don't believe that all the frothers here would expect their DHs to drop their self-employed work, so far away, and at such cost, for what will be a ten minute appointment.

OP, if the DMs can't be budged, get in touch with your community midwife, or see if you have a local Good Neighbours scheme. The one I belong to would be only too happy to help you, by attending the hospital and sitting with your children. We're all DBS checked etc.

Dontwanttolivewithmylover · 21/02/2021 17:50

Is there a nursery nearby which will take them for a morning or afternoon?
Difficult I know. Whereabouts are you?

TinselTinsel · 21/02/2021 17:53

I am shocked at how many of the fathers don't step up in this situation!

I "was" the go to person to look after my friends young child when she had hospital appointment until I pointed out that I am NOT the 3rd parent! Her partner thought it was ok for me to lose a days wage to look after their child but he was willing to lose any money himself. He always suggests me as the sitter, CF!

I have now made myself unavailable as a babysitter "forever", though I would in honesty help out in a REAL emergency .

TinselTinsel · 21/02/2021 17:54

*he WASN'T willing to lose a days wage.

tommyhoundmum · 21/02/2021 17:54

Try for a baby sitter and then let the matter rest.

Hepsie · 21/02/2021 17:55

Have you (or anyone else reading this for that matter) ever used sitters.co.uk?

Yes. Loads and loads. For about 5 years when I was a single parent. They stepped in when I was in a work fix many a time, and also night time babysitting so I could go out. They are absolutely fine.

RedskyBynight · 21/02/2021 18:02

I think everyone has already made the point that you really can't take your children with you. Children actually needing medical care are not allowed in hospital at the moment, due to Covid!

For this occasion, your best bet is to reschedule. However, you do need to work out a Plan B for an emergency.

wildchild554 · 21/02/2021 18:07

@RedskyBynight are you sure you wrote that right, children not allowed in hospital for medical care?

Mumof3girlygirls · 21/02/2021 18:13

The world has literally gone mad!! We are not allowed to meet family or friends so what are we supposed to do?? Break the law for hospital appointments? Baffling and saddening

PerspicaciousGreen · 21/02/2021 18:15

I've done pregnancies and births in two different hospitals and they had different policies towards children. One was zero children in any appointment ever. The other, they would allow older children in scans, for example, or younger children to come if looked after by another adult. The policy seriously will be the policy, though, and you should not expect to turn up with your children and be seen if they've said you can't be.

WRT them not changing the appointment, if it's some bloods that can only be done at a certain stage of the pregnancy then you may miss out on this test. If they don't have an appointment to offer, they don't have an appointment to offer. On the other hand, you may be able to get a cancellation or similar.

I do honestly understand your husband not being able to take time off work, but none of the options available to you include you taking your children with you if they've said no, I'm afraid. You can either beg and grovel for an appointment change; or you can decide not to have these blood tests and deal with any consequences; or you can find a babysitter.

It's pants. It really is. In the first hospital I was at, an appointment would take fully half a day with all the hanging around waiting for them and I'm so glad I didn't have a child already as childcare would have been a nightmare. With the second, I could actually expect to be seen at my appointment time, which made things so much easier.

Skyelils · 21/02/2021 18:16

Can’t you try and arrange to have them at a drive thru blood testing centre . I’ve had all my done at drive thru

Candyfloss99 · 21/02/2021 18:18

@Catsandkittens638297

He's self employed so he isn't entitled to any kind of holiday. Coming back for a day would mean losing a days wage, having to pay for the train here and back, sit for I think it's about 4 hours each way to watch them for a half an hour appointment. Doesn't really make sense
It makes more sense than taking your children to a hospital appointment during a lockdown due to a pandemic. You clearly prioritise money over your own and everyone else's health.
Whu020 · 21/02/2021 18:24

Where abouts in Yorkshire? Cant somebody offer some common sense advice and help her out or has everyone become so judgemental rather than offering a solution, regardless of a pandemic she's a woman with children. Tell them you can't go for bloods and if they want then arrange them through your Drs that may be more accommodating. Situations like this have just gone OTT

Whu020 · 21/02/2021 18:26

Absolutely

busymomtoone · 21/02/2021 18:26

So both future grandparents won’t/ can’t help and DH won’t get paid leave/ “ too far “ to come back yet you are somewhere where you do not know anyone? I don’t envy your position, but it isn’t unique- hospitals are way too busy and risky to be able to offer free childcare during a pandemic ( if it ever was appropriate for them to do so). For your own and your children’s sakes/ sanity you really really need to have a trustworthy babysitter or two lined up ( pref ones that work at local nursery/ childminders etc so you can feel confident in them ). Don’t leave it until , God forbid, you end up needing to go in for a reason that can’t be postponed- what would you do then? It’s surely common sense to have someone lined up whom you’ve met and who the children know just incase ( if your husband is away a lot, it would otherwise be a nightmare if you ever had to take any/ all of the children to the docs let alone hospital.) I get that money might be tight , but just booking the odd hour ( if only so you can explore the area, find out where local hospital is etc) will be worth its weight in gold as added security for your family and peace of mind for you and your good health (it’s not a great option to miss all pre natal or other medical appointments just because your husband won’t arrange to be there)

RedskyBynight · 21/02/2021 18:33

[quote wildchild554]@RedskyBynight are you sure you wrote that right, children not allowed in hospital for medical care?[/quote]
Yes. It's pretty much emergencies only at our local hospital. DD's consultant wants to see her f2f but she is not bad enough (she's been in pain for over a year, what's a bit longer ...) to be allowed in.

truthisalie · 21/02/2021 18:36

OP, I do hope you can take your DC with you. I am disgusted that you aren't allowed to do it yet you are expected to mix up with a baby sitter.

Hmm1234 · 21/02/2021 18:39

I recently gave birth and watched children with parents being turned away at the maternity hospital. It depends on your oldest age and if they can stand with the others outside the entrance until your appointments over

JustLyra · 21/02/2021 18:40

@truthisalie

OP, I do hope you can take your DC with you. I am disgusted that you aren't allowed to do it yet you are expected to mix up with a baby sitter.
You really can’t see the difference in those two situations? No reason why hospitals are minimising people coming in?
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