Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my children with me

223 replies

Catsandkittens638297 · 20/02/2021 07:52

I recently moved city and have had to change hospitals to give birth in. They've had to get me in for a quick appointment on Monday but DH works away and iv no family or friends that can watch my children. I told the women on the phone she said I couldn't bring them and she couldn't change the appointment because of how far I am. If I take my kids with me will they refuse to see me?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/02/2021 17:36

You are allowed to use childcare.

What would you do if you were rushed to hospital too tomorrow, too ill to watch the children? That's what you are expected to do now - whether that means convincing a family member, your DH losing a day of pay, or using sitters.co.uk

Deadringer · 20/02/2021 17:38

Your dh needs to take the time off, inconvenient though it may be.

Sumwin1 · 20/02/2021 17:39

@Ispini

Would it be possible for your GP to do bloods and send them onto the hospital? That would be the norm where I’m from.
This.
MatildaTheCat · 20/02/2021 17:40

Is it definitely just bloods. Usually when you move hospital you have to be completely rebooked. Call up and ask what can be done. Possibly your GP surgery or community midwife can help.

Embracelife · 20/02/2021 17:41

For a short time your dc will cope with a baby sitter from reputable agency.
Book baby sitter
You need to quickly get some contacts for appts or emergency

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/02/2021 17:43

Ps OP you really need a proper plan if your DH is 4 hours away in wales and at the mercy of the train timetable.

What will you do if your baby has to come early, or you arent well beforehand etc.

notalwaysalondoner · 20/02/2021 17:45

Have you heard of emergency childcare? It’s not cheap but if you don’t have any alternative it’s what it’s there for. Big cities will have lots of nanny agencies that offer this and if you live rurally then ask local mums groups etc for recommendations for childminders or nannies that can do a couple of hours. You can ask to see their DBS and if they’re ofsted registered. This is what happens if you don’t set up a support network, you don’t get to just break the rules because it’s not convenient or cheap for you.

Sugarandteaandmum · 20/02/2021 17:50

I haven't used sitters.co.uk but have used childcare.co.uk op, and found qualified and sensible nannies with DBS checks. You can interview and talk with them and see if they se sensible and you get a good vibe from them. I would really consider making some links with professional childcare people and ideally doing a trial day with one or two while you stay in the house- as you never know when you will need them and you're in a new place with no support network. There are lots of nannies now not working who would be happy to help I'm sure.

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 20/02/2021 17:51

I would call back, explain the situation again and ask if there’s another solution- it’s bloods so might be able to be done at your GP surgery? Should take no more than 10 minutes if that for the actual appointment. Either way the results are usually back within 4 days and you’re not even 37 weeks yet so I don’t see why it can’t be done at a slightly later date. Does your partner come home at all like for the weekend? If so could he come back on aThursday instead of Friday and then he could have the kids while you’re in the appointment? He’d lose a days pay but won’t be extra travel expenses on top. I have a lot of sympathy for your situation- I have a child with SEN who I was totally unable to leave with anyone else when he was small so took him everywhere with me so had to come up with alternative arrangements a lot.

Sugarandteaandmum · 20/02/2021 17:52

@notalwaysalondoner is right to mention nanny agencies as well - might be helpful as then you have an extra layer of someone (the agency) doing the checking. lots of people have no family or trusted people around and this is a good option, honestly.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 20/02/2021 17:53

If it's just for bloods and not a scan or anything then could you try and get it done by the GP or community midwife instead?

PatchworkElmer · 20/02/2021 17:54

I’d phone and ask if there’s any alternative at all- private bloods taken at home? If not, are any of your DC in early years care? I think my first port of call in your situation would be DS’s nursery, to ask if any of the staff were available for paid babysitting on their day off. Or- does your DH come home at weekends? Could you ask for an appointment early on Monday morning so that he could get back to work on the train for lunchtime, and only miss half a day’s work with no extra travel costs?

... What will you do for midwife appointments in the run up? What happens if you go into early labour?

cardibach · 20/02/2021 17:55

@captainnoir

If hospitals carry on like this, there be a lot of negligence cases soon
It is in no way negligent to enforce patient only rules - even without a pandemic. Rather the opposite, I’d have thought...
MzHz · 20/02/2021 17:56

@Catsandkittens638297

If it was a possibility to watch them he would. We just moved here a month ago so we don't know the neighbours for them to watch the kids and my mum refuses to see people during the lock down and his mum has already said no
Shame on both your mum and mil!

Ffs! Let’s hope neither of them are relying on you to care for THEM

EL8888 · 20/02/2021 18:08

@captainnoir there’s no neglect Hmm, she’s been offered an appointment for care and attention. She just doesn’t like the conditions of it. Even if she goes private there will be conditions e.g. the ultrasound appointment l attended recently, l had to go on my own and fiancé couldn’t attend

Plutoh · 20/02/2021 18:10

It is in no way negligent to enforce patient only rules - even without a pandemic. Rather the opposite, I’d have thought...

There are people who for a variety of reasons wouldn't be able to find childcare, yes it is negligent for a hospital to deny someone (both parent and unborn child in this case) care, morally if not legally which is shameful.

seven201 · 20/02/2021 18:26

You can buy all sorts of blood tests online postal these days. You just prick your finger and drop it in. Obviously I have no clue what they want to test your blood for or if any of the postal services offer what you need, but it's worth checking. I still think hiring a babysitter is the easiest and cheapest option though, even if you met them outside the hospital and they just walked your baby round until you're out.

Why are you against a babysitter? I'd be slightly nervous too because of covid but you're out of options. Skipping the blood test completely is not a good idea.

Di11y · 20/02/2021 18:29

If he's a week on week off I guess you try for an appt the following week?

nicknamehelp · 20/02/2021 18:36

can't your mum come to watch them if she is when you give birth?

mootymoo · 20/02/2021 18:45

Ask on your local Facebook group or covid support forum if anyone can recommend a babysitter. I watched my new neighbours kids fir similar reasons, good to help them

JustLyra · 20/02/2021 19:02

The rules are not realistic at all. What is this lady supposed to do with her children? It is not realistic for a husband to take time off for every appointment especially when he works away. I’ve been there where my DH has wasted an entire days leave just so I can attend a 15 minute appointment. As I said not everyone has support with child care. Nor is asking someone not in your bubble allowed at the moment.

Taking a days leave so your wife can attend and important medical appointment is not a wasted day. It's being a father and husband.

Hospitals don't need to change their policies. People need to stop seeing childcare as a women's problem and their men's jobs as sacrosanct. Leave is for days when he needs or wants to be elsewhere - things like this are what leave is for ffs.

JustLyra · 20/02/2021 19:03

@Plutoh

It is in no way negligent to enforce patient only rules - even without a pandemic. Rather the opposite, I’d have thought...

There are people who for a variety of reasons wouldn't be able to find childcare, yes it is negligent for a hospital to deny someone (both parent and unborn child in this case) care, morally if not legally which is shameful.

That isn't the case here though. If the woman genuinely had no options then the hospital social worker could get involved and find support services.

"My DH doesn't want to take the time off work" is not someone who has no options.

JustLyra · 20/02/2021 19:04

Shame on both your mum and mil!

Shame on them, but not shame on the DH for not taking a day off to mind his own kids?

AliceMcK · 20/02/2021 19:15

@JustLyra

The rules are not realistic at all. What is this lady supposed to do with her children? It is not realistic for a husband to take time off for every appointment especially when he works away. I’ve been there where my DH has wasted an entire days leave just so I can attend a 15 minute appointment. As I said not everyone has support with child care. Nor is asking someone not in your bubble allowed at the moment.

Taking a days leave so your wife can attend and important medical appointment is not a wasted day. It's being a father and husband.

Hospitals don't need to change their policies. People need to stop seeing childcare as a women's problem and their men's jobs as sacrosanct. Leave is for days when he needs or wants to be elsewhere - things like this are what leave is for ffs.

Of course it’s a waste of leave to take a full day off to cover a 15 min appointment. And it has nothing to do with responsibility of the man. My DH works dam hard so I can stay home and look after my children. He has no problem looking after our DCs or doing housework, giving me time out to see friends (pre covid) but I’d much rather he used his leave on days we need him, when I’m too sick or the DCs are sick or when my TI dad was rushed into hospital and he flew home straight away so I could be by his side...or to spend time with us all as a family on holiday. If he took a whole days leave everytime myself or one of the DCs had a hospital appointment he would have no leave at all and be taking unpaid time off which would eventually result in him loosing his job which supports us. For reference I go for blood tests fortnightly, sometimes weekly, I also have regular hospital appointments at least once a month, 2 of my children are also under the hospital for treatments. So whenever any one of us has an appointment that dosnt fall within school hours (which is never at the moment) all 4 of us have to attend.
Bourbonbiccy · 20/02/2021 19:19

They have made it clear they do not want your children there, respect that.
Cancel your appointment and reschedule, if it's urgent they can maybe send out a district nurse like they do for my neighbours, but they are elderly, but either way reschedule you can't go.

Swipe left for the next trending thread