To want OH to stop policing my baths/showers

[H3llohEll0]

I'll preface this by saying I have good personal hygiene, so it's not that. I shower and bath regularly.

He usually works during the night but when he's off he does this every time.

I could be in the middle of a book or doing work on the laptop and he'll say "ill run your bath now"

I never ask him to. It's a nice gesture but not always convenient.

Sometimes I just don't want one, or want to be left to my book/tv programme/work. Maybe I'll only want a quick shower later on.

If you were in the middle of something and your DH tells you when to get a bath would you find it annoying?

That would annoy me I think. I like to have my bath/shower when I want to.

What happens if you say thanks but I don’t fancy one now?

That’s a bit odd really

Presumably you just say no if you don’t want to?
Have you ever told him it’s annoying? Maybe he thinks you like it if you’ve always wanted one before. I wonder if it started as a nice thing you were pleased about but now it’s changed into him feeling he has to do it and you not really wanting it.

I wouldn’t like that one bit. Why the hell does he think he gets to decide when you should have a bath?

@PinkiOcelot

That would annoy me I think. I like to have my bath/shower when I want to.

I do too.

I shower every morning without fail, I don't always want to lay in a hot bath for 30-60 minutes of an evening. It's faff.

That would give me nuts! If you're certain your hygiene is fine then I'd definitely say no thank you!

Maybe you do actually smell and he’s trying to politely hint, rather than outright saying it

Does he think he's treating you?

Yes, wouldn't you just say "not now thanks".

If you're not able to do that, then there is a problem.

This sounds so weird. My DP would never do anything like this. But i can imagine my DSis DH doing this, hes a people pleaser and it would be his awkward way of trying to be "nice".
How do you respond to him? And how does he take it?

Very odd. Have you asked him why he does it?

I’d try “no thanks, I’m doing xyz” every time for a month and see if it stops. Or just tell him to stop if it annoys you.

I’d find it paternalistic and bossy.

How do you respond?

He may think he is being kind, I don't know . Personally I would find this intolerable. Firstly he is making choices about how you spend your time and secondly he is wasting energy and water.

I would be quite paranoid about smelling bad if my OH did this. But it's a bit weird.

Just say no thanks? Do you just stop wheat you are doing and go for a bath?

So just say no thanks?

What not wheat

Never once asked him to do it for me no.

I have a feeling it's a precursor to sex. He knows I'm much more likely to fancy it if I feel fresh and have shaved my legs etc. We had it last night so he's not desperate.

Sometimes today I can't be bothered with much by the way of long baths and sex, I just wanted to read my book in peace.

I asked him tonight why he's policing my baths and he said it's because I usually like to have one. I like to have them, on my terms.

I wouldn't dream of telling him when to get in the shower 😐

My DH will say 'shall I run you a bath?' to be caring. I'll just say I don't fancy one if don't want one. And that's that.

@TooTiredToBeCreative

What happens if you say thanks but I don’t fancy one now?

I did that tonight.

I said I'll get a shower later on. Half an hour later he said "you can go and have your shower now"

When he asks just say - no I don't want a bath!!

@Bellabelloo

Does he think he's treating you?

I think it's 30/70

30% doing something nice
70% ensuring he gets his leg over

Is this the first time you’ve said no?

This is so strange.

Is this more about sex than the bath?