To want OH to stop policing my baths/showers

[H3llohEll0]

I'll preface this by saying I have good personal hygiene, so it's not that. I shower and bath regularly.

He usually works during the night but when he's off he does this every time.

I could be in the middle of a book or doing work on the laptop and he'll say "ill run your bath now"

I never ask him to. It's a nice gesture but not always convenient.

Sometimes I just don't want one, or want to be left to my book/tv programme/work. Maybe I'll only want a quick shower later on.

If you were in the middle of something and your DH tells you when to get a bath would you find it annoying?

Eight. It's softening you up for sex. So calculating, so creepy, so self serving

@MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere

This makes me think of men who can't give a hug without trying to make it sexual or gropy, or those men who only offer to give a shoulder rub because they think it will lead to sex.

This with bloody bells on!

Why am I not surprised he's a groper, too.

How creepy, I’d never have a bath again

He wants you to stop work have a realaxing bath, nice and clean, ready to dtd.

OP just have your bath/shower really early and then settle down with your book. That will flummox him.

@Candyfloss99

I find it very strange that he's been running you baths for years when you don't want one and you've never said to him, no thanks I don't want a bath tonight.

I don't think that's what OP is saying, is it? It's just that she's only just put two and two together about how regular this is and how it is likely to be linked to wanting sex.

@RepulsedofRedbridge

"irony" Google it

Can you explain the irony in this? I know what irony is, I just can't see it here.

@katy1213

I suppose you could always smile sweetly and say, 'You can go and wank now.'

😂

Please do this

Mines like this, but so am I.
If it doesn't bother you normally, no harm done.
There's times either me or dh isn't up for it, so we just communicate with each other.
Oh, and we've been married mostly very happily for 30 years.

I think you should address this head on:

"Husband, it seems like you run a bath for me without my asking not as an act of generosity but to get me to have sex with you. It feels manipulative, and I don't like it. I'd prefer you directly initiate sex when you want it instead."

I like the idea of breaking the connection between a bath and sex. Maybe make him think that you having a bath is actually putting you off - e.g. if you get into bed, yawn loudly, say that the bath has relaxed you so much you're nicely ready to sleep, and firmly turn your back on him and close your eyes.

Next time take the bath and later when he tries to initiate see say 'no thanks, after you going to the bother of running a bath I don't want to get sweaty'.

He wants you out of the way so he can scarf all the cheese in the fridge.

It's a bit like getting a lovely back massage, then they say "right, turn over then"...

I like the idea of breaking the bath/sex connection, I'll take that on board.

I've had to be very direct with him in the past because he's insatiable, he would happily have sex multiple times a day and that isn't for me. We do have it every other day but occasionally a couple of days will go by and by then he's practically climbing the walls.

I enjoy back massages but I seldom get one unless he thinks he's on a promise. Strange that, or not.

he gropes me throughout the day which is him letting me know he's in the mood.

@H3llohEll0 I couldn't put up with that OP, nor the constant awareness that he's trying to get a shag.

So he read a mans magazine that suggested that to get his leg over he needs to be thoughtful "try running her a bath!" and has stuck to that ever since. Seems to be common amongst men who's late teen/early twenties years where in the Nineties when FHM and GQ where at their height....sadly.

I would stick to a "no thanks" on the bath thing until he starts doing all the housework. Thats worth a blow job in anyones book :o

"No thanks. I'm reading. And even if I weren't, we are not having sex tonight. Get over it."

Of course, you should balance that out with occasionally looking at him with a big grin, and saying, "Sweetheart, would you go run me a bath?"

If he “gropes” you that is grim and all off
To describe someone as a groper equates to non enjoyment at the very very least.

It really depends on whether you want sex or not. If you want to read your book and he runs you a bath, just say great, have the bath and go back to your book. There is no need for it to lead to sex unless you want it to.

So he’s a gropey sex pest and in the evening you prefer to read independently or work on your laptop instead of doing things like watching TV together?

Sounds like the relationship has run its course.

I am forming a hypothesis about the cause of the breakdown of his previous relationship, @H3llohEll0.

Am I really being unreasonable to not want it every night?
NO, a million times.

And if he ever gives you the impression that you are being unreasonable, it's time to start considering alternatives to this relationship.

The groping alone would make me feel sick. But the baths on top of that - I would sit him down and tell him:
"I like sex and I like baths, but I want them when I want them and don't like feeling as though it's expected of me."

His response to this will tell you a lot.

This whole thing is creepy as hell. The phrase "get his leg over" is gross too, why are you using phrases about yourself like that? You're not invisible, or inanimate. You play an equal part in sex, you get to choose when you have it, you get to choose when you bathe and why. And he's climbing the walls after 2 days without sex? He needs to learn how to relieve himself of that burden rather than putting it on you. Come on OP, you're worth more than someone touching you up whenever they feel like it and ordering you to make yourself good so they can come inside you. What about your pleasure?