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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 year dd being called babe by 12 yr old boy and I ain’t happy

216 replies

Rosita101 · 17/02/2021 10:48

Ok, I’m just trying to get a different perspective here... checked my daughters phone and there it was.. messages from a boy in her class calling her baby. I am tempted to block him on her phone but obviously I prefer to keep the communication open with my daughter. There was lots heart emojis and promises of holding hands/hugs when lockdown is over but no kisses involved.. phew. She’s turning 13 soon and I’m worried it will turn into a proper relationship, which obviously I’m not supportive of, as I think it far too young. I’ve met the boy a few times at the school gate ( as her friend , I didn’t know they had feelings for each other), She then told me they like each other but I always say for me he’s just her “ like interest” , not a boyfriend. I’m so uncomfortable with the fact he calls her baby /my baby girl . It does not sit well with me.
Am I totally over reacting? Please be brutally honest!!

OP posts:
lana135 · 17/02/2021 14:34

When I was in school guys used to call girls their b*tches so i guess 'babe' isnt so bad. As uncomfortable as it might make you this is completley normal behaviour for kids that age. I know some parents call their kids babes so maybe he doesn't see it in an overly sexual way.

Lorieandrews · 17/02/2021 14:34

My friends married her boyfriend whom she met first day of secondary school

They’ve just celebrated their 23 rd wedding anniversary

So it’s not always a bad thing.

midnight90 · 17/02/2021 14:47

YABU, shes 12 nearly 13 and can think for herself, if you have brought her up the correct way she should know about boys ect
Why dont you invite this boy round when lockdown is over and get to know him as 'potential' boyfriend??

Dipi79 · 17/02/2021 15:09

YABU to say "I ain't" within the thread's title. 😁

ScarfaceCwaw · 17/02/2021 15:09

Jeez, I don't care for "babe", but some of you are acting like he's given her the pet name "slut". It's a normal, if slightly twee, thing for both adults and teens to call a boyfriend or girlfriend.

TonightMatthew · 17/02/2021 15:18

I really don't mind babe or baby and in our house we use it for male and female. I call my kids 'baby' in affection and I'd say babe was applicable to both sexes? Certainly as a teenager we'd say a guy was a total babe or something.

ginnybag · 17/02/2021 15:55

I would perhaps (very gently) challenge the use of language specifically. I hate 'babe/baby' etc and perhaps suggest she encourages other terms.

There's not a lot you can do re the 'boyfriend' - it's fairly normal for the age.

I'm with you on occasionally checking the phone. I do with my daughter (age 11) and will continue to for a while yet. It's very easy for them to get in over their heads on a lot of different things.

sparklefarts · 17/02/2021 16:32

Chill

Cam2020 · 17/02/2021 16:37

Why do you think your daughter might not have told you if she has feelings for this boy or if he is her boyfriend?

I suspect it might be something to do with your reaction here.

Dobbyismyfavourite · 17/02/2021 16:45

@mrswooster exactly. I don't particularly like babe/baby but if they are the same age it is fairly harmless.

So important that teenagers can talk to you about anything it gives them confidence to put their own boundaries in place. Also your DD is 12 of cause you should be checking her phone. Once they get to 16 then a right to privacy but social media is a nightmare for teenagers.

StepOutOfLine · 17/02/2021 18:30

[quote Rosita101]@StepOutOfLine she calls him by his name[/quote]
I mean what do her messages to him say, not what she calls him. I presume she replies to his messages?

Abraxan · 17/02/2021 18:40

But the girl isn't having an active sex life.

The texts talk about holding hands and hugs - all totally normal for a 12/13 year old first girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Babe/baby is just the way kids talk these days - to friends of either sex from what I can gather.

She's not going to get pregnant from holding hands and because a boy called her 'baby' is she?

It's over reacting to be wanting to block a young lad from texting her daughter saying he wants to hold her hand - especially if the daughter is happily part of the conversation, which is sounds like she is. None of that is inappropriate at age 12/13.

Original poster
Rosita101 · 17/02/2021 19:01

@StepOutOfLine that’s what I meant, she calls him by his name on text and bf ( I presume it’s an acronym for boyfriend)

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 17/02/2021 19:14

She's not going to get pregnant from holding hands and because a boy called her 'baby' is she?

What, don't you? Isn't that how it happens?

Serin · 17/02/2021 19:26

I think they sound sweet. Bet they just loved Valentines day.

Runmybathforme · 17/02/2021 19:36

Well, you’re in for a hell of a time in the next few years. If you carry on like this, your DD will become secretive and you won’t know anythIng about her life. Pick your battles.

wingingit987 · 17/02/2021 19:40

Omg 😂🤣😂

Jesus why can't a 12 year old have a boyfriend.

You sound mental

RootyT00t · 17/02/2021 19:45

@BigFatLiar

She's not going to get pregnant from holding hands and because a boy called her 'baby' is she?

What, don't you? Isn't that how it happens?

Shit, I let a boy use my toilet...
SpanxAreMyFriend · 17/02/2021 19:58

Omg! Were you never a teenager?!?!? ShockShock

FuckingFabulous · 17/02/2021 20:00

Have you alerted the church elders?

Honestly Op, totally normal. My DD is 13, has hs same bf for over a year and they call each other babe, baby boy/girl, bae and a hundred other syrupy sweet names. I think they've kissed once from what I've overheard on my daughter's extra loud volume FaceTime with her best friend. Calling someone baby at 12 doesn't lead to holding a baby at 13

KarmaStar · 17/02/2021 20:14

You are joking?

SooMoony · 17/02/2021 20:44

My friend met her boyfriend at 12, married him at 18, still married 30 years later with 3 adult children and 7 grandchildren.

Your daughter is growing up, you need to accept it. It's not as if she's sending him nudes and sexting for goodness sake or is she

Billandben444 · 17/02/2021 20:56

Jesus why can't a 12 year old have a boyfriend.
Really? Are they going to just hold hands until she's 16 then?

justcannotwithyou · 17/02/2021 21:02

@Billandben444

Jesus why can't a 12 year old have a boyfriend. Really? Are they going to just hold hands until she's 16 then?
Really? We're banning our kids from having relationships before the age of 16 now?
DumpedByText · 17/02/2021 21:25

This will backfire on you I'm afraid. If you check her phone and block people she won't trust you and may feel she can't tell you things.

My DD (13) has a male best friend, they are very close and text a lot. They are both gay. She has gone to her dad's for a week and he was telling her he'd really miss her with hearts etc. It's just innocent and I said how lovely.

His parents check his phone all the time, he'd googled transexual and they took his phone off him and went mad at him. Needless to say, I know he's gay but he doesn't feel he can tell his parents (my good friends) that he is gay. This makes me so sad as he's an amazing kid.

Trust her and if it does go wrong, be there for her.