12 year dd being called babe by 12 yr old boy and I ain’t happy

[Rosita101]

Ok, I’m just trying to get a different perspective here... checked my daughters phone and there it was.. messages from a boy in her class calling her baby. I am tempted to block him on her phone but obviously I prefer to keep the communication open with my daughter. There was lots heart emojis and promises of holding hands/hugs when lockdown is over but no kisses involved.. phew. She’s turning 13 soon and I’m worried it will turn into a proper relationship, which obviously I’m not supportive of, as I think it far too young. I’ve met the boy a few times at the school gate ( as her friend , I didn’t know they had feelings for each other), She then told me they like each other but I always say for me he’s just her “ like interest” , not a boyfriend. I’m so uncomfortable with the fact he calls her baby /my baby girl . It does not sit well with me.
Am I totally over reacting? Please be brutally honest!!

You are overreacting it’s the norm. All you can do is monitor phone/social media, advise and be there. As she enters the next stage of her life I like to think of it as you are the mother dolphin swimming just behind her as she slowly swims away from you always with you not far away.

Or more likely, what if he makes her send nudes or sext him? You lot don't understand what kids are like these days. This boy probably watches porn on a regular basis. Stop being so ignorant, this is the real world not a fairytale and there's massive pressure on girls to send nudes which the boy can then spread around

You are being completely hysterical. Yes the world has changed and porn is a huge influence on people of all ages, including, unfortunately those under 16, but you sound deranged.

We didn't call each other babe or any nicknames but we were keen messaging each other! 10p per text! 🤣🤣

My dd is the same age. Definitely an overreaction. You need to foster honesty with your dd, not go ott. I also look at my dd’s phone from time to time. She has not ever had anything untoward on it tbh. It’s more to ensure kids aren’t bullying her but she does usually tell me.

Her friends and I get on well and sometimes forget I’m there and have said smutty things in front of me and joked who has the dirtiest mind. All that means really is some children are more inquisitive about sex and in an innocent way. Not many 12 yos are sexually active or actually want to be. Even those, who’ve seen porn. That’s to sweet666.

Better to be very open with your child but at the same times teach the, to have firm boundaries about protecting themselves.

@Rosita101 You ain't happy.

LMAO.

As a few posters have said, good luck for the future with a teenage daughter. Strap up, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Overreacting but it's so tough seeing them grow up. Try and relax and keep communication open

@Ahwig I’m picturing a special book on a telephone table with a list of numerous boys names and addresses

I think your dad got it right tbh! The lies I told my overbearing parents were very scary!

I am horrified by how many mothers think this is Ok . She is 12 years old and this is inappropriate . So much about this but let's start with the term "babe" - it's sexist and demeaning . She's not 16 and yes OP will have to deal with worse in later years but possibly by developing some self worth in her daughter now it won't be as bad as many of you predict . Maybe that is where some of you went wrong .

@RantyAnty

Try not to be overbearing about it. It's normal to have little crushes at that age.

You're smart to keep an eye on things for the TikTok incidents are exactly why. Online is a dangerous place for girls/women and she needs to be prepared.

Sadly at your DD age, older boys can be quite predatory professing love and all that. They know exactly what girls want to hear. Speaking from experience here. I was 13. He was 17. Like another poster mentioned about having sex only with someone you love isn't the best idea.

You'll have to warn her that boys lie and pretend to get sex. They'll profess their undying love to get sex. You'll have to warn her about pornography and the over-sexualisation of young girls. Things are very very different these days and not in a good way.

Discussions about controlling behaviour, domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc. are necessary too. There is a lot of pressure to provide nudes these days too.
Boys brought up on porn think choking and anal are the norm.

Sadly, these things you need to be aware of these days.

Well said .

Lol over reacting. That’s what you do at that age

You haven't mentioned what your daughter replies to him?

@Mulhollandmagoo it's not a bit much though. It happens.
I said further down thread that I checked my DD's phone periodically. She's 12 too. Last week I found text messages from another 12 year old boy she knows. He hadn't sent or asked for nudes but he started off by bringing up sex in the conversation and ended up spelling out what he would like to do to her sexually. How he knew these things I don't know, DD's response wasn't to tell him it was inappropriate or to end the conversation but she seemed to be trying to laugh it off. As his conversation became more explicit I could tell that she didn't know how to respond.
You can't assume that because they're 12 and start off with emojis and babe that it can't quickly escalate into something else entirely.

Or more likely, what if he makes her send nudes or sext him? You lot don't understand what kids are like these days. This boy probably watches porn on a regular basis. Stop being so ignorant, this is the real world not a fairytale and there's massive pressure on girls to send nudes which the boy can then spread around

My god, overreaction much

My ds had a 'girlfriend' when he was 12 and it consisted of them sitting on a bench holding hands. The whole thing was extremely sweet and there were no nefarious intentions on anyone's behalf. He was just a kid, the very idea that he would go around impregnating people at 12 is laughable.

Ds1 had a girlfriend at about 6. She used to come to ours for lunch, to play and generally hang out. Fucking hussy. (Joke)

Hi Rosita,

I don't think you're overracting at all! You have simply turned to other mothers for feedback. Overreacting would have been blocking him but you didn't do this.

They are obviously playing at being boyfriend and girlfriend and the boy's copying what he's heard... It can all seem so serious to youngsters when they're that age! You didn't mention any texts from your daughter... maybe you could broach the subject of boys which might help her to share with you how she feels about him?

Maintain close mother/daughter times so she can feel she can talk to you about anything... This will put you in a great place for the future.

I am shocked by some of these responses.

Firstly the 'babe' thing - it's a horrible disrespectful term for girls and women and we need to educate our daughters what is and what isn't appropriate. If I had a son I would not be happy about him using that term.

Checking her phone - yes of course you should check your child's phone at this age. I wish more parents would - maybe there would be a lower incidence of online bullying and inappropriate messages/pictures. It is NOT the same as keeping a diary as we all did when we were young - a diary is your own private thoughts written down - your phone and SM affects others both in terms of what your child says/sends and what is received by him/her.

12 is still very young, some girls are ready to start dating, many others aren't. My dd is nearly 14 and would like a boyfriend, no-one on the horizon currently. Some of her friends have had boyfriends, some haven't because they aren't allowed to date yet. And that's ok.

Just because parents put a few boundaries in place doesn't make kids secretive or want to jump into the bushes with the nearest boy. They are growing up and working out who they are and NEED their parents to say no sometimes.

@AnnaFiveTowns

Why are you reading her messages? You sound very controlling. She's nearly 13; she's going to have boyfriends whether you like it or not.

Isn't that 'parenting' though? The very essence of parenting is to he controlling?

( confused)

@Justmuddlingalong

Ds1 had a girlfriend at about 6. She used to come to ours for lunch, to play and generally hang out. Fucking hussy. (Joke)

My first one was at about 2. We were even planning our wedding around 3. How my mother didn't have an absolute meltdown I have no idea.

Sadly, it wasn't meant to be and I think we parted ways at about 4 or 5. Oh, what could have been.

Surely now is the time to talk with your Daughter about boundaries and appropriate conversations and how to shut them down and to let her know if she feels uncomfortable to come to you.

This boy is the same age and if it’s not him there will be others. Hugs and hand holding isn’t the end of the world so long as your DD is comfortable. But now is the right time to warn her about sending photos to others and how they can be misused or end up in the wrong hands and that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. Whether that’s holding someone’s hand or even replying to a message.

@Shinyletsbebadguys

Oh dear OP you are getting a kicking but I'm afraid o agree with the general sentiment. You are overreacting.

Just a word of caution , minimising it by saying "like interest" is not a great road to go down. My DM was a master at this and anything like this it was a comment along the lines of "oh well he is a lovely friend isn't he " , now granted my Dm took it to extremes and was saying this until my twenties.

All it does is belittle your dd. I know you don't mean it like that and at 41 of course I look back to those times and laugh. At 13 and upwards though, everything is important and real and a big deal. Don't sniff at it in front of her , it's just a way of telling your dd her feelings or experiences aren't real or important and shes childish.

I do realise you don't mean it like that but your perspective is not the important one. Just relax. I'm sure you have raised your DD to be sensible and you can keep a distance eye on it. But don't invalidate it by sniffing at it being a like interest and don't panic.

Honestly if the boy is interested in higs and handhelds I don't think that's too bad.

My dm was similar and also would over react. I love her but I don't go to her for anything at all really.

Op that's what your risking.

Talk to her about him on her level and it will evaporate the panic on your side and made her feel validated.

@StepOutOfLine she calls him by his name

I think you need to chill out big time! I have DD almost 13 and what you are reading is tame. I think nowadays when kids move up to high school they tend to become teenage v quickly. There is not a huge difference in the styles, social media etc of a 12 year old and a 15 year old these days.
Some crazy stuff goes on... My DD tells me stories of what goes on with some of the kids in her school. Some are old way before their time. My DD doesn't participate in the underage drinking, parties etc but she enjoys the Tik Tok videos, make up and hanging around with her friends. I would never invade her privacy unless I felt she was in danger. But because we have an open relationship and discuss issues like sex, drugs, alcohol, peer pressure etc she tells me everything that goes on.... Even all the bad stuff amongst some classmates.
You need to trust your DD. This is very innocent at this stage. But you also need to let her grow up.

@Sweet666

Or more likely, what if he makes her send nudes or sext him? You lot don't understand what kids are like these days. This boy probably watches porn on a regular basis. Stop being so ignorant, this is the real world not a fairytale and there's massive pressure on girls to send nudes which the boy can then spread around

Well if that’s the case we’d better tell our daughters to avoid men forever!

Anyone else read the title in an essex accent and think the use of babe completely normal?

“I ain’t happy babe” sounds typical.

What if she meets someone from a different region and he calls her hun or duck? Or even pet?