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AIBU?

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Original poster

12 year dd being called babe by 12 yr old boy and I ain’t happy

216 replies

Rosita101 · 17/02/2021 10:48

Ok, I’m just trying to get a different perspective here... checked my daughters phone and there it was.. messages from a boy in her class calling her baby. I am tempted to block him on her phone but obviously I prefer to keep the communication open with my daughter. There was lots heart emojis and promises of holding hands/hugs when lockdown is over but no kisses involved.. phew. She’s turning 13 soon and I’m worried it will turn into a proper relationship, which obviously I’m not supportive of, as I think it far too young. I’ve met the boy a few times at the school gate ( as her friend , I didn’t know they had feelings for each other), She then told me they like each other but I always say for me he’s just her “ like interest” , not a boyfriend. I’m so uncomfortable with the fact he calls her baby /my baby girl . It does not sit well with me.
Am I totally over reacting? Please be brutally honest!!

OP posts:
year5teacher · 17/02/2021 12:38

@Sweet666 with all due respects, leaping from a text calling her babe to her getting pregnant by a 12 year old porn addict is quite the jump.

I do think OP should keep half an eye on it to make sure that it’s all ok, I would, but your attitude is too much.

pollylocketpickedapocket · 17/02/2021 12:38

My mum and dad forbid me from having a boyfriend at 15, nobody racked up as many notches on the bedpost as I did by 18. Don’t let that be you.

RantyAnty · 17/02/2021 12:39

Try not to be overbearing about it. It's normal to have little crushes at that age.

You're smart to keep an eye on things for the TikTok incidents are exactly why. Online is a dangerous place for girls/women and she needs to be prepared.

Sadly at your DD age, older boys can be quite predatory professing love and all that. They know exactly what girls want to hear. Speaking from experience here. I was 13. He was 17. Like another poster mentioned about having sex only with someone you love isn't the best idea.

You'll have to warn her that boys lie and pretend to get sex. They'll profess their undying love to get sex. You'll have to warn her about pornography and the over-sexualisation of young girls. Things are very very different these days and not in a good way.

Discussions about controlling behaviour, domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc. are necessary too. There is a lot of pressure to provide nudes these days too.
Boys brought up on porn think choking and anal are the norm.

Sadly, these things you need to be aware of these days.

StarCourt · 17/02/2021 12:41

@Beautiful3 but OP isn't saying her DD can't have a boyfriend at some point.
She's only asking if she's over reacting to her 12 yr old being called Babe because she's only 12

Mulhollandmagoo · 17/02/2021 12:41

@year5teacher

Aww yes you’re overreacting! I think it’s right to check her phone for now though. It’s part of keeping her safe, she’s only 12. I bet this turns into nothing though.
I completely agree with this!

But now might not be a bad time to begin having some age appropriate conversations about her boundaries with the opposite sex, about keeping herself safe and only doing what she is comfortable with and make sure you make yourself as approachable as possible so she comes to you if she's in a bind. Blocking him and making a big deal out of it will push her closer to him and she will hide things from you

Backtomyself · 17/02/2021 12:41

It’s normal. They are basically play acting.

Just keep an eye but for goodness sake don’t drive her to start being secretive about normal feelings.

thebabessavedme · 17/02/2021 12:42

I think you are overreacting to the term 'babe', itsa fairly universal term of affection, perhaps the boys df calls his dm babe?, if so it will sound very normal and affectionate to him - as to the rule about checking her phone, OH YES! she is a child and needs your protection, there are some horrible situations a child with phone could find themselves in, boy or girl.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 17/02/2021 12:44

There was lots heart emojis and promises of holding hands/hugs when lockdown is over but no kisses involved.. phew.

I'm in my fifties, but 12 year olds used to kiss their boyfriend/girlfriend back in my day, my children are in their twenties and it happened when they were that age, so I'm pretty sure 12 year olds kissing happens now, and is pretty harmless.

CuntyMcBollocks · 17/02/2021 12:45

@sweet666 You can't say that every single child around the age of 12 is a porn addicted sex fiend. I would say that most kids that age are still fairly innocent. The OP is well withing her rights to be slightly concerned, but I think its massive overreaction to want to block the boy in question as it all seems quite innocent and immature. The OP's DD is hardly going to go on a downward spiral, get pregnant etc by holding a boys hand at the age of 12 or 13 Hmm

justcannotwithyou · 17/02/2021 12:45

@Sweet666

Or more likely, what if he makes her send nudes or sext him? You lot don't understand what kids are like these days. This boy probably watches porn on a regular basis. Stop being so ignorant, this is the real world not a fairytale and there's massive pressure on girls to send nudes which the boy can then spread around
He's 12!! Why do you think this little 12 year old boy is a depraved animal just waiting for his chance to abuse(?!) her while she is nothing but an innocent little lamb being lead to slaughter here? I was 12 not THAT long ago and girls and boys were equally bloody bad. Get a grip.
year5teacher · 17/02/2021 12:46

@Mulhollandmagoo Yep! Exactly.

OP, do what this PP says. Take this as an opportunity to have that conversation. Children never just stop doing stuff because their parents ban it.. they just do it in secret, and less safely, and don’t come to you when they need you.

Mulhollandmagoo · 17/02/2021 12:46

@Sweet666

Or more likely, what if he makes her send nudes or sext him? You lot don't understand what kids are like these days. This boy probably watches porn on a regular basis. Stop being so ignorant, this is the real world not a fairytale and there's massive pressure on girls to send nudes which the boy can then spread around
I mean.....this is a bit much!
Hugoslavia · 17/02/2021 12:46

You are over reacting. That said, I loathe the term 'baby'. It implies that girls/women are delicate vulnerable little things that need a big strapping boy/man to look after them, otherwise who knows how they would survive. It's so outdated.

Fiona2020 · 17/02/2021 12:49

@pollylocketpickedapocket

My mum and dad forbid me from having a boyfriend at 15, nobody racked up as many notches on the bedpost as I did by 18. Don’t let that be you.
@pollylocketpickedapocket this! Sex was never openly discussed in my house as a child/teen therefore I found out for myself. A lot.
Bourbonbiccy · 17/02/2021 12:52

@greeneyedlulu

OMG!!! Send her to her a nunnery at once!!!

Really OP, pick your battles, if you are going to over react to something this small, she won't come to you for bigger things when she really needs you!!

This was my first thought, i completely agree.

Don't make it where she can't come to you when she really needs to.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 17/02/2021 12:52

@Sweet666

How can people say she's overreacting? She's only 12! What if she gets pregnant, then is it 'overreacting'?! She's a CHILD.
I didn't think you could get pregnant from holding hands Hmm will need to be more mindful of this in future...
Butchyrestingface · 17/02/2021 13:04

You lost me at "I ain't happy".

Chloemol · 17/02/2021 13:06

You are over reacting. You need to be careful, continue like this and she will not feel comfortable telling you anything, and you may end up driving her away

Wherewouldyoumove · 17/02/2021 13:07

Op I totally get why you find this too much! But I think it’s what 12-year-olds do. They’re trying on adulthood for size and have all these confusing hormones.

When I was 12, a boy on my street had his arm around my neck and we were sitting down on the grass outside his house. My dad went past on his way home, and went ballistic and made me go home. I had absolutely no idea why. I didn’t understand it for years - this boy wasn’t even someone I had a childhood crush on, he was just some boy I played with sometimes because we lived near each other. My dad (who is a lovely man) effectively slut-shamed me for something that wasn’t even happening / or that I was even aware of. It’s only in hindsight I understand what it was all about. And, for the rest of my teenage years (even into my 20s), I kept an almost never-ending amount of secrets from my parents because of their possible reactions - I didn’t NOT do stuff because I was afraid of their reaction, I did it anyway and hid it from them. (And I only did normal, fairly tame teenage stuff - a bit of drinking, etc.)

Be careful with how you react. You sound like a really caring mum, so I’m sure you will be.

Basilandparsleyandmint · 17/02/2021 13:14

OP I haved asked questions in the past regarding my DS who is a bit older than your DD and I got a right bashing at times from some mumsnetters for being over protective too. Some of them were down right rude.

Trouble is when it’s your first child growing up, it’s hard to not be overprotective as we are more worldly and want to protect them from any upset etc
I personally don’t think it’s wrong at all to check your daughters phone and keep an eye on her. It’s a fine balance between allowing her to grown up and being the parent. The way your dd and the boy are talking does sound pretty standard.

I am still learning to be a mum to a teenager and one that is almost 11. The most important thing I have learnt is not be outwardly judgemental even if that is what I internally feel. I want my two to trust me and feel they can come to with anything as I keep reminding them I was their age once etc

Good luck

VinylDetective · 17/02/2021 13:17

@Sweet666

How can people say she's overreacting? She's only 12! What if she gets pregnant, then is it 'overreacting'?! She's a CHILD.
How’s she going to get pregnant from being called babe in a text? It takes a bit more than that, unless human biology has changed pretty radically recently.

You’re over reacting, OP.

MyLittleOrangutan · 17/02/2021 13:19

@Sweet666

How can people say she's overreacting? She's only 12! What if she gets pregnant, then is it 'overreacting'?! She's a CHILD.
I can't tell if this is serious or not. It's a couple of young kids practising relationships by calling eachother cute names they hear their parents call eachother. Not even like he called her sugar tits is it. He's also just 12, he's not some sex crazed pervert trying to take her innocence.
Metallicalover · 17/02/2021 13:22

Overreacting sorry OP. I was once like your daughter. He is now my husband and we're 32!
Used to message all the time. Very innocent, held hands and hugged and eventually kissed. I wouldn't have spoken to my mam if she had read my messages!!
Keep communication with your daughter open discuss relationships etc don't read her messages!!!

Mysillystory · 17/02/2021 13:25

Utterly ridiculous

extentioncord · 17/02/2021 13:25

@Sweet666

How can people say she's overreacting? She's only 12! What if she gets pregnant, then is it 'overreacting'?! She's a CHILD.

Pregnant?

Have you posted on the wrong thread Confused