Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 year dd being called babe by 12 yr old boy and I ain’t happy

216 replies

Rosita101 · 17/02/2021 10:48

Ok, I’m just trying to get a different perspective here... checked my daughters phone and there it was.. messages from a boy in her class calling her baby. I am tempted to block him on her phone but obviously I prefer to keep the communication open with my daughter. There was lots heart emojis and promises of holding hands/hugs when lockdown is over but no kisses involved.. phew. She’s turning 13 soon and I’m worried it will turn into a proper relationship, which obviously I’m not supportive of, as I think it far too young. I’ve met the boy a few times at the school gate ( as her friend , I didn’t know they had feelings for each other), She then told me they like each other but I always say for me he’s just her “ like interest” , not a boyfriend. I’m so uncomfortable with the fact he calls her baby /my baby girl . It does not sit well with me.
Am I totally over reacting? Please be brutally honest!!

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 17/02/2021 11:51

I don't think it is unreasonable/an invasion of privacy to check a 12 YO phone. Especially if it has already been agreed when they were given a phone. Free access to phone and Internet without any parental supervision could get a 12 year old in all sorts of bother

Lorw · 17/02/2021 11:52

My mum was like this, very overbearing, never any privacy, very controlling (not to mention all the other horrible stuff but anyways) I hid everything from her, got more sneaky about it and probs put myself in more harms way tbh, she stopped my seeing my first boyfriend at 14. That destroyed the relationship for good and I left when I turned 18 and haven’t spoken to her since.

BeeDavis · 17/02/2021 11:53

You are massively overreacting and being completely out of order even thinking about blocking his number! Jesus christ you can’t keep her away from boys forever. It will get to a point where she will sneak off to meet boys instead of letting you know as she will already know how you feel about it. Grow the hell up 😳😳

AledsiPad · 17/02/2021 11:54

Just to warn you, OP, my Mother was this overprotective. I ended up pregnant and moved out at 17 just to get away from her.

It's a, completely normal, teen relationship. Let it go.

Icantrememebrtheartist · 17/02/2021 11:56

No I don’t think you are over reacting to feel concerned. Your daughter is almost 13 and her interest in boys is growing and there’s a lad that’ she seems to like who also seems to like her.

Don’t block him, it won’t stop her from talking to him or liking him it will just result in her being secretive about it.

I would keep an eye on how things develop and if you feel it’s needed have a chat with her.

I know three women who went on to marry their ‘school sweethearts’ as they say and started dating their husbands at the age of 13/14.

SlothMama · 17/02/2021 11:56

OP you're in for a few rough years, stop being so overprotective!

Fiona2020 · 17/02/2021 11:57

Least they are only talking about holding hands and kissing? Maybe talk to her? Do you openly talk about sex with her?
I have an 11year old SD and we are all really open about it!

My mum never talked to me about sex and if she did it was always “only with someone you love” which then resulted in my always trying to find numerous men to “love me”

herecomesthsun · 17/02/2021 11:57

My DD who was 9 on Monday, had her first kiss (a peck on the cheek, I am sure) from a young lad a couple of school years back.

It's okay, he apparently had been saying that he wants to marry her Grin.

BlueTimes · 17/02/2021 11:59

Another vote for a massive overreaction. Don’t try to control her or push her away because she won’t confide in you when needed.

cheeseybean · 17/02/2021 12:00

@MottTheHoople

Why were you even checking her phone? I hope she hides her diary! Some parents need to know when to back off.
Phones and diaries are two wildly different things. A diary doesn't give you unlimited access to the web and give you avenues which paedophiles can contact and groom you. A diary isn't capable of asking you for photos of you in a swimsuit, then moving on to various states of undress. A diary isn't somewhere school bullies can find you and torment you.

A parent of a 12/13 yo would be wildly irresponsible if they didn't sometimes check on their child's phone

FindingMeno · 17/02/2021 12:00

You are over reacting!
Keep the lines of communication open between you and her, so she always feels she can come to you and not face disapproval.

Original poster
Rosita101 · 17/02/2021 12:03

To everyone saying why I’m checking her phone ; she’s 12 and the decision making of a 12 year old isn’t the same as an adult . That was not the point of my post. When she was given a phone, it was a condition that messages would be checked, she’s aware of it from day one.

“ In a few years “, well, I’m not talking about the future , I’m taking about the present . Obviously I wouldn’t be worried if she was 15 and he called “ baby “ but at 12, I find hard to accept and glad to see I’m not alone as other people feel the same

OP posts:
LimitIsUp · 17/02/2021 12:09

Welcome to mumsnet

Original poster
Rosita101 · 17/02/2021 12:10

@cheeseybean absolutely. I do find shocking that some of her friends have a public Instagram account /TikTok and parents don’t seem to bother when their 12 year old is posing in sensual photos or making TikTok videos mimicking to songs about sucking c*cks . There was a case recently amongst my daughter’s friend group that came to light and her parents were not aware what was going on until the video got shared everywhere .
I make no excuse for monitoring social media and removing friends who place inappropriate content for their age.

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 17/02/2021 12:12

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Cutesy names and heart emojis?

Far too much at 12.

Ask him to tone it down and use the thumbs up emoji instead. The heart emoji will still be there when they are grown up.

You think OP should ask a 13 presumably year old boy to use thumbs up instead of hearts for her little girl?

You would advise this??

OP, sorry, you're being ridiculous.

RootyT00t · 17/02/2021 12:13

[quote Rosita101]**@cheeseybean* absolutely. I do find shocking that some of her friends have a public Instagram account /TikTok and parents don’t seem to bother when their 12 year old is posing in sensual photos or making TikTok videos mimicking to songs about sucking ccks . There was a case recently amongst my daughter’s friend group that came to light and her parents were not aware what was going on until the video got shared everywhere .
I make no excuse for monitoring social media and removing friends who place inappropriate content for their age.[/quote]
Good on you.

But that is very different.

Ahwig · 17/02/2021 12:14

My dad was a policeman and had to search for missing kids . He found that those kids whose parents banned them from having boyfriends/ girlfriends simply lied to their parents about who they were with and where they were going which made it tricky to know where to start looking. As a result he never stopped me having a boyfriend even at the age of 13 but there were rules, the boy had to come to the house first and write down his name and address . Obviously because I’m really old this was in the days before mobiles etc. The important thing is though I never lied to them about who I was with or where I was going but the majority of my friends did as they weren’t “allowed “ boyfriends

SansaSnark · 17/02/2021 12:23

As a secondary teacher, I think checking on phones at this age is a good thing. There are kids this age who will be very sexually suggestive, or ask for nudes etc. It's also a good idea to keep an eye out for cyberbullying etc.

But I wouldn't be concerned by any of this. It's cringy, but all sounds very innocent and normal for 12- I think it's normal for you to feel a bit strange about it, though.

I would try to be encouraging and welcoming to him when we are allowed people over again, and try to keep lines of communication open.

justcannotwithyou · 17/02/2021 12:25

Christ almighty. YABU.

Sweet666 · 17/02/2021 12:28

How can people say she's overreacting? She's only 12! What if she gets pregnant, then is it 'overreacting'?! She's a CHILD.

BungleandGeorge · 17/02/2021 12:28

She deserves privacy, there is no safety issue here. You’re totally overstepping the mark. Do you read each individual message? If you do t allow any privacy or freedom I think you’ll have the opposite effect that you want. Any behaviour you see on social media she is very likely to be seeing at school or when seeing friends.

ChampagneHead · 17/02/2021 12:28

I was sexually active at her age so be thankful it’s just cute texts Blush

No I’m not proud of it!

Sweet666 · 17/02/2021 12:30

Or more likely, what if he makes her send nudes or sext him? You lot don't understand what kids are like these days. This boy probably watches porn on a regular basis. Stop being so ignorant, this is the real world not a fairytale and there's massive pressure on girls to send nudes which the boy can then spread around

year5teacher · 17/02/2021 12:34

Aww yes you’re overreacting! I think it’s right to check her phone for now though. It’s part of keeping her safe, she’s only 12. I bet this turns into nothing though.

Beautiful3 · 17/02/2021 12:37

You're over reacting, sorry! My friend was from a religious family, who wouldn't allow her to date a boy. Most of us, were allowed as it is normal part of growing up. She was the one that lost her virginity early and was sexually promiscuous. Her stories used to make us gasp! She wanted to do it, because she wasnt allowed!!! Lesson learned.. I'm going to allow my girls partners.