12 year dd being called babe by 12 yr old boy and I ain’t happy

[Rosita101]

Ok, I’m just trying to get a different perspective here... checked my daughters phone and there it was.. messages from a boy in her class calling her baby. I am tempted to block him on her phone but obviously I prefer to keep the communication open with my daughter. There was lots heart emojis and promises of holding hands/hugs when lockdown is over but no kisses involved.. phew. She’s turning 13 soon and I’m worried it will turn into a proper relationship, which obviously I’m not supportive of, as I think it far too young. I’ve met the boy a few times at the school gate ( as her friend , I didn’t know they had feelings for each other), She then told me they like each other but I always say for me he’s just her “ like interest” , not a boyfriend. I’m so uncomfortable with the fact he calls her baby /my baby girl . It does not sit well with me.
Am I totally over reacting? Please be brutally honest!!

My eldest is the same age as your daughter and I know that it will be weird for me when I find out they have a boyfriend/girlfriend but I really hope that I don’t react how you have if the kid is the same age and their worst “crime” appears to be using cringe (in my opinion) but totally harmless names like babe/baby. Calm the fuck down.

I'd feel the same way as you OP. This is the start of a slippery slope. Next you know, there'll be kissing, sex, teen pregnancy, STIs, then probably drug abuse and stints in prison.

Do you know his parents? I'd be heading round to his house with a cheque book and asking his parents how much it will take for them to just disappear. About £50K usually does it in my experience.

Good luck

Make sure you invite him for tea when we can socialise again! He is probably a really nice kid who is also baby steps paddling in the shallow waters of relationships and not sure how these things work .

It all sounds innocent and normal.

12 is too young imo for a serious relationship. It is an appropriate age for what this is: playing at being in a relationship (texting hearts, holding hands, discussing maybe hugging). At that age it is more about bonding with friends over boys than the actual boy in my opinion (and that is healthy).

If you do anything drastic, she's not going to talk to you about any future relationships or tricky situations.

There's nothing wrong with the messages - just have a polite little chat and leave it there for now.

You need to
Lighten up a little or she will start hiding things from you ,she's almost 13 she is growing up whether your comfortable with it or not and it's all natural that they call each other babe baby girl ect

Omg get a grip

He sounds a nice lad for her to have in her life. He wants to call her Babe and hold her hand in public, not have her as his first Baby Mama by 15.

It's certainly better than 'send me pictures of your tits or I'll tell everybody you gave x a blow job for 50p' and the other sorts of messages that are all too common on girls' phones.

Your poor daughter.

Aw, how sweet, and completely normal.
You need to back off, maybe go for some parenting classes as you seem a bit out of touch with whats absolutely normal.
Why are you checking her phone and making a mountain out of a molehill? It's like reading her diary.

Yes, overreacting
I have a16 year old who has had boys interested in her since she was around 10 or 11 and she has had some “interesting “ messages over time but she usually shows me and if any go too far we discuss what action she/I should take. If you overreact they will stop telling you - last week DDs best friend (female) told her she was now a lesbian and lived her. When DD declined to dump her lovely boyfriend and become a lesbian too the friend got quite nasty. As DD feels I am unshockable (only on the outside) she had no issue talking to me about this.

I think its pretty cute, I would fully support my DS who is about the same age in something like that... its not like you indicated anything sexual or inappropriate appears to be going on.

God to be innocent enough to be excited at holding hands again lol.

I think checking a 12 year olds phone is perfectly reasonable.

God help you in a few more years

I’d probably take the opportunity to educate her on being safe as the ‘relationship’ progresses (or doesn’t) as she gets older.. A telling off will only end in her being secretive and hiding things from you.

I’d always want my child to be open and honest with me about ANYTHING and not get in danger trying to keep secrets.

I can't believe you wanted to block him. There weren't any 🍆 were there in the texts?!

I share your concern.

Yes, you're overreacting, but I do get it and where it's coming from. It's scary and hard to let your children grow up and you want to protect them!

chill woman!

[quote Rosita101]@StarCourt thank you so much for this. At least I know I’m going crazy. I also found weird messages from friends that was a good way to discuss the subject with my dd ( like you, after I calmed down)[/quote]
It’s scary, one minute it’s build a bears and Smiggle and the next minute it’s boys and push up bras and crop tops. I totally get it and nobody should give you a hard time about how you feel but it really is very normal.
I kept an eye on my DDs phone until she was about 13, I don’t see an issue with that

I think the names are pretty cringe but apart from the all seems quite PC which is pretty lucky. Many 12 year olds will be talking more than holding hands. Keep the lines of communication and trust open so you have the opportunity to help her navigate all these situations. I think you could be in for a stressful few years OP, brace yourself . Sending

Why were you even checking her phone? I hope she hides her diary! Some parents need to know when to back off.

Of course her mum should check her phone at that age.
When my 2 got phones age 11 it was on the basis that I could check it if I wanted to, if they didn’t like it they could decide not to have a phone. I don’t check DDs now but I do DSs.
Sometimes they need help but don’t know how/whether to get it. They aren’t emotionally mature enough at 12 to always make the right decision
It’s protection not an invasion of privacy as far as I am concerned

And breathe...
For your own sake you need to put this into perspective otherwise you will have completely stressed yourself out before she's 18 - he's the same age as her and they are expressing their feelings in a very gentle way

Yes, 12 is not too young for her first boyfriend if that's what this is. I bet she's over the moon. Don't rain on her parade. I had loads of crushes at this age but none of them liked me back! At least not to my knowledge. Holding hands and hugs, it all sounds very innocent.