To convert my DS's former bedroom into a dining room now they are at Uni?

[tulip68]

NC for this as outing.
My son is at uni as of September. He is only an hour away but lives in student accommodation. His former bedroom is downstairs to the back of the house, the house is quite small and we could really use that space as a family room or dining room. I think DS expects me to keep his room for him so he can visit us and his friends, ect once the rules are relaxed again. AIBU to convert the room into a dining room and say he can sleep on the sofa when he visits in future? My other DC is keen to have an extra room to eat/relax in.

University is only about 60% of the year. Bear that in mind.

YABU. Where will he go when semester finish if you've converted his room? They come back for weeks in the summer, over Christmas etc.

And this isn't outing, tens of thousands of us on here have dc at Uni.

He's signed a lease for twelve months. So far he has only been back for Xmas.

My DH never really forgave his mum for doing this to him

You don't get to stay in student accommodation after they've finished for the year though?

I wouldn’t

Wait until he finishes uni and goes to rent or buy his own place. There will be times when he wants the comfort of home, while he is transitioning into adulthood.

YABU to get rid of his bedroom when he’s only away for 35/52 of the year. Wait until he’s finished uni. He may even need to move back full time after uni for a while.

I don't think you should when he is still in full time education, unless you will turn it back into a bedroom during holidays.

Guest room/den sort of thing... Understandable.

No bed for him... Unwelcoming and mean.

This is a reverse isn’t it?

Absolutely not.

I think it's pretty mean. What if he decides uni is not for him and drops out. Will he have to spend all the Christmas and Summer holidays on the couch- remember they are longer than the school holidays. I think you have to be prepared that he probably won't want to come back and stay as often if you do that.

Could you use the room for storage instead to then create more room in the rest of the house maybe?
Generally I think when people go to uni their room shouldn’t be reserved if, for example, there is another child at home in a smaller room. But this would be getting rid of a bedroom entirely which I do think is quite different.
Or, while your DS is at uni, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to allow your other child to use it as a tv room, without properly converting it, and with the understanding that when DS is back from uni it goes back to being his room

YABU. You should wait until he’s actually properly left home; it’s not fair to just get rid of his room when he’s basically just studying away from home temporarily.

He needs his space when he's home from university.

Why does the dc still at home get to decide? Wonderful way to make your uni child feel welcome, like you couldn't wait to get rid.

I find it absolutely mad that the son wouldn’t be actively encouraging this. I had a very close relationship with my parents and sibs and still was more than happy for me to be relegated to a sofa bed. And I came home a lot the first year or so as I was very unhappy.

@tulip68

He's signed a lease for twelve months. So far he has only been back for Xmas.

To be fair, that's pretty much the only chance he's had.

Do you expect him to sleep on the sofa all summer and Easter?

I would only consider this after the end of uni if he had a graduate position. Especially given we’re in a global pandemic. It’s very unlikely he’ll go travelling in the summer, and competition for any internships going on will be fierce given the fact many were cancelled last year.

Can you afford a loft conversion? Failing that a glass extension leading into our garden is a cheaper way of adding space without needing planning permission.

Maybe ask him how he feels about it first?

When I went to uni, my mother wanted an office to start up a new business and asked me if I minded her changing the room. I said I didn't as I wanted to stay in the city I moved for uni to. I met my partner at uni and never moved back home.

@Digestive28

My DH never really forgave his mum for doing this to him

My parents sold up and moved abroad when I went to uni - I have never forgotten. They are elderly and live nearby now - I am kind but put my needs (and my children's) first.

Both my adult DC have spent periods at home since graduating - I hope to always have a bedroom in my home for them for long and short stays as required.

@lazyarse123

Why does the dc still at home get to decide? Wonderful way to make your uni child feel welcome, like you couldn't wait to get rid.

Other DC absolutely does not get to decide. I'm just taking on board everyone's thoughts regarding the matter. It seems a little silly to be eating off our laps when the room next door has been empty for the last 4/5 months. The room is small so there is no way I'd get a table and a bed in there.

This is a joke isn't it??

Of course you do NOT change his bedroom.