To convert my DS's former bedroom into a dining room now they are at Uni?

[tulip68]

NC for this as outing.
My son is at uni as of September. He is only an hour away but lives in student accommodation. His former bedroom is downstairs to the back of the house, the house is quite small and we could really use that space as a family room or dining room. I think DS expects me to keep his room for him so he can visit us and his friends, ect once the rules are relaxed again. AIBU to convert the room into a dining room and say he can sleep on the sofa when he visits in future? My other DC is keen to have an extra room to eat/relax in.

You absolutely can't do this yet
Maybe next year when he's more established. Not half way through his first year!

It comes across like you can’t wait to get rid of him. Why can’t you wait another 3 years or so? He’ll still be back for long periods of time whilst he’s studying, especially over the summer. I personally wouldn’t do it and also have one starting University in September

@BluntAndToThePoint80

I don’t see anything too unusual about a uni age person having one too many to drink with his / her mates and coming home to sleep it off. Better than them passing out in a gutter somewhere or going somewhere unsafe. Surely your house should always be his safe place. I’m not saying I’d encourage the behaviour, but that’s a separate issue from keeping my children safe first and foremost.

I do think it’s unusual however to demand your keys back and effectively kick him out for essentially coming home after a night out, even if he was a bit too drunk.

It was more the fact he'd brought someone else back. I don't want random drunk teenagers in my house during a pandemic.

I wouldn’t do this personally. I’d want my child to have a room to come home to and to still think of their ‘home’ as with me.

I understand wanting to make better use of the space but I’d probably just put up with that in the knowledge that it’s probably only going to be an issue for another couple of years until they settle into their own homes anyway.

@SirSamuelVimes

He will be back for two months in the summer.

Not necessarily. I never went home for summers, and nor did many of my friends. We had jobs, we had houses, we had friends all around us, we had a brilliant city full of fun on our doorstep. We were adults. We had no intention of going home to spend two months living with our parents again!

True! I guess she just needs to have the conversation instead of asking us.

Maybe make it clear that you still have a place for him at home if things go wrong, but if he’s not planning on coming back in summer months then you will turn it into a dining room?

So your teenage DS once showed up with a friend having had too much to drink and you took his key off him as a result? Did you shoo them back out into the night there and then?

Wow.

And now he’s gone to uni there won’t even be a bed for him when he comes home?

Poor kid (yes, he’s over 18 and technically an adult but he’s still your kid).

Don’t be surprised if he stays away.

He has moved out

That's an unusual way to look at it. My daughters rented a room near their place of study. They came home for the holidays and occasional weekends. They hadn't 'moved out'

@MissyB1

Sounds like he’s better off away from home anyway, doesn’t exactly sound like you want him around.

This. ^

Poor lad.

I would never EVER have done this to our DD.

Even now, (9 years after she left for uni,) we still have a spare bedroom for her. She has lived with her boyfriend for 6 years, but we would STILL welcome her back if she and her boyfriend split up, and she needed somewhere to go.

@tulip68 YABVVVVU! And I have to agree with other posters that it sounds like you don't like your son much...

He wasn’t a “random drunk teenager”, he was your son’s friend.

@MuttsNutts

He wasn’t a “random drunk teenager”, he was your son’s friend.

Indeed what an absolutely bizarre way of describing your sons friend.

@tulip68

Where will all his stuff go? In the bin?

No, ofcourse not. We have storage up in the attic, I am happy to store his belongings for him.

this cannot be real.

We have storage up in the attic, I am happy to store his belongings for him.

I feel sorry for him, you make him sound like an unwanted lodger

YABU

I did ask for my keys back in September after he showed up unannounced one night with a friend and they had clearly been drinking. So there are some issues there too.

Too bloody right there are some issues there too. He seems to have an uncaring mother who decided to wash her hands of him. You sound like a former colleague of mine who took all her daughter's stuff to a charity shop the weekend after she went to university, got rid of the old furniture and redecorated into a guest bedroom.

Her daughter has never been back. I can't think why, can you?

I'd put a sofa bed in there for him and a kallax unit for his stuff.

Then have a small dining table and chairs. Leaving a room lying empty when space is a premium is just silly.

This is an awful way to treat your son, OP.

If my parents had done this whilst I was at uni I would’ve been so upset. That’s his home, his uni house will never fully be ‘home’ to him and he will want to come home every once in a while. It would be horrible to come home for the holidays and have to spend weeks on the sofa with no privacy

Please don't do this, two of my DD's uni friends have had this done to them and they are so upset. They haven't even been at uni since Christmas (online lectures instead) and find themselves sleeping on sofas and living out of suitcases in a place they thought was their home. He hasn't moved out! I have plans for my DDs room when she moves out but that will probably be in about five years from now, when she has graduated and has a steady job! If he never wants to come back for more than a single night, fine, but talk to him first.

Just admit you’re kicking him out and be done with it.

Who takes their key off a kid for bringing a mate home? You have a chat if you don’t like it.

I’m sure you and your remaining DC (a DD by any chance?) will be very happy in your home without the inconvenience of your poor DS.

I wouldn’t change the room. The fact he may have accommodation for a year is irrelevant the rest he states with are likely to go home and he will be stuck there on his own!

And then he won’t feel welcome at yours either because he has to sleep on the sofa!

Leave his room as it is until after uni, then he will know if he is actually leaving, or like many has to return home

Isn’t this is home, and that his bedroom. He hasn’t moved out, he’s just studying away. It would be fine if he’d loved out, but definitely not ok if he’s just gone to uni. He will think you can’t wait to get rid of him. It looks terrible.

My other DC is keen to have an extra room to eat/relax in

I’d bet any money said DC won’t lose their room, or keys, anytime soon

He showed up drunk with a friend expecting them to both stay the night! I don't think aibu on that one.

Christ if I had a fiver every time one of my dcs rocked home drunk with friend in need of a bed/floor/sofa I'd be rich! There is NOTHING wrong with that at all!

Dc tend to come home! They are home for approx 3 weeks Christmas and Easter and from June to September - and that's without covid in the mix! We have had to buy a house twice the size we really needed so they have a home, ive got one living with me as her halls are shut