To convert my DS's former bedroom into a dining room now they are at Uni?

[tulip68]

NC for this as outing.
My son is at uni as of September. He is only an hour away but lives in student accommodation. His former bedroom is downstairs to the back of the house, the house is quite small and we could really use that space as a family room or dining room. I think DS expects me to keep his room for him so he can visit us and his friends, ect once the rules are relaxed again. AIBU to convert the room into a dining room and say he can sleep on the sofa when he visits in future? My other DC is keen to have an extra room to eat/relax in.

Do the DC at home have bedrooms? If so, can't they relax in there?

Presumably you have a sitting room already and eat in there.

Do you think your son would mind? Can he have a bed in another DC room for when he gets back?

Don't. My parents rented out my room as soon as I was gone, even though our terms were only 8 weeks long. I felt so unwelcome, kipping on the sofa, nowhere to study. I ended up not going home and staying at friends' parents' homes which I think annoyed them but I just felt I didn't have a home any more. They need a home base until uni is over and they have chosen what to do with their adult life. If they choose to do a masters, you could discuss where they plan to make their permanent home but not while they are undergraduates.

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart

I would only consider this after the end of uni if he had a graduate position. Especially given we’re in a global pandemic. It’s very unlikely he’ll go travelling in the summer, and competition for any internships going on will be fierce given the fact many were cancelled last year.

Can you afford a loft conversion? Failing that a glass extension leading into our garden is a cheaper way of adding space without needing planning permission.

It's a council house so no conversations are possible.

A good compromise would be sofa bed, TV and storage unit. That way, you are using the space (extra telly room, extra storage) but when he returns he has a base.

I don't think you should do this without discussing it with your DC first.

Where will all his stuff go? In the bin?

Are you not planning on seeing him at home over Easter? The long summer break?

Don’t, it’s really hurtful when this happens. My sister moved into my (larger) room but also kept all her crap in the smaller room so both rooms were hers and I had no space in my parents house. It was horrid and I felt really unwelcome until my sister moved out and both rooms became spare rooms.

I don't think that's the right time. What about uni holidays they can be 3 months in the summer. What if he wants to come back after Uni. Practically it makes sense, but I think it sends really unkind signals. If it's bigger than his brother's room I might swap them, maybe expect it clean enough to use as a spare room too, but too early to kick out.

Oh yes, and a desk like @Labobo says. That could be used as a home office and then as a place to study for son at university when he is home.

@SoupDragon
His lease runs until the end of August. It's a shared house. Sofa is okay are afew nights.. surely 🤔

There are lots of ways to be creative with space, even small rooms, to make them more flexible. I see your point about it sitting empty while he’s away but it still needs to be a bedroom when he’s back. And they do come back, sometimes for lengthy periods even before they graduate.

I did repurpose my Ds’ room after he’d moved out but that was well after he’d graduated and moved into a flat share. And we still had other rooms for him to stay in.

Think about how you can use the room for both purposes.

Where will all his stuff go? In the bin?

No, ofcourse not. We have storage up in the attic, I am happy to store his belongings for him.

I would have been pretty upset if my parents had done this. When you’re at uni, home is still home.

What would you do with all his stuff?

It sounds like you need te space to live. Having a place to eat diner other than your lap sounds like a legit need, not a want.

Can’t he create a little corner for himself in the attic?

I personally wouldn't.

[quote tulip68]@SoupDragon
His lease runs until the end of August. It's a shared house. Sofa is okay are afew nights.. surely 🤔[/quote]
Right, you you only want him home for a few nights.

The person you should be asking is him anyway.

I wouldn’t do that, but maybe change his room into a spare room so your other child can relax in it but he still has somewhere to sleep/visit. He can’t sleep on the sofa for the entire summer.

Couldn’t you use it for both? I folding table with folding chairs and maybe a futon chair bed to sleep on or use as a chair?

Maybe a couple of beanbags so it becomes more of a multi use room?

Have you discussed this with ds? If he’s happy to sleep on the sofa (as long as it’s comfy) and doesn’t feel pushed out.......

It's unusual for students to remain in their uni town over the holidays, even when they have accommodation there. If you're forcing him to remain there when all his housemates and friends have left for several months, it will be incredibly lonely for him.

I think there was one Easter break when I had to stay due to work and it was exceptionally boring. More than 2-3 weeks and it would have felt pretty depressing.

@tulip68

Where will all his stuff go? In the bin?

No, ofcourse not. We have storage up in the attic, I am happy to store his belongings for him.

That’s good of you.

He's an adult who has moved out into a rental property. It is not unreasonable for you to reclaim your space and make the most out of your home.

I am happy to store his belongings for him
Well that’s jolly good of you op.

We have storage up in the attic, I am happy to store his belongings for him.

That's sad. Is it not still his home?

If you do this, he may come home for a couple of nights to try it out, and you will then find that he spends his next holidays away at friends' houses etc and thereafter doesn't come back very much at all as he won't feel welcome. Particularly if your younger DS then goes offf to uni, and his bedroom remains the same.
I wouldn't do it.

My DD is also away at uni. I fully expect her home for 2 1/2 months in the summer. While at the moment I use her bedroom as an office while I WFH, I will vacate it when she returns. You have asked a question and most people have suggested against your idea, perhaps you should take the advice you asked for.

@KittensTeaAndCake

We have storage up in the attic, I am happy to store his belongings for him.

That's sad. Is it not still his home?

He has moved out.