To convert my DS's former bedroom into a dining room now they are at Uni?

[tulip68]

NC for this as outing.
My son is at uni as of September. He is only an hour away but lives in student accommodation. His former bedroom is downstairs to the back of the house, the house is quite small and we could really use that space as a family room or dining room. I think DS expects me to keep his room for him so he can visit us and his friends, ect once the rules are relaxed again. AIBU to convert the room into a dining room and say he can sleep on the sofa when he visits in future? My other DC is keen to have an extra room to eat/relax in.

It does reduce your options if you know there is no way you can return home to live again.
Harder to take a risk on further study, or a low/unpaid great opportunity. Harder to leave a dodgy relationship. Harder to get off a pathway you have doubts about and take a chance on a new one.
Its not to say its impossible to do those things, just harder.

@TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish

I left my WC home at 18 to go to uni (early 70's) - it would have NEVER occurred to me to have gone back, apart from a brief visit, from that point on. Yes, there were room constraints, two bed house with 4 DC, different ages & sexes, the youngest (twin boys) were in with my dps until they were about 6 and dsis & I had left home.

More importantly, for me it was a real right of passage - I couldn't wait - I was an adult, I'd moved to my Uni city, had friends, a life, a shared room in a house (yes we shared rooms in those days, to save money. My roommate from then is still a good friend). I got bar jobs one summer etc.

My own, middle class, DC came back after Uni but I'm not sure it was better for them, I was far more independent in my mid 20's than they were.

Very similar to you, WC background (though parents had 'risen' over the years and had a bigger house, so no space constraints). First in my family to go to uni. My parents very much saw me as having moved out, and I was basically financially independent too.

I think it is very unusual for parents to see their child going to university, as their child 'moving out'. The overwhelming majority of students under 20 see university as a boarding school style arrangement, where there family home is absolutely their 'home' still. Incidentally, I saw recently that the average age of boys to leave home(not including university) is 26(girls 23).
The only family units i have seen where the young person 'moves out' in a permanent sense and gets demoted to sleeping on the sofa, have been pretty unhappy ones, where either the young person will do anything to avoid going back to a generally unhappy home/the parents are v unwelcoming see university as the end of their involvement as a parent.
However, it is totally reasonable that you feel like it is a waste of space not using the room. It makes sense to find a way to use it, while your child is away, without making them feel they no longer have a home. A previous poster's suggestion to make the room a more neutral bedroom with a sofa bed and storage units, which can be used when your child is away, seems fair. Maybe you could have a folding table in your current sitting room?
I hope what I wrote doesn't seem harsh, it has just been my experience, both when I was at university, and now seeing this generation go.

My partners parents did this, they turner his bedroom into a craft room, they didn’t tell him, so it was a nice surprise when he arrived home. My partner went back to uni the next day as it was clear his parents believed they could abandon him when he was 18.

Oddly enough he isn’t close to them, they now realise they have cocked up and keep attempting to buy back his love, because they value money over decency.

Also if you think sleeping on the sofa for the university holidays is suitable surely you yourself are happy for the livingroom to be your bedroom?

I think it’s not fair. It would be ok if it was just a case of moving into a smaller room, but sleeping on the sofa is unfair.

I definitely wouldn’t take your other dc’s opinion into account!

I also have a dd at uni and we also have no dining room as its used as a bedroom.

Until she graduates and moves out properly then she will always have her own room in our house.

Its quite a horrible thing to do in my opinion.

Sometimes we use her room as a bit of extra space. Do goes and does his jigsaws in there or we use it as a spare bed when she's away now and again but its her room with her stuff in it and I respect that

I wouldn’t recommend doing this OP- I “moved out” for uni coming on 15 years ago and my parents house is still my “home”. Still have a room solely for my use and I know I can go back there if I ever needed to.

I “moved out” for uni coming on 15 years ago and my parents house is still my “home”.

That's all well and good if your parents have a large home. OP doesn't and an arrangement like that means a good useable (and needed) room in her home is sitting unused for most of the year.

Could the two DCs share a room when oldest is back from uni?

I would say its a really shitty thing for you to do but since you've already taken his house keys I doubt it will come as a surprise that you love him so much except you would love a dining room more.

I hope you're not anticipating a close relationship with your son into adulthood.

That is so wrong. He's your child. They do come back from uni

I would never change my child's bedroom until they were settled in their own lives in their own homes. I'd have never forgiven my mum had she have done this. It's not as simple as moving out straight from university these days. Yabu.