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Original poster

Mad about this lie

273 replies

tigertubbie · 14/02/2021 08:16

5 years ago my dh had his stag do in Amsterdam - went with about 15 mates including my younger brother. Dh was approaching his 40s, db was in his early 20s at the time.

A few weeks after, me, dh, dhs friend (went on the stag do and dhs friend's partner were having dinner together and we were asking how the stag do went, what they did etc. and the conversation of prostitution came up and whether anyone on the stag do had visited a prostitute. The guys looked sheepish so me and friend pushed them on it and dh then told me that it was my db who had visited a prostitute.

I've been pretty grossed out about this and thought less of my db ever since. He had a gf at the time and it made me subconsciously write off their relationship and think my db was a selfish person. I was just disappointed really.

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy. Somehow the topic of Amsterdam came up and I turned to db and said did you know that db2 went to a prostitute on dhs stag do? Db was like, wtf, I can't believe he would do something like that, and then dh jumped in with "oh I made that up"

Apparently it had been another married friend of theirs and he didn't want to tell me, so instead he told me it was my brother. And all these years I have thought that without him bothering to tell me the truth- even though the married friend has since split with his wife.

I had cross words with him after db and sil left and went off angry to bed. Dh says this is a total over reaction and can't see why I'm so angry. Is he unreasonable or am I?

OP posts:
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VinterKvinna · 14/02/2021 08:19

Apparently it had been another married friend of theirs and he didn't want to tell me, so instead he told me it was my brother

Oh then... you realise its most likely your dh that went with a prostitute?

Original poster
tigertubbie · 14/02/2021 08:26

Well I'm going to grill him
on that this morning.

I do find it hard to believe that he would do that with my db around and am pretty sure db would have told me. If not then I will think even less of my db than I did before and it will probably be the end of that sibling relationship too.

But even if it turns out it was this other friend - the lie itself is a pretty shitty one - to just make out like my db did something he didn't and then never tell me the truth

OP posts:
SatsumasOrClementines · 14/02/2021 08:26

I thought the same as @VinterKvinna I hope not but I’m sorry OP.

barretbonden · 14/02/2021 08:28

I simply do not believe that British men go to Amsterdam, or Prague, on stag dos, with anything other than an expectation that they will have sex with a prostitute. They sure as shit don't go there for the culture. Beer, drugs, can be had easily on British soil. It's the opportunity to make use of prostitutes without the risk of being seen or arrested, that is the only possible reason they go.

Chamomileteaplease · 14/02/2021 08:29

Yes I assumed it was your dh too.

If it was just a friend who did it, why would the first brother consider it worth taking the flack? It doesn't make sense? And for years?? Confused

Mrgrinch · 14/02/2021 08:32

Well you were stupid to allow a 'stag do' in Amsterdam. What did you think they were going to do? They most likely all did.

To be honest I wouldn't have gone ahead with a marriage to the type of person who would go on a holiday with a bunch of men with the sole mission of getting drunk/high and cheating on their spouses.

IthinkIm · 14/02/2021 08:33

I assumed your DH too. Why lie and deflect from a friend onto your brother?

HeadNorth · 14/02/2021 08:33

So your DH is a lying lier who lied about which members of the party visited prostitutes? Now why would he do that...?

Spied · 14/02/2021 08:34

In a group of 15 lads in a stag do your DH and possibly a couple of pals could easily have sloped off from the group under the guise of going back to the hotel etc.
Your db could have been too drunk to take much notice of what your DH was doing..
I'd be suspicious and sadly think it was DH.

PracticingPerson · 14/02/2021 08:34

@SatsumasOrClementines

I thought the same as *@VinterKvinna* I hope not but I’m sorry OP.
Sadly I thought this too.

But yes I would be pretty angry about lying about my brother anyway.

BigusBumus · 14/02/2021 08:36

I'd never grill anybody on what they did on a stag do it's just not worth the hassle of knowing. Perhaps that's why your DH lied as he felt
uncomfortable knowing your reaction would be disapproval regardless of who actually went with a prostitute.

How come you're sharing takeaways and drinks with another household during Lockdown btw? I assume you're in the Uk.

Applesarenice · 14/02/2021 08:36

Another vote for your DH

strawberriesontheNeva · 14/02/2021 08:36

I also assumed your dh.

Original poster
tigertubbie · 14/02/2021 08:37

My first brother doesn't know he took the flack. Dh told me I shouldn't mention it and it's not something I ever fancied talking to him about. "Hey db you cheated on your gf and went to a hooker" I never mentioned it again until last night when db2 was there and we were talking about all wanting to go to Amsterdam again, dreaming of pre Covid times.

To be fair there are loads of great things about Amsterdam aside from the red light district. There are great music concerts - everyone on the stag do also went to a concert while they were there. And if you like drugs (we did enjoy a bit back then, now not do much) the quality and setting is so much better. It's also the most obvious and cheapest destination abroad for weekend breaks from our area of the UK reachable by boat for 40 quid per person. But yes, when a group of males go it is also an obvious question to ask if anyone went to the red light district.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 14/02/2021 08:39

@barretbonden

I simply do not believe that British men go to Amsterdam, or Prague, on stag dos, with anything other than an expectation that they will have sex with a prostitute. They sure as shit don't go there for the culture. Beer, drugs, can be had easily on British soil. It's the opportunity to make use of prostitutes without the risk of being seen or arrested, that is the only possible reason they go.
My brother had his in Amsterdam because he is a Stoner and so are all the others who went. I know them all, either because related or childhood friends and they are 100% not the type of men who would pay a prostituted woman for sex. They just love getting stoned.
AlternativePerspective · 14/02/2021 08:40

If you have to ask the question as to whether any and which men on this stag do visited prostitutes then you surely knew that it was the kind of holiday where they probably all did.

Men go on holidays to Amsterdam to get high and use prostitutes. They likely all did. But you knew that, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked.

You chose to marry a man who you knew probably had used a prostitute and at the very least had deliberately gone away on a weekend where prostitutes were freely available.

IMO thinking less of your brother because of this is just you deflecting because you knew all along your DH probably went there to get laid.

Mylittlepony374 · 14/02/2021 08:40

I would be seriously pissed off at that lie. But I'd also be suspicious of your husband now.

Mamamia456 · 14/02/2021 08:41

It could have been your younger brother. Why did you not say something to him 5 years ago?

Your husband probably thought you'd forgotten about it, but the fact you mentioned it to your other brother after 5 years, your husband probably didn't want to cause a family fall out so lied and said he'd made it up.

It was 5 years ago just let it go.

AlternativePerspective · 14/02/2021 08:42

My brother had his in Amsterdam because he is a Stoner and so are all the others who went. I know them all, either because related or childhood friends and they are 100% not the type of men who would pay a prostituted woman for sex. They just love getting stoned. but given the Op asked, she clearly does believe that men on this particular do were the type to pay for sex.

CodenameVillanelle · 14/02/2021 08:43

@AlternativePerspective

My brother had his in Amsterdam because he is a Stoner and so are all the others who went. I know them all, either because related or childhood friends and they are 100% not the type of men who would pay a prostituted woman for sex. They just love getting stoned. but given the Op asked, she clearly does believe that men on this particular do were the type to pay for sex.
Yes, I was responding to the poster who said that British men only go to Amsterdam to pay for sex. Hence the quoted post above my response.
Okokokbear · 14/02/2021 08:43

I also think the chances of it actually being your husband who had sex with a prostitute are pretty high.

My oh has been on a few stag parties and I've never felt the need to grill him about what happened. Just more like was it fun did anything particularly funny happen etc. But I do trust him implicitly.

You definitely need to ask some more questions.

C152 · 14/02/2021 08:44

Sorry, OP, but why would your DH think you cared so much more about one of his mates going to see a prostitue than your own brother? Unfortunately, it sounds more like your DH is the one who saw the prostitute.

Okokokbear · 14/02/2021 08:45

Sorry also yes it's really selfish to tell you a lie about your dB that changes your perception of him.

I'd he didn't want to say so in front of people back then he could have clarified once you left.

firesidetartan · 14/02/2021 08:45

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy.

This is the thing that stands out the most in your thread OP.

Mellonsprite · 14/02/2021 08:47

I’m afraid the venue and lie also make me suspect that your DH still isn’t telling the truth 100%.

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