Mad about this lie

[tigertubbie]

5 years ago my dh had his stag do in Amsterdam - went with about 15 mates including my younger brother. Dh was approaching his 40s, db was in his early 20s at the time.

A few weeks after, me, dh, dhs friend (went on the stag do and dhs friend's partner were having dinner together and we were asking how the stag do went, what they did etc. and the conversation of prostitution came up and whether anyone on the stag do had visited a prostitute. The guys looked sheepish so me and friend pushed them on it and dh then told me that it was my db who had visited a prostitute.

I've been pretty grossed out about this and thought less of my db ever since. He had a gf at the time and it made me subconsciously write off their relationship and think my db was a selfish person. I was just disappointed really.

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy. Somehow the topic of Amsterdam came up and I turned to db and said did you know that db2 went to a prostitute on dhs stag do? Db was like, wtf, I can't believe he would do something like that, and then dh jumped in with "oh I made that up"

Apparently it had been another married friend of theirs and he didn't want to tell me, so instead he told me it was my brother. And all these years I have thought that without him bothering to tell me the truth- even though the married friend has since split with his wife.

I had cross words with him after db and sil left and went off angry to bed. Dh says this is a total over reaction and can't see why I'm so angry. Is he unreasonable or am I?

Hmm, I'm actually more convinced it was DH following your brother's messages. Feels a bit like a double-bluff

It was probably multiple men, tbf. Inc your ‘d’h. Amsterdam, really, that’s his choice?

Ask you DB if it was your DH who went to a prostitute, after telling him what DH said about him. Hopefully he will be honest, but he would clearly have no loyalty to him

But, I'm also madly paranoid. I'm also aware that this is your life, and I hope you're doing okay. It's a shitty situation to be in and I'd be upset if I found myself in it

If I were your brother I'd be fuming you were gossiping about me to our other brother after five years. Surprised he's still talking to you after your text exchange.

@Ocsetldil

I thought you could only bubble with one other adult if they or you lived alone as the only adult in the house.

No longer true, you can now also bubble if you have a child under the age of one (even if two adults in the household) or if you are the only adult in the household who doesn't require 24 hour care.

I know far more people who go to Amsterdam for the drugs than for the sex, as others have said.

But I would be VERY wary of your husband now. Even if it wasn't him, the very fact that he's the sort to think "quick, lie to cover this up for my friend" shows the kind of person he is. But it does sound very likely that it was him.

It's so sad that this has affected your relationship with your DB, but your conversation with him about it is lovely.

I'm going to be honest, they look like fake texts. What normal person would be so unbothered about being accused of something like that? And who constantly calls their siblings 'bruv/sis'?

I'm amazed at the what's app exchange. I can't imagine such a warm easy-going exchange with my brother after I tell him

1. His BIL said he'd been to a prostitute
2. I'd believed this for 5 years
3. I was gossiping about this with out other DB

🤷🏻‍♀️

However, apart from that it's pretty clear that your DH has definitely lied to you & most likely paid for sex. I'm really sorry.

Are you in the U.K. op ? Just the times on your messages to your brother are ahead of when you posted the screenshots here and as I understand you are messaging him this morning and these are not old messages ....

Sorry if I have it confused just people get waaaaay over invested on here in threads that turn out to be total bollocks

@Mrgrinch

I'm going to be honest, they look like fake texts. What normal person would be so unbothered about being accused of something like that? And who constantly calls their siblings 'bruv/sis'?

You've put it more directly than I did but I completely agree!

Amsterdam is a beautiful city! Lots to do. I don’t think prostitution is the main attraction. There are great bars, nightclubs, beer, escape rooms and drugs (if you are so inclined).

I think everyone is a bit quick to assume the husband slept with a prostitute. He was mean to say it was the brother but that doesn’t automatically mean it was him.

Jeez pick up the phone and speak to your brother!!

@Mrgrinch

I'm going to be honest, they look like fake texts. What normal person would be so unbothered about being accused of something like that? And who constantly calls their siblings 'bruv/sis'?

Yep. And everything is explicated like it’s written for outside observers, with no sign of the context of an existing relationship.

people get waaaaay over invested on here in threads that turn out to be total bollocks

Absolutely, and it seems to be a real thing at the moment. Lockdown boredom I guess!

@EarringsandLipstick we must have great minds. I definitely agree.

I would have been surprised if it was your brother - a young guy in his early 20s with a girlfriend was probably getting tons of sex already and just there for the drink and brownies.

Unfortunately it's likely to be your DH and probably several of his friends. I know not all guys go to Amsterdam for prostitutes but a lot do. I'll never forget a group of blokes from my office going on a stag several years back - all (formerly) respectable guys, married and most with young children - boasting about having three nights of freedom and calling it a Chuggington Vag Quest. Quite shocking and disgusting.

The time stamps on those texts are way off, compared with the time you've posted. You sent those just now? 🤔

Yeah I am really close to both my brothers. I hadn't raised the prostitute issue because I guess that was the boundary of our closeness - usually our sex lives are off limit topics unless it's in a completely joking way. After a few gins it kind of just slipped out, Amsterdam DB is quite well off but a bit stingy and is deliberating over whether to buy a new console, so it just popped up in my tipsiness.
It's hard to understand if you don't have a sibling relationship like this, but we are a banter kind of family so it's quite common for two of us to get together and joke about the other one without the other person getting super offended. At the end of the day we wouldn't deliberately hurt each other with malicious backstabbing.
I was always struggling with the idea Amsterdam Db this this really weird and sneaky thing - like he said he probably wouldn't have kept it a secret if he had but the fact he would just abandon the group to do something weird like that never sat right with me

I thought you could only bubble with one other adult if they or you lived alone as the only adult in the house.

Then your understanding of the rules is very much out of date. One couple may have a baby / child who was under 1 in December last year. One may have a disabled child under 5. Perhaps you should read the rules before making incorrect statements.

people get waaaaay over invested on here in threads that turn out to be total bollocks

of course it's total bollocks, but it's one of the funniest threads I have read all week

The "being stupid" thread is not that funny (close though)

Five years ago. You won't get the truth let it go

If you don't trust the thread, don't invest in it. My phone is set to European time and yes there is a long and boring back story to that too. I have mentioned these reasons on previous threads but nc for this.
Always forget why I shouldn't bother posting here anymore. You've got a real problem and you get questioned on Covid or accused of trolling.
Thanks to everyone who gave genuine input. Dh is up and swanning around like nothin is wrong, accusing me of breaking the bro code for asking him in the first place