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Original poster

Mad about this lie

273 replies

tigertubbie · 14/02/2021 08:16

5 years ago my dh had his stag do in Amsterdam - went with about 15 mates including my younger brother. Dh was approaching his 40s, db was in his early 20s at the time.

A few weeks after, me, dh, dhs friend (went on the stag do and dhs friend's partner were having dinner together and we were asking how the stag do went, what they did etc. and the conversation of prostitution came up and whether anyone on the stag do had visited a prostitute. The guys looked sheepish so me and friend pushed them on it and dh then told me that it was my db who had visited a prostitute.

I've been pretty grossed out about this and thought less of my db ever since. He had a gf at the time and it made me subconsciously write off their relationship and think my db was a selfish person. I was just disappointed really.

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy. Somehow the topic of Amsterdam came up and I turned to db and said did you know that db2 went to a prostitute on dhs stag do? Db was like, wtf, I can't believe he would do something like that, and then dh jumped in with "oh I made that up"

Apparently it had been another married friend of theirs and he didn't want to tell me, so instead he told me it was my brother. And all these years I have thought that without him bothering to tell me the truth- even though the married friend has since split with his wife.

I had cross words with him after db and sil left and went off angry to bed. Dh says this is a total over reaction and can't see why I'm so angry. Is he unreasonable or am I?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/02/2021 08:47

Well it's also possible your DB did it, but your dh lied now because you told the other db to save first db's face after he and mate told you 5 years ago when they weren't supposed to... Iyswim

Playnoh · 14/02/2021 08:48

I’d be livid he made me think badly of my brother. Livid. I’d also think it was your DH who did it.

Splann · 14/02/2021 08:48

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy

I know it’s not the point of the thread but god I’m green with envy that you live somewhere where you can do this atm Envy

ooohbriefcase · 14/02/2021 08:55

"Well you were stupid to allow a 'stag do' in Amsterdam. What did you think they were going to do? They most likely all did."

Not all men are interested in prostitutes. I find it hard to believe all 15 of them did. I'm confident my dp or db wouldn't use a prostitute.
BUT in this case yes. The op's husband is clearly one that did.

Sorry op. I think your husband was probably the one that used to the prostitute. And he's tried to pin it on your brother in hope you wouldn't bring it up with him or family members. You did and he panicked. "Oh oh no I made that up it was a married friend" Riiiiiggght. Hmm

Think about it. What's worse? Your husbands married friend that's not really your problem using a prostitute, or your brother? Your brother was the scapegoat for his actions because you're not likely to bring it up to your brother because it's not really your business.

AfterSchoolWorry · 14/02/2021 08:55

I feel bad for your poor younger brother. Why were you blabbing his private business to the other brother? And even worse he hadn't even done it anyway.

And cross examining your husband too? He's lied through his teeth and stirred up a load of shit, just to cover his own arse I suspect.

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. I'd get yourself an STI screen too.

Newfor2021 · 14/02/2021 08:57

@firesidetartan

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy.

This is the thing that stands out the most in your thread OP.

Really??? FFS do we have Covid police troll hunters on here now too?! You’re being ridiculous. Mind your own business!
Original poster
tigertubbie · 14/02/2021 09:08

Anyone worried about breaking regulations can relax - there is a reason why I am allowed to be bubbled with my db and sil but it's a red herring not relevant to this thread. Side story with boring details. Sorry for everyone in isolation right nowDaffodil

Not marrying someone because they chose to have their stag do in Amsterdam is a bit extreme though. 15 guys went and I can say for the majority of them that they are nice family men who were genuinely looking forward to going on a low cost holiday, spending the night with their mates on a ferry, a night in Amsterdam on a canal boat, eating a special brownie, going to a music concert, and having a few beers, getting back in time to go to work on the Tuesday.

The reason we asked about the red light district was kind of in humor. Like ahhh did anyone go - there were a couple of young bachelor types who were there who we thought might have left the group and misbehaved.

The way I see it, there could be multiple possible answers I will discover this morning

  • it was my dh, in which case it's going to be the worst morning of his life
  • it was the friend who was there when I originally asked. His long term gf was present so if it was him, he was hardly going to admit it there and then, so they quickly mentioned it was my db as a cover story
  • it was the other friend who I really don't care about (most unlikely because I wouldn't have really cared at the time anyway, i hardly knew him)
  • it was my brother and he just wanted to save face last night in front of my other brother (best case scenario because then I just am back where I started)

Dh is still in bed, probably mulling over which story is going to get him in the least trouble while nursing a hangover

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 14/02/2021 09:09

I think it's quite unfair that your brother is being thought of as going with prostitutes / gossiped and probably lied about without being able to put his side across.

But DH is being shady I would assume a stag on their stag do in Amsterdam would get up to something in the red light district, not doing so would be the exception. They're not all there for the weed or bicycling.

mrsbitaly · 14/02/2021 09:09

Look I really don't feel its fair for people to be accusing your husband of sleeping with a prostitute, no one knows him. What I can say like many others that most stags to Amsterdam will involve watching naked woman in windows possibly smoking weed etc. My husband did it when he went for his bday I knew in advance not that I appreciate woman being ogled over by leering men but I knew that was why they chose Amsterdam. Your husband shouldn't have lied, it sounds like he was covering for the boys which isn't very grown up.
You may never know the real truth it could really ruin your relationship if you let it fester. Just ask him outright if he slept with anyone whilst away. You'll know if he's telling the truth.

Aprilx · 14/02/2021 09:12

It makes no sense that your DH would tell you it was your brother rather than another friend, because obviously this is going to be more disturbing to hear about your brother than one of his friends.

So I would say it either was your brother, or it was your DH.

diddl · 14/02/2021 09:13

Your husband told a disgusting lie!

So you have spent years thinking less of your brother because of something that he might not have done!

However if it was your husband, you'll be pissed off with your brother for not saying anything!

He can't win, can he?

The only one responsible for what your husband did or didn't do is him!

Howshouldibehave · 14/02/2021 09:13

It sounds like your DH had sex with a prostitute, everyone knows but they thought it would be better/easier/funny to tell you that it was your DB instead. Your DH is going to lie about this.

DoctorHildegardLanstrom · 14/02/2021 09:16

If I was your brother I would be really pissed off, first of that I was lied about, second you didn't tell me and have probably been off with me ever since. Thirdly, that you decided to gossip about me to my brother, with the view in mind that he should think worse of me without actually finding out the truth.

In this case everyone is an arsehole and you are all being unreasonable

Mrgrinch · 14/02/2021 09:17

Not marrying someone because they chose to have their stag do in Amsterdam is a bit extreme though. 15 guys went and I can say for the majority of them that they are nice family men who were genuinely looking forward to going on a low cost holiday, spending the night with their mates on a ferry, a night in Amsterdam on a canal boat, eating a special brownie, going to a music concert, and having a few beers, getting back in time to go to work on the Tuesday.

I'm sorry but you'd be a fool to believe that.

ooohbriefcase · 14/02/2021 09:17

@DoctorHildegardLanstrom

"In this case everyone is an arsehole and you are all being unreasonable"

True.

HackAttack · 14/02/2021 09:20

Wow you are an utter cow using your brother for a bit of salacious gossip. Perhaps you and your husband deserve each other as you both sound horrible.

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/02/2021 09:20

I would also assume your DH, why lie otherwise?

SteveBrexit · 14/02/2021 09:21

Well you were stupid to allow a 'stag do' in Amsterdam. What did you think they were going to do? They most likely all did.

good grief

JustLyra · 14/02/2021 09:22

My first brother doesn't know he took the flack. Dh told me I shouldn't mention it and it's not something I ever fancied talking to him about. "Hey db you cheated on your gf and went to a hooker" I never mentioned it again until last night when db2 was there and we were talking about all wanting to go to Amsterdam again, dreaming of pre Covid times.

So your DH told you a lie that meant you didn't ask your brother about the stag do... That could be highly convenient if your DH sloped off at some point, or your brother crashed out early.

I'd be suspicious as fuck about that. He deliberately told you a lie that impacted your relationship with your brother (he must have known your opinions on prostitution) and never bothered to correct it in years.

krankykittykat · 14/02/2021 09:23

Why after 5 years did you feel the need to tell your other brother anything about it?

SteveBrexit · 14/02/2021 09:24

This thread is ridiculous.

The jealous bitter and judgemental girl-friend or wife who cut off their own brother Hmm

the group of men who cannot possibly do anything else than having sex with prostitutes

Can we get any more cliches in one thread please?

SeasonFinale · 14/02/2021 09:25

I am staggered at the amount of people who assume that a stag trip to Amsterdam and one poster even said Prague obviously ends up with prostitutes.

In many cases it is cheaper to have a weekend there than in a city here as the hotels, food as drink are merely cheaper

hannayeah · 14/02/2021 09:25

I think it’s really really shitty that you repeated second hand gossip about one brother to another and his wife.

You said this made you look at your brother differently. Now you’ve but a blight on his reputation with something that you don’t even know is a fact.

Your husband sounds dodgy to me. If he lied to you and caused you to think something wretched about your own brother for 5 years to cover up for himself or someone else he’s awful. Even if it’s true he’s awful for telling you. He took your much younger DB to a place where shady stuff happens then ratted him out for it. God, your all a mess.

Knotmyname · 14/02/2021 09:25

Sorry but this does sound very much like playground tattle, grilling people for gossip then spreading it round.
However, like many others I also assumed it was your husband, and the fact he's happily lied about it reinforces that a little. I don't think you'll get the truth out of him at this point, and if it was something that had bothered me for so long (and he still wasn't being honest), I'd be looking at how bad the trust issues were, as it's not good for either of you to have this distrust going on for so long, regardless of who is to blame.

Sheleg · 14/02/2021 09:26

What sad, grubby little excuses for men.

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