Mad about this lie

[tigertubbie]

5 years ago my dh had his stag do in Amsterdam - went with about 15 mates including my younger brother. Dh was approaching his 40s, db was in his early 20s at the time.

A few weeks after, me, dh, dhs friend (went on the stag do and dhs friend's partner were having dinner together and we were asking how the stag do went, what they did etc. and the conversation of prostitution came up and whether anyone on the stag do had visited a prostitute. The guys looked sheepish so me and friend pushed them on it and dh then told me that it was my db who had visited a prostitute.

I've been pretty grossed out about this and thought less of my db ever since. He had a gf at the time and it made me subconsciously write off their relationship and think my db was a selfish person. I was just disappointed really.

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy. Somehow the topic of Amsterdam came up and I turned to db and said did you know that db2 went to a prostitute on dhs stag do? Db was like, wtf, I can't believe he would do something like that, and then dh jumped in with "oh I made that up"

Apparently it had been another married friend of theirs and he didn't want to tell me, so instead he told me it was my brother. And all these years I have thought that without him bothering to tell me the truth- even though the married friend has since split with his wife.

I had cross words with him after db and sil left and went off angry to bed. Dh says this is a total over reaction and can't see why I'm so angry. Is he unreasonable or am I?

"Oh for goodness sake @DavidsSchitt

Probably because you're calling her a liar

I have done no such thing. If you read (can you?) I reported that I'd had confirmation from MN they were happy with this thread / poster."

I didn't need confirmation from MN because I didn't suspect she needed "checking out". You still can't believe anyone might text their brother asking if he'd visited a prostitute.

@Pissoff2020

Not everyone on a stag do abroad cheats some women have really low opinions of men in general. If you don’t trust your OH to go on holiday with mates then what’s the point in having a relationship?? That’s meant for some of the other posters BTW, in OPs situation it does sound dodgy and as if the husband is the one who slept with a prostitute. Yes some blokes do but to say that all 15 of them probably did is ott.

I actually think women think better of men than they deserve.

These are the things men like watching on pornhub - women being assaulted and abused, humiliated and hurt.

Having sex with prostitutes is only a small part of the disdain most men feel for women.

I didn't need confirmation from MN because I didn't suspect she needed "checking out".

MN advises that if we have doubts, to report them. So I did. They confirmed that they were happy & I acknowledged this.

Just because you didn't need that confirmation, doesn't mean others didn't. (People were still saying troll which is why I let them know what MN said)

You still can't believe anyone might text their brother asking if he'd visited a prostitute.

I do find that odd yes. That's called 'having an opinion'. And shock, horror, MN us made up of lots of people with lots of differing views. And that's ok.

Saying that doesn't mean I think OP is a liar, nor have I said so.

@Nomorepies

Another one here thinking the WhatsApp looks off... Guess everyone has a different kind of relationship but do people really address each other as 'Bruv' and 'sis'

Yes...my brother does this (I hate it actually and I don't do it back, but he ALWAYS addresses me in texts as 'Sis' 🤦‍♀️). My cousin does it too...Hi Cus! Not even Cous,,,which would still be awful but half spelt correctly 😂 I can feel my blood pressure rising as I'm reading the messages 😱

It's now the friend from the dinner party who is apparently to blame.

That makes no sense in the wider context.

^I actually think women think better of men than they deserve.

These are the things men like watching on pornhub - women being assaulted and abused, humiliated and hurt.

Having sex with prostitutes is only a small part of the disdain most men feel for women.^

I think porn is ethically dubious and exploitative, and needs to be much more tightly controlled. But this is fake news. A quick google suggests that the most searched-for terms are very different:

cs.phncdn.com/insights-static/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/1-pornhub-insights-2019-year-review-most-searched-terms.png

Did I say those were the most searched for terms @thedancingbear? I don't believe I did. The screenshot is clearly labelled 'number of videos per category'

@Clymene

Did I say those were the most searched for terms *@thedancingbear*? I don't believe I did. The screenshot is clearly labelled 'number of videos per category'

You accompanied it with a message that read:

These are the things men like watching on pornhub - women being assaulted and abused, humiliated and hurt.

Clearly, there is some demand for this kind of content. But it seems like the men who look at this stuff are in a definite minority. The evidence suggests this stuff isn't mainstream. I would have it banned, personally. I think lots of men would agree with that.

As I say, I think there are big problems with pornography, but painting the large majority of men as being into violence, strangulation and worse ain't going to fix anything. Not least because most people recognise it's bullshit.

It does sound as if it was DH.

However im going against the grain here - whether it was your brother, a friend , another guy, I'm not sure it's any of your business or that anyone has to tell you (unless of course it's your DH)

Your mistake is making a distinction between good porn and bad porn. It's all exploitative and contributes to an othering of women.

I can’t get past the comment you made ‘I’m locked in with this toad’ about your own husband?

This thread has been seriously derailed.

OP, sounds like you are completely fed up with your husband and I don't blame you. I would end a relationship over a lie like that. Hope you can find happiness.

@RootyT00t

It does sound as if it was DH.

However im going against the grain here - whether it was your brother, a friend , another guy, I'm not sure it's any of your business or that anyone has to tell you (unless of course it's your DH)

I think he certainly does owe her a satisfying explanation now he has admitted to choosing to lie to her all these years.

I don't disagree now Sofa, given the appalling way he's gone on.

But at the time I mean.

Has the op quit as she's realised its her husband?

@barretbonden

I simply do not believe that British men go to Amsterdam, or Prague, on stag dos, with anything other than an expectation that they will have sex with a prostitute. They sure as shit don't go there for the culture. Beer, drugs, can be had easily on British soil. It's the opportunity to make use of prostitutes without the risk of being seen or arrested, that is the only possible reason they go.

Absolute shit.

*I don't disagree now Sofa, given the appalling way he's gone on.

But at the time I mean.*

Yeah, that's what makes his decision so odd. He could have so easily said that none of them slept with a prostitute, he must have panicked to have made up such an unnecessary lie, which makes him look far more suspicious.

@aSofaNearYou

*I don't disagree now Sofa, given the appalling way he's gone on.

But at the time I mean.*

Yeah, that's what makes his decision so odd. He could have so easily said that none of them slept with a prostitute, he must have panicked to have made up such an unnecessary lie, which makes him look far more suspicious.

Yep, or never mentioned it.

It's all very odd now.

Has ANYONE even read the original post?!?
OP I can see why your husband lied if you and your friend wouldn’t shut up until he gave you the name of someone who had slept with a prostitue. If your friend was a gossip then any other name your husband gave would be at risk of having it revealed so he was forced to say the one person that your friend wouldn’t badmouth - your DB! And he presumably forgot to correct you until this happened.
He’s not blameless but I can see why. Lied . Equally it’s your fault for having forced his hand as if someone else on the stag do slept with a prostitue it’s no business of yours.

I think bachelor parties in Amsterdam are grim and a massive red flag.

Another red flag is that your DH has lied and covered up for a cheating, married man who used a prostitute, throwing your DB under the bus in the meantime. This speaks volumes about the type of man your DH is.

You are right to be very upset and I think you have a problem on your hands OP. I'm sure you are already thinking your DH visited a prostitute too, I think it's time to find out.

@WhoStoleMyCheese

Toad husband, is that you?

@tigertubbie just someone who’s seen similar things happen because one person wouldn’t stop badgering and a known gossip was in the room. The difference was that it was all corrected as soon as gossip left.
WHY didn’t your DH say the name of anyone else apart from your DB? If you’re sure that he didn’t sleep with a prostitue then what I have said is the only reason. Otherwise it doesn’t make sense.
This falls apart if you’ve talked to him about it again between the time you first asked and this incident and he STULL failed to correct you!
At the end of the day you should know your DH character. You have said he is not a saint. If your gut tells you that your DH did it then act accordingly no matter what he tells you.