Mad about this lie

[tigertubbie]

5 years ago my dh had his stag do in Amsterdam - went with about 15 mates including my younger brother. Dh was approaching his 40s, db was in his early 20s at the time.

A few weeks after, me, dh, dhs friend (went on the stag do and dhs friend's partner were having dinner together and we were asking how the stag do went, what they did etc. and the conversation of prostitution came up and whether anyone on the stag do had visited a prostitute. The guys looked sheepish so me and friend pushed them on it and dh then told me that it was my db who had visited a prostitute.

I've been pretty grossed out about this and thought less of my db ever since. He had a gf at the time and it made me subconsciously write off their relationship and think my db was a selfish person. I was just disappointed really.

Last night we were having a takeaway and drinks with my other db and his wife and were all pretty tipsy. Somehow the topic of Amsterdam came up and I turned to db and said did you know that db2 went to a prostitute on dhs stag do? Db was like, wtf, I can't believe he would do something like that, and then dh jumped in with "oh I made that up"

Apparently it had been another married friend of theirs and he didn't want to tell me, so instead he told me it was my brother. And all these years I have thought that without him bothering to tell me the truth- even though the married friend has since split with his wife.

I had cross words with him after db and sil left and went off angry to bed. Dh says this is a total over reaction and can't see why I'm so angry. Is he unreasonable or am I?

You’re. Crap.

@Newfor2021

Really??? FFS do we have Covid police troll hunters on here now too?!

COVID police troll hunter

What even is that?

I'm not hunting trolls? I commented that the takeaways and drinks stood out the most. I commented that because it did stand out.

You’re being ridiculous. Mind your own business!

It's actually everyone's business. Our lives have been taken away for months now. Of course it's my business. You are either too naive to realise or just ignoring the facts to have a pop at me, which serves no real purpose here. So, on the subject of being ridiculous...

"am pretty sure db would have told me"

Well you didn't tell him what you knew and then you told your other brother all about it for a laugh. You haven't got his back so why would he have yours?!

Why would you think you can get the truth out of him when you know your husband will be mulling over which version to give you? You know he's a liar.

My friends husband did the same with a stag do in Glasgow - lots of stories about who did what. 8 years later turned out it was all him. I'd put money on the same being true here

By the way, pretty sure you’re husband is concerned that your other brother is going to tell the one he said this about. Therefore he told you it was a lie out of fear the truth is going to come out now.

1. if your husband lied, then what an absolutely horrible thing to do

2. if it was your brother who paid for a prostitute, then you had no business spreading gossip to other family members. Shame on you.

15 men go to Amsterdam.
One of them buys sex with a prostitute.
Under pressure to point the finger at someone other than the real culprit, himself and the friend present, your husband has a choice of 12 men to lie about.
He chooses your brother.

So you’re telling me that not one of the other 12 was someone who was single, or someone you didn’t know as well?

He chose your very own brother, who had a girlfriend. The only person of the 14 (excluding him) where the lie might cause serious repercussions for you OP, in its impact on that relationship.

ABSOLUTE FUCKING BULLSHIT

I’m not going to weigh in on whether it was your husband, but I’m telling you now... if he was going to falsely accuse someone, it wouldn’t have been your own brother. So yes, I think your brother fucked a prostitute, and I very much doubt he was the only one - not all men on an Amsterdam stag do, do it - but it doesn’t happen in isolation. Some of the party do, some don’t want to - but are condoned by the others.

So yes, I think your brother did. And I’m sure he wasn’t the only one.

I thought you could only bubble with one other adult if they or you lived alone as the only adult in the house.

The best way to find the truth is to tell brother number one in front of his girlfriend (assuming they are still together).

Hi bro 1 and girlfriend. I was spreading shit about you to bro 2 and his wife last night, telling them you'd paid for sex with prostitutes in Amsterdam. Anyway, turns out that DH and his mates have been using you as some kind of cover for 5 years. That's why I've not been the same with you and I haven't taken your relationship seriously. What really happened?

If 15 of them went why would they blame your brother of all of the people they could have chosen... surely there was someone more obscure?!

I suspect many of them did and probably both your husband and the blokes present at the time of the lies were among them.

It comes down to the fact that he told a lie. He then told you something else to cover for the lie, which was likely another lie. How many lies do you want to hear?

I am staggered at the amount of people who assume that a stag trip to Amsterdam and one poster even said Prague obviously ends up with prostitutes.

don't be, it's MN 😂

And if you raise an eyebrow about the nonsense and bitterness, you'll be accused of being a "cool wife"!

@Ocsetldil

I thought you could only bubble with one other adult if they or you lived alone as the only adult in the house.

Don't worry, the OP has a 'reason'.

You believed his other lie for a long time without any doubt. By all means ask him, but how will you know if he is telling the truth?

In my experience, men on this type of trip don't sneak off and misbehave if you put it. They are fairly open about it and definitely don't go by themselves, they tend to go in smaller groups and egg each other on about it. That's what stood out for me in your OP, that it is highly unlikely that just one man out of 15 used a prostitute and from 14 other men who were away from home and drunk on a stag do, no one else joined him. I just doubt that's realistic

I don’t see why it necessarily has to be one person. Maybe a few people did it. If I was you, this far down the line, I would rather not know.

Well you were stupid to allow a 'stag do' in Amsterdam

Wow! What do you mean by ‘allow’?

If you meant ‘accept’ as in a level of naivety then, maybe. But, allow implies there’s blame on the wife. No, no and no.

I think she's in a 'drinks and takeaway' bubble.

Well whatever happened you do know one thing for a fact- your husband is a liar.

@user1493494961

I think she's in a 'drinks and takeaway' bubble.

😂

brilliant!

@Gatehouse77

Well you were stupid to allow a 'stag do' in Amsterdam

Wow! What do you mean by ‘allow’?

If you meant ‘accept’ as in a level of naivety then, maybe. But, allow implies there’s blame on the wife. No, no and no.

I mean if my fiance came to me and said that he and a group of 15 planned to go on a stag do to Amsterdam, I'd have said i don't want him to go. If we went anyway I'd have cancelled the wedding.

OP, what does it have to with you that your adult brother might have visited a prostitute in Amsterdam? Also how did it occur to you to raise it with your other brother?

@Ocsetldil

I thought you could only bubble with one other adult if they or you lived alone as the only adult in the house.

Have you heard of google?

OP is breaking Covid lockdown and lying about it. Not every tourist in Amsterdam is having sex with a prostitute.

Oh dear, think your DH got caught out.

That's pretty bloody grim, tbh.

Very fishy.

OP might have a baby that’s under 1.