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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

499 replies

luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 16:47

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable. Sad

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 12/02/2021 16:49

I get you. My baby is 3 months and I’m trying to home school my older child and I can’t even go to Cafe Nero or soft play.

Chloemol · 12/02/2021 16:50

Why do you stay with the baby, put him down, then go and talk to your husband

Whirlwind14 · 12/02/2021 16:50

Oh I really feel for youFlowers
This isn’t what maternity leave should be like and it’s time robbed.
My second was 6 months when this all started and I’m so saddened to think how different her first 18months have been compared to my first. But at least I had the first time to make all those connections.
It really is a lonely place for a first time mum. Hopefully the end is in sight and you’ll be able to get back to swimming, baby sensory/toddler sense and lots of groups.

JumperooSue · 12/02/2021 16:51

How old is your baby? Could you get a video monitor and put the baby down and the the go downstairs for the evening?

Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 16:51

I think it’s like this for a lot of people? I’m a single parent so zero adult interaction at all.

Merryoldgoat · 12/02/2021 16:52

Sorry - I don’t quite understand? Do you put the baby to sleep and stay all night?

snowy0wl · 12/02/2021 16:53

@Chloemol

Why do you stay with the baby, put him down, then go and talk to your husband
Presumably because her DH is working and hasn’t got time to chat?
Oldat40 · 12/02/2021 16:53

I feel you OP. I have an 8 month-old, a 10 yo and a 13 yo. I'm 40 but if I'd have known about this pandemic I would definitely have waited before ttc. My mat leave has been crap and I will never get to do it again. It's lonely and tedious.

poppycat10 · 12/02/2021 16:54

I go out for a weekly walk with a friend with a young baby and she meets with another friend (who also has a baby) once a week too. She is also forming a support bubble with her sister so she can spend time with her.

Are there friends/relatives you can see outside?

As for the evening, put the baby down to sleep and go downstairs again. He might grizzle a bit but he'll go to sleep if he's tired. Also your DH should share the putting him to bed duties so you can have time to yourself in the evening if you are not happy leaving the baby.

poppycat10 · 12/02/2021 16:54

Presumably because her DH is working and hasn’t got time to chat he finishes work around 6, it sounded more like the OP won't leave the baby.

snowy0wl · 12/02/2021 16:54

Sorry, I missed the bit where the OP said she has to stay with her baby in the evenings.

DisgruntledPelican · 12/02/2021 16:55
Flowers

YANBU at all. It’s been so difficult. How old is your baby? If v young then could you and DH spend time together in the evening and still keep baby close by? I get that not everyone is comfortable leaving them to sleep in a room with a monitor, but I started to do that from about three months because I felt the same as you (and if they get into a bit more of a routine, you might be less tired and not wanting to go to bed so early!). Your needs matter too, and spending some time relaxing as a couple is really important.

iolaus · 12/02/2021 16:55

Why are you putting the baby to bed at 7 and staying up there?

HighSpecWhistle · 12/02/2021 16:55

Tbh having a baby is hard whether it's lockdown or not. It's often lonely and boring.

Did you know you can have a support bubble with a baby under 1? I would recommend finding someone you can meet up with even if it's just a few hours a week.

Chocolatefordinner · 12/02/2021 16:55

I feel your pain, the days are long and there are no plans to be made.

We have a 4 month old, how old is your baby?

Is your partner free at weekends? Even though I’m on maternity we try our best to still make weekends different, one of us cooks a special meal on a Saturday night and we all go for a walk as a family.

Onedropbeat · 12/02/2021 16:59

8 month old baby here too.
It’s been rubbish.

C section in hospital alone, husband who is out of the house all day, and friends all work during the day so no chance to FaceTime during nap times.

My baby hasn’t been weighed since sign off at 10 days old and has only had 2 sets of vaccinations out of the 3 she should have had by 16 weeks due to timing of additional restrictions and being in a hard hit area

It’s my last maternity leave and I’ve not even needed the changing bag this time around as we’ve not been out long enough to ever need to change a nappy

I haven’t even used the pram this time around

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/02/2021 17:05

Have a friend who complains at every opportunity how hard it is to have a baby right now but conceived when covid was known about but decided to go ahead anyway but that fact seems to have slipped her mind.

Maternity leave is for bonding with baby and having time to spend with them. Wrap up warm and go for a walk, take advantage of naps and do something you enjoy and get a better evening routine.

Oldat40 · 12/02/2021 17:09

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss Not sure how old the OP's baby is, but quite a number of us were pregnant before anybody knew about Covid.

judgingcat · 12/02/2021 17:12

Why are you staying upstairs with baby? Confused that's where your going wrong.

Nemostripes · 12/02/2021 17:13

I am in the exact same boat, OP, and it's bloody hard. My LO is 8 months old now, and DP is gone 6am-6pm.

My mum is terminally ill and doesn't have long left, and other family either aren't local or are in different bubbles.

At the weekend, DP takes the full lead on parenting to give me a bit of a break, which helps. LO is in a good routine now in terms of naps and feeds, which also helps me structure my day.

Aside from that, I have nothing but solidarity.

WowStarsWow · 12/02/2021 17:14

OP says she couldn't have foreseen it, so she must have got pregnant before Jan-Feb last year, which means her baby must be approaching 6 months i.e. the age at which they can be left to sleep alone? If that's the case, hopefully it's not too long until you can get your evenings back a bit :) (but also why is it always you that stays with baby, doesn't your DH take a turn? Or baby could always sleep downstairs until you both go up to bed?)

Original poster
luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 17:15

The baby is too young to be left safely asleep. I’m 40 icecream so couldn’t wait really. It’s absolutely freezing out there and although we’ve had two walks neither were particularly enjoyable.

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 12/02/2021 17:16

@judgingcat

Why are you staying upstairs with baby? Confused that's where your going wrong.
I would guess either that baby won't sleep without her or that she's trying to follow the advice to never let them sleep alone, even for short periods, before 6 months. I personally didn't follow that and did put DS up to bed for a couple of hours before I went up from earlier than that, but I've been told on MN before that this was horribly neglectful and I obviously didn't care if they died of SIDS...
ChristMyArse · 12/02/2021 17:16

Honestly, your baby is not too young to be left to sleep.. get yourself a decent monitor and go back downstairs - give yourself a break 💐

Yaty · 12/02/2021 17:18

How old is yoir baby? My LO is nearly 6 months now and I was doing the same up until a few weeks ago. I've got post natal anxiety and one of my main triggers is sids so I had been wanting to follow the guidance about not leaving them alone to sleep before 6 months. But like you with my partner working and lockdown etc was having zero adult conversation or company during the week, all very depressing! We ended up getting a really good video monitor and I've been taking her up to bed at 6pm and spending the evenings with my partner. Its made a massive difference to my emotional state and tbh the anxiety hasn't been as bad as I'd been imagining. There is the risk but with the video monitor i feel reassured i can keep an eye on her. Obviously if your baby is still very little you might not be able to do this but I think you should try and find some way of having time with your partner in the evening. Whether thats baby on a monitor or setting up somewhere downstairs for the baby to sleep while you spend time together? I do sympathise, this latest lockdown especially has been really hard and quite lonely.

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