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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

499 replies

luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 16:47

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable. Sad

OP posts:
Dutchesss · 12/02/2021 17:18

You are allowed a bubble with a baby under one, is there anyone that you can bubble with?

JKW36 · 12/02/2021 17:21

How old is your baby? I really don't think you should be staying upstairs with the baby, you and your partner need to spend time together. That is so important.
Either keep your baby downstairs with you until you go to bed, or put baby to sleep upstairs with a video monitor. It is not going to do you any good spending so much time alone. And I'm sure your partner is very much missing spending time with you

Original poster
luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 17:24

Plus it’s a chance to sleep so that’s important too. Just not much of a life. No one to bubble with.

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 17:25

Am I the only one that use to have my baby downstairs then if I was downstairs! I can’t imagine staying up in my room from 7 every evening but then I had other kids so couldn’t do that anyway, I don’t think it’s normal sorry, I would keep the baby downstairs asleep until I went up to bed then bring them up, if you have other kids you wouldn’t be able to do that.

lioncitygirl · 12/02/2021 17:25

What sorry - you sit and watch the baby sleep?why? What about a camera with a monitor? I’ve had two children and I have never ever not let them just sleep - we’ve always had cameras etc.

Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 17:26

No family or friends at all to bubble with??

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 12/02/2021 17:26

Sorry its so rubbish OP.

Do you have a monitor and mat under the baby? We had that for DD, though under a year I don't think her bedtime was anywhere near 7pm. More like anytime from 9pm onwards. Naps whenever during the day, though I think we tried to make sure she didn't sleep later than about half past 4. Then we gradually made bedtime earlier until I started working and she was in nursery.

Does it take DC a while to go to sleep at 7pm or is that just the start of getting changed, fed etc so in bed around half past? Why is DH not coming up with you or doing the bedtime routine?

I would look at possibly pushing the bedtime a wee bit later, and getting a monitor and mat so you can have actual time with DH.

Original poster
luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 17:27

I really think people are focusing on the wrong bit. I’m generally exhausted by 8 anyway and ready to sleep. No no family to bubble with.

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 12/02/2021 17:28

How many days off does DH get and what does he do with them?

Why doesn't he do bedtimes?

Happycat1212 · 12/02/2021 17:28

People are just trying to help you make things easier and better for you! What would you do if you had other kids? Just stay up in the bedroom and leave them to it?

Original poster
luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 17:29

Just the weekend. Because I know how to get the baby to sleep and he doesn’t. Anyway it’s the days more than the nights I struggle with.

OP posts:
Lockandtees · 12/02/2021 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Original poster
luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 17:30

Yes I know that happy and thank you. Just the same the night routine isn’t too bad. No one can really help. I mean, it is what it is, we have a lockdown and a virus. It’s just a bit miserable.

OP posts:
AliasGrape · 12/02/2021 17:30

I know how you feel OP, it’s tough.

It’s all very well everyone telling you to just leave the baby and come downstairs but the nhs advice is not to. It’s not so easy to just ignore that for some - me included.

Now my baby is over 6 months but won’t sleep unless she’s right next to me so I’m still in that position. Most days I’m knackered enough not to care but sometimes it gets me down - I had a bit of a cry at my husband earlier about it. I just keep telling myself it won’t last forever - lockdown has to end at some point and presumably the baby will sleep without me at some stage before she’s 18. It’s still a bit shit in the meantime though.

Original poster
luckyinblue · 12/02/2021 17:30

Yes it was all online though lock

OP posts:
solicitoring · 12/02/2021 17:32

My Baby is 7 months. Husband out most of the time often leaving early and back v late. I'm also homeschooling 3 primary kids and a bastard dog to walk. I'm slowly going off my trolley. But on a positive my baby is doing amazingly physically as he spends so long on the floor!

GrumpyHoonMain · 12/02/2021 17:32

@luckyinblue

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable. Sad

I understand. I had a baby a couple of months before Lockdown and he’s basically grown up while we’ve been isolated. One thing that’s better now is access to some baby groups - they were classed as essential services a while ago and many are meeting with restricted class sizes. Maybe just call as many as possible to see if they can prioritize you for mh reasons.
Gretafamily · 12/02/2021 17:33

I totally understand. How old is your baby? My daughter was 8 months old when first lockdown started so all baby classes we had attended stopped and then stuck indoors for ages!! She forgot what her nans looked like (even though we FaceTimed) I was so bored and lonely. I haven’t got any advice but hopefully this doesn’t last much longer Flowers x

JumperooSue · 12/02/2021 17:33

I don’t think people are focusing on the wrong bit with bedtime, I think people were trying to help make suggestions as to how you could have some time in the evening. Once I started putting my daughter down first at about 12 weeks I made so much difference to my mood as just a couple of hours peace in the evenings was lovely, we could see her breathing on the camera. Maybe join some local Facebook groups and see if there are any new mums in your area or the peanut app to connect with new mums

BallsToYouSue · 12/02/2021 17:34

Not due to covid, but because we relocated to a new area right before we had dc2, I ended up on my own a lot. It is crap. Yanbu Flowers. Really hope all this ends soon!

Selfishly, I worry when it's all over I'll still be on my own a lot while everyone else will go back to seeing friends / local family, of which we have none. But that was our decision which we knew about when we moved. Covid has made things a lot harder though, definitely.

MsSquiz · 12/02/2021 17:35

There are online classes for things like baby massage or baby yoga. My DD was 3 months old at the start of lockdown and found online classes helped break up my week! I even still joined in with 1 class when DD was asleep Grin

If you are on a Facebook page for your local area, you could start a "buggy buddy" post? You can go for a socially distanced walk with another mum in a similar situation to you and have some adult conversation. We had such a post on our local Facebook group and now there are 20 of us on a WhatsApp group with babies and children of various ages. And if you fancy an afternoon walk, pop a message on in the morning and their will probably be someone else who needs to get out of the house too. We even had a zoom meet and greet with wine! (Fully appreciate not everyone would fancy that though)

I think your DH could learn to put the baby down to sleep to give you a chance to have a bath or chill out before you go to bed?

DianaT1969 · 12/02/2021 17:35

With respect, if you don't have any friends or family to meet, how was your maternity leave going to be different?
I know that you could have gone to a coffee shop or a baby group, but that's still rather lonely. Do you know anyone who would meet for a regular walk and chat?

00100001 · 12/02/2021 17:39

@iolaus

Why are you putting the baby to bed at 7 and staying up there?
I used to go to bed with baby for the first few months i was so tired 😴😴😴😴😴😴
DancingQueen85 · 12/02/2021 17:41

I really do feel for anyone who has had a baby during lockdown but I can assure you that having an older child is much, much worse.

Lalapurple · 12/02/2021 17:41

I get why you go to bed with the baby and don't get your husband to do it, but get your husband to join you for company in the evening while the baby is sleeping?

Look online for local mum groups and maybe you can meet people through those- hopefully restrictions will ease a bit too. In Scotland buggy meet ups are allowed - but maybe not where you are.