To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

Not able to breastfeed but (and I swear I’m not being horrible here!) please let’s not get into that

Yes will be looking into some zoom classes so that’s something

Hi OP,

Sounds really awful. I had DS2 Nov '19. He had just hit the 4 month sleep regression when we went into Lockdown, and I was on my own with him and a 4 year old during the week (DH was working away). Both my babies were rubbish sleepers for the first 8 months. I did SO much walking. I found that making a really clear plan for my day was useful. I would also recommend Carifit (stick baby in sling and do a workout, they are on Youtube and it's awesome - DS2 always fell asleep). I like walking better with an audiobook, and I still do that when I walk with him now (now in sling on my back).

One thing that I was told by the sleep coach I called in desperation about naps was to accept sleep in any form for the baby. I was trying to sleep train and getting really stressed. She told me to just accept that he wanted contact naps and male the most of it. So I did - went in his very dark, white noisy nursery, lay down on double mattress next to him and had a safe contact nap. DS1 watched a lot of CBeebies. We all survived, and as the naps improved, the night time sleep improved.

With both my children I found that at around 6 months they became much more comfortable sleeping in a cot. I just kept trying every now and again. I have a photo of the first time DS2 went down in the bassinet as it seemed so miraculous!

It is really hard and I'm sorry it has been such a struggle. It does get better.

I’m currently sat in a rocking chair with ds in one arm and a hairdryer blasting

He has a bouncy chair, swingy chair, rocker, crib, dockatot, crib, basket and cot but if a human bed is what he wants now that’s fine!

@luckyinblue

For anybody who is interested here is some info about expressing, if you read or get advice anywhere it is to try to ‘mimic’ a baby’s feeds as much as possible. I get more at 4 in the morning than any other time so it’s definitely worth doing and it’s only another twenty minutes.

I feed baby, then hold him upright for a good half hour then express. I’d have to feed and hold him upright anyway so the disrupted sleep would be happening. I honestly did not for one moment think I’d have a baby and wouldn’t be disturbed at night!

I honestly don't know why posters are making you defend yourself so much, particularly about the expressing! If I didn't express regularly it bloody hurt! There's no way I could have made it all night without feeding or expressing, my boobs would have exploded!

Please ignore the absolute melters picking apart everything you're doing. You're doing a great job.

(And if your baby was over tired you'd bloody know it)

@luckyinblue

I’m currently sat in a rocking chair with ds in one arm and a hairdryer blasting

He has a bouncy chair, swingy chair, rocker, crib, dockatot, crib, basket and cot but if a human bed is what he wants now that’s fine!

I shudder to think how much electricity I used running my hairdryer while DS2 slept. We have a really good white noise machine now, about £20 on amazon. I can still hear him on the monitor over the noise. Vacuum cleaner is/was also a favourite. Have you tried swaddling as well?

If you go on to have another baby, it's worth thinking about having a double bed/mattress in the nursery from the word go - I did this time round and it made my like SO much easier

He hates swaddling 😂 he’s a bloody awkward sod but I do love him!

There’s an app for your phone called Lullin that was a lifesaver. It has all the noises that babies like: hoover, car noise, hairdryer, train, fan, washing machine 😂 when I tell you we spent a week in the hospital with car noise blaring in our room just to get him to sleep 😂

Thank you!

If your baby falls asleep when walking, and you want to get your baby in a decent napping routine (which will really help you IMO) then you need to get out 3-4vtimes a day to get your baby to sleep. They soon start speeding up in how long it takes. For well over a year, I trudged up and down my road with a pram or baby in a sling, and then once they were asleep, plopped them down or brought the pram in and had some time to myself.

Your baby is going to be much harder work and much grumpier if he's not getting enough rest in the day.

@solicitoring

My Baby is 7 months. Husband out most of the time often leaving early and back v late. I'm also homeschooling 3 primary kids and a bastard dog to walk. I'm slowly going off my trolley. But on a positive my baby is doing amazingly physically as he spends so long on the floor!

Omg I take my hat off to you! I have one DS, on my own and finding it hard, but that is without lockdown, so how you are keeping everything ticking over is admirable!

OP the situation is shit, you can't change that. The only thing open to you is to change how you feel about it.
Sadly I've learned that the hard way in the last few months. I spent the first week of January in a black rage of resentment and anger wondering how it was fair that I was expected to do a full on job and care for a toddler and do home schooling while my husband is a keyword and out of the house all day. I had a near breakdown dreading in. I lost it and walked in the rain having shouted at everyone with tears streaming. Did it help? Well only in realising that I couldn't go on like that. There was nothing to change my situation so I've tried hard (and it is hard) to see the positives. It hasn't changed my workload but I have felt so much better by appreciating my kids laughter, eating dinner together, not having to do along commute in the snow, forcing us outside even when I don't want to.
Have a walk with your husband or a drive out, eat a valentine's tea even if it's at 4pm and frozen pizza.
Look at your situation through new eyes. You may well have timed it really well (no not pre pandemic well but good within current circumstances). You had a c section so that's 4 weeks stuck in regardless, you don't need to feel the pressure to tidy the house or get dressed if you don't want to or drag your baby out in bad weather to visit relatives you don't necessarily want to see!
You are forming a bond with your baby brilliantly. It doesn't make it any less boring of course but resenting it will only hurt you in the long run and change nothing. If you see it as just another few weeks of enjoying your little bubble before the world reopens it will be easier to take.
I'll not lie, I'd have punched someone in the face if they'd said this to me six weeks ago but it does work. Have a blub, have a rant and then decide you are going to make the best you can of it

Oh and I know it's not what you asked but in regard to breastfeeding, I really wish someone had told me with the first it wasn't all or nothing. No one listened when I said I wasn't producing enough, we had hospital admissions and a dreadful time. I the end he was happier on the bottle but the guilt I felt was crushing. With my daughter I vowed not to put myself through it again, offered her the boob and a top up bottle. She was a dream in comparison. She had a bottle at night and on our school walk and I mixed fed her with no issue. I appreciate this doesn't work for everyone but it still makes me sad eight years on that it was presented as such an all or nothing choice

@Calmdown14

OP the situation is shit, you can't change that. The only thing open to you is to change how you feel about it. Sadly I've learned that the hard way in the last few months. I spent the first week of January in a black rage of resentment and anger wondering how it was fair that I was expected to do a full on job and care for a toddler and do home schooling while my husband is a keyword and out of the house all day. I had a near breakdown dreading in. I lost it and walked in the rain having shouted at everyone with tears streaming. Did it help? Well only in realising that I couldn't go on like that. There was nothing to change my situation so I've tried hard (and it is hard) to see the positives. It hasn't changed my workload but I have felt so much better by appreciating my kids laughter, eating dinner together, not having to do along commute in the snow, forcing us outside even when I don't want to. Have a walk with your husband or a drive out, eat a valentine's tea even if it's at 4pm and frozen pizza. Look at your situation through new eyes. You may well have timed it really well (no not pre pandemic well but good within current circumstances). You had a c section so that's 4 weeks stuck in regardless, you don't need to feel the pressure to tidy the house or get dressed if you don't want to or drag your baby out in bad weather to visit relatives you don't necessarily want to see! You are forming a bond with your baby brilliantly. It doesn't make it any less boring of course but resenting it will only hurt you in the long run and change nothing. If you see it as just another few weeks of enjoying your little bubble before the world reopens it will be easier to take. I'll not lie, I'd have punched someone in the face if they'd said this to me six weeks ago but it does work. Have a blub, have a rant and then decide you are going to make the best you can of it

That’s v good advice

@ohtobeaseahorse, that would be the NHS that says we should say "chest milk"?

@Mamanyt the NHS doesn't say that we should say chest milk? And I don't really see how that's relevant to this thread either 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote knockeduplockeddown]@Mamanyt the NHS doesn't say that we should say chest milk? And I don't really see how that's relevant to this thread either 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
nypost.com/2021/02/10/uk-nurses-asked-to-stop-using-the-term-breast-milk/

Just the point that the NHS is not always right at all times. And that up until very recently, we were advised NOT to sleep with our infants, in part for the reasons I stated.

@Mamanyt I feel like the headline of that article is incredibly misleading when it clearly states further down that they have been asked to use gender neutral language in addition to the current language, and only when speaking to groups of people or people who may struggle with gender identity and pregnancy. They can use the appropriate language when speaking to individuals - it seems to be aiming for a bespoke approach.

Also, safe sleep guidelines in countries such as US and ireland seem to match those of the NHS so I presume they are just going by the most up to date advice based on research.

Us women who had to go through stillbirth during lockdown would love to be having these problems atm.

@Hannahusky

Us women who had to go through stillbirth during lockdown would love to be having these problems atm.

I’m sorry, that must have been a terrible experience.

But the OP here is clearly struggling. We are allowed to struggle despite others being worse off than us.

@Hannahusky

Us women who had to go through stillbirth during lockdown would love to be having these problems atm.

How awful for you

I’m so sorry.

Aaw honey. I can’t imagine having first baby during this time as it’s a shocker having the first and without mum friends to reassure you / give advice if sounds like you really are struggling. Everyone is right that of course you should be putting baby to bed and then go back downstairs. Get a monitor with a sensor mat for peace of mind. My baby likes white noise. I promise you hear the crying over white noise. I promise getting some time alone / with husband will make you feel better. Then nap when the baby naps. Walk him to sleep if you need to and snooze on the sofa ! Also for walks in the day arrange to phone a friend on a walk (use headphones) or listen to a podcast (shagged, married, annoyed is very funny). I’ve had my 3rd baby over lockdown so currently homeschooling a 5 year old, 7 year old and have a 5 month old. It’s tough. I bloody relish it when I escape for a walk with the baby! I’ve also started the couch to 5k app last month and an feeling great. I go out at 6.30pm when husband finishes work, really clears my head. Then I put baby to bed, husband gets older ones to bed and then it’s normally about 8.30 so we have late dinner together and watch an hour of box set then I head to bed 9.30ish as am up lots in night with baby as breastfeeding