To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

@luckyinblue I think it must be really bloody tough for you. I don’t know why everyone has to turn it into a competition, yes it’s awful for everyone but I am actually grateful I don’t have a newborn! I don’t know anyone who wants to stay in all day with one, that’s not easy! Is there anything online like NCT groups that you could join?
I can only hope the weather bloody sorts itself out soon and at least you can get out for some nice walks! Even getting out in this cold is not pleasant but it will turn soon and it will all seem so much better, you may even find a take away coffee place on a nice walk! It will get better, I promise! Hang in there!
@Fembot123 my youngest is 9, it’s changed since my newborn days too!!

@luckyinblue You are not doing anything wrong. You’re following the current safe sleeping guidance, I did the same too. It does get easier after 6 months, just getting that little bit of time back in the evening. It’s sad to see competitive, race to the bottom type responses on these threads. Ultimately it is a shit time to have a baby. It is very hard to make friends when you aren’t allowed to go out to groups. I did manage to get to a baby group in the autumn but due to everyone being stuck in socially distanced boxes it’s very difficult to build up rapport with mums week on week.

Weird and unhelpful responses!
I get it OP I really struggled with my baby through lockdown 1. I know this doesn't help you now but it WILL get better. I don't think you've said how old LO is but 6 months was a real turning point for me. Only advice I have is when baby naps do something for yourself, try and relax. Also a routine helps. Things like nursery rhyme time, water play time, whatever, at the same time each day to give you some structure. I know that there isn't much to be said, it is super shit not being able to meet up or even go for a coffee.

Have we missed it, I'm not sure you've said he old your baby is as that make a difference for where they should sleep.

Like pretty much everyone else I kept them in a moses basket in the lounge for as long as I could and then the bedroom with a monitor. I then spent the whole evening with my husband and had some adult time. I know you say the evenings aren't the problem but a big part of your OP was how you only got an hour of your with your husband a night...

Yes, it's hard being lonely in lockdown, and it's not a competition, but yeah, it's crap for everyone. I have a 18m old and a 3yo and I'm having to manage their boredom and frustration as well as my own. You have to cope with your boredom but if it's any consolation at least your baby really doesn't care or notice.

You've also got the massive advantage that you can form a bubble, which those with slightly older children can't. So take advantage of it. And go on walks and use local social networks to find people in the same position (or your virtual NCT people). There are opportunities out there, but yeah, it's hard and it's lonely right now, and I think all parents are struggling quite a lot.

Just wanted to say I feel exactly the same OP. My baby is 4 months, got pregnant just before covid happened so couldnt have forseen any of this. I feel so alone and so sad that no one really has met my baby and my family have already missed so many milestones. The days are so hard by myself. I frequently end up in tears. Walks break up my day a bit but it’s so cold at the mo and even they get boring. This is not what I imagined at all, so hugs and solidarity, you are not alone in feeling this way.

@Janus the guidance isn't for you to monitor baby, it's because there's been studies showing being in the same room as parent helps baby regulate their breathing better reducing the chances of SIDS

@luckyinblue if you’re evening routine is working for you, continue with it. My little boy was born last March and for first few months I used to come up to bed with him at 5:30 and stay with him.

I know how you’re feeling, maternity leave in lockdown is hard, the lack of social interaction for mum and baby is hard.
Hopefully by the summer things will be better 🤞.

Yes it is an awful situation, but you are making a rod for your own back by 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him

Your not you’re 🙈

This is the problem sometimes, I just explained what my day is like. I didn’t actually mean to sound as if I was complaining about the evening bit. Just to reiterate, I’m okay with the evenings as they are. Apart from this evening which has turned into to a disaster.

Probably not best to post this in AIBU if you're feeling sensitive to people trying to help.

I have also had a baby during lockdown - currently 5 months. I really sympathise - it’s tough and not at all what I thought maternity leave would be like. Sounds like you have no family nearby either, similar to me.

That said, a few things I have found that help me:

• get out for a walk every day with the pram
• do some exercise by myself at least every other day. I’ve taken up running (and I am not a runner).
• I’ve taken up an online course related to work which I do while baby naps
• get a cleaner if you can afford it
• I do one baby class online each week. It’s not great, but better than none.
• I meet friends one on one for a walk - they are NCT friends I met online
• organise nice things to do in evening with DH even if it’s just takeaway (or better still get him to organise it)

I still have a few bad days here and there, but the little things really do help. And I would also get yourself a monitor and a breathing monitor if you are particularly worried (I have one and wouldn’t be without it, I was also worried about leaving him upstairs alone without one before I got it).

Honestly it's like people are reading a different OP to what is there.
Your evenings sound great if they work for you and you are getting enough sleep - well done, that's not easy!
The days with a newborn are hideous in lockdown. Yes, life for lots of people is hideous but the OP wasn't asking for everyone else to complain about their circumstances!
To answer your actual issues - definitely see if you can find some online groups if they work for you (I couldn't do them but worth a try). Look for local groups to see if there are others who'd like a walk. Do you have a local area Facebook group? Or a local playgroup who are on Facebook?
Please do reach out - there are others of us who are struggling with new babies in covid lockdown and who will understand what you are saying.

I was feeling the same (FTM of a 7 month old so pregnant way before lockdown started), and die to go back to work in 9weeks.
However, I've gained a different perspective recently. I can't say I've ever known a mum not say maternity leave is boring or not lonely, when there is no pandemic, so I kind of feel grateful now that I have done a double whammy of shite at the same time iyswim?! At least I was pregnant when nobody was able to go out, so didn't really miss out, and I'd rather be bored with a baby in lockdown than during normal times when everyone else is out footloose and fancy free.
I think it looks to be much harder with older children, particularly those trying to work and home school. And the main 'bonus'; at least baby won't remember any of it.
I'm weirdly counting my blessings.

Gosh I do feel a lot of these posts are missing the point. You are just wanting to have a whinge about how shit it is. Because it is! I can’t imagine how miserable I’d have been with a first baby under lockdown. I honestly think I’d have cried every day with the loneliness and monotony. I feel a bit sick thinking about it. You really do have my sympathy

perpetual the problem is people are trying to ruin the one nice bit of my day 😂

Yes I completely feel this way! I had my baby in May last year and I go back to work Monday basically the whole time has been so isolating and you just can't get out! It's like Groundhog Day. Same routine same shit and you sometimes dread the days if the nights have been off. It's so lonely at times! I also feel bad because I haven't been able to take her anywhere she's hardly met anyone. As much as I obviously love her if I knew about the pandemic I would have held off trying. Sending my love to all of you who are going through this ❤️

@luckyinblue when do you and DH get time together if you’re disappearing at 7pm with the baby for the night?

Not a judgment! But realistically at the moment he’s your only safe bet when it comes to adult interactions.

I know you’re happy with the evenings but a couple of hours interaction with another adult would probably do you the world of good!

I don’t think you said how old the baby is. Does he never sleep downstairs? Because if he does manage to sleep downstairs during the day and he’s still portable (as in won’t wake when you lift him!) could he sleep downstairs for a couple of hours in the evening before you both turn in?

It is shit at the moment! And it’s no surprise you’re finding it lonely!

I don’t suppose DH works close enough to pop home at lunch and break the day up a bit?

Just to add (and this isn't my situation, so I'm not saying it's me...) but as hard and lonely as it is, some of the posters answering will be trying to hold down a full time job at home, whilst home schooling children and caring for toddlers (who often don't sleep much better than newborns) simultaneously. It's absolutely hellish for some parents out there at the moment, on a level that you, and I, and others that aren't in that situation can't comprehend.

People are chronically sleep deprived over worked, desperately needing a break, and I suspect that's why some of the answers don't have as much patience as they would at other times. People are hanging onto their sanity by a thread,.and don't have a lot left to give.

We don’t captain but for now that is just how it is. Even if I did stay up we wouldn’t be able to talk as baby would be crying. DH wfh but he does work - I don’t mean that flippantly just that he is very busy in the day.

You know I’ve been the first one to sympathise with parents struggling with older children and for the still older children who missed exams and graduations and so on.

I totally get it, this isn’t what I ever imagined. Baby is 9 months (obviously conceived pre pandemic) and it’s been so lonely, I feel like I’ve been robbed of those normal times and experiences as baby is most probably my last

@luckyinblue

We don’t captain but for now that is just how it is. Even if I did stay up we wouldn’t be able to talk as baby would be crying. DH wfh but he does work - I don’t mean that flippantly just that he is very busy in the day.

But surely he takes a break? Or if not, he should!

An hour or even a couple of twenty minute coffee breaks would be good for both of you!

Why would baby be crying if you stayed up? I don’t understand that part.

@luckyinblue

We don’t captain but for now that is just how it is. Even if I did stay up we wouldn’t be able to talk as baby would be crying. DH wfh but he does work - I don’t mean that flippantly just that he is very busy in the day.

Why would baby be crying?

Because he’d be awake? I feel like we aren’t really understanding one another too well here, sorry?