To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

@DancingQueen85 Do you have both a baby and an older child?

How many babies do you have, twins?

Honestly, this will pass. It's difficult enough when we are not in lockdown, never mind now.

I hope you have someone close to you, a mum maybe or a best friend, with whom you can form a bubble.

Things will improve and before you know it, it will be all over and summer will be here. Honestly!

Many congratulations.
x

I used to go to bed when baby did, best part of the day haha! It wasn't long before me and DH had time together in the evenings again. I feel for you OP, I found maternity leave hard and lonely anyway to be honest, and I had access to groups, a support network etc.

Ps I often go to bed with baby

@Sheepies

I used to go to bed when baby did, best part of the day haha! It wasn't long before me and DH had time together in the evenings again. I feel for you OP, I found maternity leave hard and lonely anyway to be honest, and I had access to groups, a support network etc.

I still do. DS is 14 months old now and breastfed so we just go to bed together at 9pm.

@Oldat40
A toddler and a primary aged child. The toddler is absolutely fine my older DC is struggling hugely and I'm worried about the long term impact. I remember what it was like having my first baby, it would have been isolating to not be able to get out to baby groups etc but really a baby only requires it's mum and at least this time you're allowed to meet one other person outside.

I’m due in July and so terrified that this will happen to me too.

My sister is a highly qualified top end maternity nanny and I asked her about this the other day, it’s fine to have them in another room when they’re napping or for a few hours before you go to bed, the data is that the long night sleeps are where SIDS incidents seem to happen. I mean if you want to make your life harder to be extra careful and literally never be in a different room to your baby fair enough, but it is a choice. I’d rather follow a professional’s advice than the confusing advice and hysteria on the internet.

With all due respect, OP, your DH isn't going to learn how to get the baby to sleep if he never does it. And it will just be a constant cycle of you being grumpy about getting no time while not handing him some of the responsibility.

diana I said I didn’t have anyone to bubble with not that I didn’t have any friends. There is a difference. I’m sure baby would be fine if I left him there for an evening but just the same I’m happy with the evening routine as it is at the moment.

@notalwaysalondoner

I’m due in July and so terrified that this will happen to me too.

My sister is a highly qualified top end maternity nanny and I asked her about this the other day, it’s fine to have them in another room when they’re napping or for a few hours before you go to bed, the data is that the long night sleeps are where SIDS incidents seem to happen. I mean if you want to make your life harder to be extra careful and literally never be in a different room to your baby fair enough, but it is a choice. I’d rather follow a professional’s advice than the confusing advice and hysteria on the internet.

This is a bit unfair. The advice to keep baby in the same room as you while they're asleep until they're six months is on the NHS website, so hardly counts as hysteria.

@DancingQueen85 My situation is that I have three kids one week - baby's half siblings are 10 and 13 - and just the baby the other.
I actually find it easier with the boys home as homeschooling gives me a purpose. It's so hard just to "play" all day with a young baby. Very monotonous and repetitive.

The other thing is that baby needs white noise to sleep so might be hard to hear crying over that. Anyway - it’s the days that are the problem more than the nights.

@luckyinblue

Just the weekend. Because I know how to get the baby to sleep and he doesn’t. Anyway it’s the days more than the nights I struggle with.

Are you BFing to sleep? If not, then your DH can learn to do it then can't he?

Our 3 month old just hangs out with us downstairs until I go to bed but will go up with a monitor when she's a bit older and has more of a bedtime. This way we still get time to eat dinner, watch TV and have a chat and drink wine to help erase the 3yo's daily tantrums from my brain

Honestly it sounds like you need "mum friends" people who get it. I've had a baby in lockdown it sucks. Maybe post a rough area see if anyone is local? Our homestart has a whats app group that's been amazing for meeting people in covid times.

@notalwaysalondoner

I’m due in July and so terrified that this will happen to me too.

My sister is a highly qualified top end maternity nanny and I asked her about this the other day, it’s fine to have them in another room when they’re napping or for a few hours before you go to bed, the data is that the long night sleeps are where SIDS incidents seem to happen. I mean if you want to make your life harder to be extra careful and literally never be in a different room to your baby fair enough, but it is a choice. I’d rather follow a professional’s advice than the confusing advice and hysteria on the internet.

It’s hardly confusing advice and hysteria - it was literally printed in the booklet the hospital gave to me as we bought baby home, as well as being on the nhs and lullaby trust websites.

If you want to follow your sister’s advice then go ahead but no need for the eye rolly tone at people who make a different choice surely?

It’s ok to say it’s hard and you’re finding it lonely and isolating even if you did make the choice to go to bed with your baby. Choosing to follow safe sleep guidelines doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to find having a baby in the middle of a pandemic and national lockdown hard.

I know how you feel OP.
I live 200 miles away from my family, we bought near my husbands parents but in a tiny town that’s several stops on an expensive train line from where we met and work together. I don’t drive and neither of my parents are around anymore so I really was alone. People are asking me now if I’m worried about feeling isolated on maternity leave with my second, but in all honesty- it doesn’t sound that different to last time other than no baby swimming lessons or trips to the library. Husband leaving home at 6.30 and back at 6.30ish 5/6 days a week and no family or friends easily accessible. It’s HARD. But, it is an amazing time that you will only get once with your baby. My top tips would be
-Try to carve out lovely time for you each day I.e have a bath and pop baby in the Moses basket on the floor.

• make a safe place to put baby down in each room so you can move around or embrace the sling, this means you can do stuff you’d like to do and feel good about it.
• check out the baby club on bbc iPlayer and join in with the songs with your baby every day.
• try to get out for a walk at least every other day, I WISH I had forced myself to do this first time round, it’s so beneficial to your mood and health with getting your fitness back on track, particularly after c section recovery.

Really hope this helps, you are a whole person not just a mum and entitled to feel worn out by mum life sometimes.

OP I am the same with my toddler and it’s hellish. Can you have a childcare bubble?

What town do you live in OP? Maybe you can find someone on MN in a similar situation to bubble with?

OP, you are allowed to meet and walk with one person from another household (government website). That person doesn't have to be in your bubble.
Ask your friends to each meet you on different day. There are places doing take away hot drinks. That would be 1-2 hours of routine and adult company each day.

Keep your nighttime routine exactly how it is if it works and that is clearly not your problem, you miss someone in the day to talk to while you are alone with your baby.

Could you set a zoom call up a few times a week with different friends, it's not the same as meeting up no, but it's adult conversation and a laugh in the day, if that's what you are missing and I'm sure your friends will do that?

I can empathise, I have an 8 month old and sadly my parents live in a different country so have never met her. I am going a bit stir crazy and am lonely and actually quite excited to go back to work!

That being said, I am so glad I do not have to homeschool an older child 🤣 those parents I am amazed are still sane!

My lo is 16 weeks I also don’t leave her sleeping alone - a video monitor is not the same as being in the same room.
We just keep her with us in the evenings, she just sleeps on my lap but my older son used to sleep in his Moses basket with white noise blasting. We just sat close to hear ourselves and put subtitles on, luckily this baby comes with noise better.

You need to find some ways of breaking up the day like virtual groups or FaceTime with a friend.

Reach out to your online nct and see if anyone wants to go for a walk, or find a “mums in x” group on Facebook and see if anyone wants to meet up outdoors

You’ll probably find lots of others in the same boat!

I appreciate that there is no opportunity for social interaction right now, but even 17 years ago I found maternity the single loneliest period of my life and consequently went back to work after 4 months as I was just too lonely.
Maternity leave is not a happy wonderful time for everyone at the best of times.

You said the day times are the worst so meet your friends for a socially distanced walk then?? As pp said they don’t need to be in your bubble to meet for a walk

I would've found maternity leave during lockdown awful. I have nothing but sympathy for you I think a lot of people are forgetting that you meet your mum friends by going to baby groups and things like that. Have you tried seeing if there's a local Facebook or WhatsApp group for mums? You might find somebody you can go for a walk with that way. I bet a lot of other local mums feel exactly the same. The health visitor might be able to put you in touch with other mums too maybe? Or there's that app, Peanut. I've never tried it but you might meet some people on it.

I think just getting out the house was crucial for me when my son was tiny, so hopefully if you can find someone to have a walk with it will help.

I used to go to bed with my son too. He fed to sleep and slept better with me nearby and I slept pretty well too, it was the best thing I could do to preserve my energy.