To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

I understand completely op. It's really tough and monotonous. Under normal circumstances on a Monday you might go to a baby class, on a Tuesday you might go swimming, on a Wednesday you would meet a friend in a café etc, the entire week would look so different and you would have something to look forward to each day.

My son is two, he is autistic and non-verbal, I get very lonely all day with him as well

@luckyinblue

I think the people saying it would be the same whether lockdown or not perhaps wouldn’t be thinking of things like swimming, library, playgroups, baby groups, a ‘live’ NCT and so on.

Not everyone is happy to meet for walks. And not many friends are local. I understand it’s hard for other people as well but I don’t really see the point of bringing this up, it isn’t a competition. Or is it?

Let’s have a competition, it’ll be something to do 😁 Seriously though I’m remembering those early days with my first and thinking about how hard it was despite having all those things you mention.

I want to hug you all up ☺️ I should get my coat and fly over to netmums 😂

Avvi

I haven’t spoken to HV or GP. To be honest I don’t feel I am depressed or anything like that, just naturally sad at a sad situation. And besides, there probably isn’t much they could offer because covid!

Do that must be incredibly tough for you.

There are online Mum and baby groups where you can meet other mums for a SD walk with the babies. You should get involved in something like that.

I think everyone is finding it hard.
Everyone is missing opportunities
I have two under 6s climbing walls and don’t see a single adult atm as a lone parent because I Can’t go for a walk and leave my 5yo at home. At least with an under 5 you can walk with a mate. Even if no local mates - if you look around there are changes to make new ones eg through local nct etc.
Not to say my plight is any better or worse than you, but we are all missing things.

I was able to go to groups on maternity but the rest was similar to you, baby would only sleep attached to me and I'd be asleep at 7pm. Wasn't much fun, I sympathise. It will pass.

Can your husband sit in with you and you can at least watch the same telly together on your phones with headphones as something to do together? I know you'll probably feel guilty about 'making him spend his downtime that way' but you're a family and youre in it together, it's the least he can do xxx

My friend had a baby in December, she has a clip she attaches to her nappy that has an alarm so if she stops breathing you know. She says it’s a great. I don’t understand how anyone can sleep then, how can you monitor a baby if you’re sleeping? Things have changed so much since mine were young! I do feel for you though, I literally had a baby class or met with friends every day with my first, I couldn’t have stayed in all day, every day, it must be so hard.

@Janus

My friend had a baby in December, she has a clip she attaches to her nappy that has an alarm so if she stops breathing you know. She says it’s a great. I don’t understand how anyone can sleep then, how can you monitor a baby if you’re sleeping? Things have changed so much since mine were young! I do feel for you though, I literally had a baby class or met with friends every day with my first, I couldn’t have stayed in all day, every day, it must be so hard.

The same way you’d sleep without a monitor? The alarm would wake you up.

I’m merely pointing out that everyone is having a tough time, you aren’t alone in that. Someone on my local Facebook made a post asking for mums with lockdown babies to get in touch with her so they could have a group for mums in the local area that had babies in lock down to chat and meet when possible, what about something like that? I was pretty jealous as I thought it sounded lovely but sadly my “baby” is 3 😂

I really sympathise.
My classes, coffees, baby massages, baby cinema (where they’d bring you a brownie and coffee in your seat) got me through that sleepless, potentially highly-isolated first year.
I am not surprised you are finding it hard.
And it’s also hard when it’s so cold. Can you find others Mums to pick up a coffee and walk with?
Perhaps you are not looking for a solution as such but just need a bit of space to grieve. I’m sure this is not what you expected and feel that loss for what should have been a special time.

This must be very hard for you. I have 3 children, older now, but I remember how just putting the baby in their pushchair and nipping for a browse around the shops, or going to a baby and mums group, really broke up the day. Dont feel bad for wanting some interaction: babyhood is hard work and frequently lonely.

@Happycat1212

Am I the only one that use to have my baby downstairs then if I was downstairs! I can’t imagine staying up in my room from 7 every evening but then I had other kids so couldn’t do that anyway, I don’t think it’s normal sorry, I would keep the baby downstairs asleep until I went up to bed then bring them up, if you have other kids you wouldn’t be able to do that.

No, that's what I did for the first few months. They slept in a carrycot in the sitting room until I was ready to go to bed.

@Fembot123 sorry, I mean surely everyone has some kind of alarm nowadays that is on the baby or under the baby so that they can sleep? So if you do have that then you can go downstairs? If you don’t have some sort of alarm and the nhs advice is now that you cannot leave a baby unattended then how do people sleep?!!

I'm with you, OP. It's shit. I have a 9 month old, born in lockdown 1. I'm not a fan of newborns - they're boring - I'm better once they can interact tbh.

I'm not sure how old your LO is, but I used to snuggle up with mine (before he decided he was a climbing frame) and read a book / watch telly etc

My family are 4 hrs away. They've missed him sit, crawl, shuffle, stand holding stuff etc - and whatsapp isn't the same. My husband works long hours, I couldn't attend NCT classes and I've only met my HV once.

I 'met some other local mums on a breastfeeding Facebook group to compare notes (horror stories about poo) with. Poo disasters were the only thing that stops it being groundhog day for a while

I was always planning to be that mum who had wooden toys and no telly etc Cbeebies has saved my ass. I'm selective about what we watch, and turn it off in between, but it breaks up the day.

[quote Janus]@Fembot123 sorry, I mean surely everyone has some kind of alarm nowadays that is on the baby or under the baby so that they can sleep? So if you do have that then you can go downstairs? If you don’t have some sort of alarm and the nhs advice is now that you cannot leave a baby unattended then how do people sleep?!![/quote]
Ahh I see, I didn’t but my youngest is 7 😁

Winging I know. I haven’t once said or inferred ‘I am the only person in the world missing things.’ I know that on a national especially a global scale I am incredibly lucky. Just the same I’m struggling. I’m sorry if my struggles are not as bad as yours or anybody else on this thread but they are what they are. Anyway perhaps best left now as I’m feeling worse!

YANBU. In fact, I'm relieved to read it as I feel the same. It's really, really, bloody hard :(

And the baby won’t sleep in the lounge so that’s why I go to the bedroom, but thanks for everyone telling me how wrong I am doing it and how right they did it.

bleepers

Aw, I'm sorry, OP.

I don't know if it'll help any, but I had my first wee babe in a freezing cold winter and couldn't do anything or go anywhere and was lonely and miserable. But I'm sure it is not helped by Covid and lockdown. Sending you and . Hold on tight, it'll be spring soon and things will start to look up. Honestly, February is always the pits.

Hi OP. I did exactly the same thing as you in the evening until my baby was 6 months old aswell. I am not sure why everyone else is implying it is so unusual. I cant imagine how hard it must have been to have a baby during lockdown. Are there any baby groups you can do via zoom. In my area there are some you can pay for and some for free which replace the face to face groups that our health visiting team usually organise. Perhaps there is something like this you can do to see and talk to other mums and babies. I hope the spring comes round quickly for you. I loved taking my daughter for walks in the spring. Xx

OP I don't know why you're getting such a hard time! Mine's 2 years old now and I still go to sleep with him most nights at 8 😂.

I completely sympathise with you. I didn't have mine in lockdown but I don't live in the UK so I'm away from my family and my long term friends so my maternity was also hard. I can't imagine doing it now. It's hard with a toddler but at least I can talk to him and get a response back!

Let's keep our fingers crossed that this passes sooner rather than later and we get some normalcy back.

Oh sweetheart sounds shit
Can you do some online baby groups?
I know Blossom are running tummy time and baby massage classes which are adults interaction opportunities

I get you. I’ve just returned to work and my mat leave was not as I imagined. Baby groups do make a huge difference. I live abroad so we also had no one to “bubble” with.

I’d really recommend zoom groups as they helped me structure the day. I was really skeptical but I still felt I was interacting with other people. We’ve now started a WhatsApp group and chat everyday. Ours is for local mums so I still feel like I’ve made mum friends and we’ll meet up once restrictions allow.

Even if it’s on your own it’s really good to get out for walks. DS had one of his naps in the pram each day. I discovered places I’d never been too. I got into podcasts and looked forward to hearing the next instalment.