Which parent is being in reasonable?

[HappyasLaura]

Wanted to canvas the opinions of mumsnet as to who is being unreasonable.
2 parents, one working full time from home in a fairly full on corporate type job.
The other is currently a stay at home parent with one easygoing Y2 child albeit one who isn’t great at entertaining themselves.

Parent 1 gets the child up every morning (parent 1 is in the home office by 7.30, so before parent 2/child gets up), does breakfast, does the homeschooling, entertains child after school, let’s child watch 90 mins of TV in the evening while they are in the home gym.
Parent 1 makes dinner for everyone (generally does the bulk of the housework, shopping, bins out etc)
Parent 2 appears out of the home office around 6.30 at which time everyone has dinner then parent 2 usually does the bedtime routine and once that’s done, heads out for a walk for an hour or so.

Parent 2 doesn’t do much in the house aside from all of the washing and changing beds (not a huge chore given only 3 people in the family) and a bit of tidying at the weekends.

Parent 1 complains parent 2 does nothing in the house and they have to do everything including everything school related. They also feel that parent 2 has it a lot easier and has opted out of parenting and hides away all day in their home office.

Parent 2 thinks they’re working hard in the home office and the above is the job of Parent 1 so isn’t hugely sympathetic but acknowledges that homeschooling is a ball ache and is happy they don’t have to do it.

Ps Neither bastard wants to leave the other bastard and neither is being abused, financially or otherwise.

Which parent is being unreasonable if either?

I wonder which one the OP is, I can’t decide!

Whoever feels resentful of the other is unreasonable. No one is having a good time right now. No one. You are both very lucky to have what you have.

@LittleRa I assume OP is the WOHP ... but then if they’re the SAHP I can understand why they’d be embarrassed to return to the thread

Wait until you have 3 kids to look after as a SAHP I can't keep up with housework during week so on Sunday DH looks after kids with I vaccum and clean bathrooms.

Looks like both parents are throwing their weight in. The home office parent even puts kids to sleep so SAHP can put their feet up and have a cup of tea. There's even gym involved?! Wanna switch with me??

Fucked if I would 'entertain' a 7 year old child. It's not good for them anyway to be constantly entertained.

Hi all
Thanks for the input.
Sorry if I wasn’t clear
Parent 1 is the SAHP, does everything with the child but does accuse the WFH parent of opting out. They do everything during the week, all meals, and housework.
Parent 2 WFH (is up before parent 1 but goes to the home office so doesn’t do any of the morning routine of breakfast, toothbrushing etc which is a bit of a drag in our house), goes for a walk at lunchtime on their own generally, finishes up at 6/6.30 comes down to dinner on the table, then does the bed time most evenings.

At weekend we both have downtime, usually the same as they are now, parent 1 goes to the home gym, parent 2 goes for walks, parent 1 (SAHP) continues to cook all meals, while parent 2 (WFH parent) does all the washing. They both do housework, generally P1 cleans, P2 tidies.

It’s a fairly even split by you all as to who is being unreasonable I feel, and ultimately to those who say it’s a shit situation for everyone, yes, you’re right. Being mindful of course that we do have it easy compared to lots of people, with 1 working parent, one SAHP, 1 child, enough laptops to go around and not having to juggle.

It’s a temporary situation. From what you describe, the SAHP has it way easier the majority of the time

@HappyasLaura

Hi all Thanks for the input. Sorry if I wasn’t clear Parent 1 is the SAHP, does everything with the child but does accuse the WFH parent of opting out. They do everything during the week, all meals, and housework. Parent 2 WFH (is up before parent 1 but goes to the home office so doesn’t do any of the morning routine of breakfast, toothbrushing etc which is a bit of a drag in our house), goes for a walk at lunchtime on their own generally, finishes up at 6/6.30 comes down to dinner on the table, then does the bed time most evenings.

At weekend we both have downtime, usually the same as they are now, parent 1 goes to the home gym, parent 2 goes for walks, parent 1 (SAHP) continues to cook all meals, while parent 2 (WFH parent) does all the washing. They both do housework, generally P1 cleans, P2 tidies.

It’s a fairly even split by you all as to who is being unreasonable I feel, and ultimately to those who say it’s a shit situation for everyone, yes, you’re right. Being mindful of course that we do have it easy compared to lots of people, with 1 working parent, one SAHP, 1 child, enough laptops to go around and not having to juggle.

No offence but it doesn’t really sound that shit.

I don’t think it was a even split over who is being unreasonable. It was a resounding Parent 1 / SAHP is being unreasonable. I think they are doing a tad less than their fair share in fact, I mean how much housework needs to be done every day!

It’s also not a fairly even split in people’s responses

Ok so what exactly does the SAHP want the working parent to do which they are not doing?

The SAHP has it way easier most of the time. Maybe not at the moment, but it is only temporary so I don't think they should moan too much.

SAHP sounds like they are BU. The other parent is working.

Your life sounds great OP. One child to supervise. All day to get the house jobs done. Plenty of down time. What's the problem?

@CallforHecate

Ok so what exactly does the SAHP want the working parent to do which they are not doing?

This ^^ it sounds like the SAHP has a very easy stress free life in comparison and the working parent more than pulls their weight. I'm not sure at all what else they can and should be expected to do?

The SAHP should take a moment to reflect on how lucky they are. Astonishingly lucky, being provided for by the other parent and being able to spend the time needed to raise the children.

The parent who works is doing everything right - working during the day, helping with the housework at the weekends.

If the SAHP doesn't like the situation they should get a job themselves.

I think there's a reasonably fair distribution of tasks here.

The SAHP can hardly accuse the employed parent of slacking. And the employed parent shouldn't underestimate how tricky keeping a Y2 engaged in learning and entertained during lockdown is.
It honestly sounds as though neither of you have anything to grumble about. You should each be appreciating the other.
Maybe the employed parent could take the child with them on their lunchtime walk?

It’s a fairly even split by you all as to who is being unreasonable I feel - what?? Not a single poster has said that the working parent is being unreasonable. All the posters have either said the SAHP is unreasonable or have said "it's rubbish for both" or similar.

Is the SAHP normally stay at home outside of Covid? To be honest it sounds like they’ve got it quite easy.
At lot of parents are working, doing housework and now are trying to juggle childcare and homeschooling.

They are both working hard in different ways. Stop moaning at each other, this sucks for everyone.

It’s a fairly even split by you all as to who is being unreasonable I feel

So you're the SAHP. Pretty much everyone thinks you're being unreasonable. I hope you're going to stop being so unfair to your husband.

I can’t believe the toothbrushing of one 7 year old child is being mentioned as an additional task for a SAHP

Think of WOHP at work just same as if leaving to go to work in office. They are working then doing bedtime. Fitting in a walk at lunchtime.
A normal 7 year old doesn’t need constant supervision or entertainment. SAHP will get free time in day plus gets time in evening for gym when working parent finishes work.
Previous poster hit nail on head that SAHP to one junior school age child previously had it easy in week when child at school and got used to hours of free time for gym/lunches out. WOHP is probably enjoying lack of commute.

It is pretty shit being a Sahp AT THE MOMENT. But there's been quite a few sahps of teenagers on here recently complaining of how hard they work compared to the wohp. Conveniently completely forgetting that in non covid times they have a rather blissful life.

SAHP is being very unreasonable.

It's not a shit situation at all.