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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to still feel upset by this?

207 replies

Frostino · 11/02/2021 13:06

Had a pretty horrific pregnancy, none of it went smoothly really. I live with dp's parents. Whilst I was pregnant I specially asked dp that we kept at least the first two weeks to ourselves, to adjust and especially since this was during lockdown I was nervous having visitors when my baby is so vulnerable. He agreed and that was that.

Roll on to the birth and I ended up having an emergency c section. It was horrible. I came back after 3 days in hospital and was thrown out of all sorts, couldnt walk and couldnt hold my baby. Emotionally I was a mess. And yet throughout the first two weeks of us being back dp's parents had family and friends over, and was constantly asking for dp to bring down and introduce our child.

Now my problem here is that he seems to think it was reasonable as I was not expected to say hi to visitors, they only came for the baby (made me feel great huh). But it got my back up the what we had agreed together went out the window, no one respected what I wanted for me or my baby. And I was so exhausted I just wanted to be left alone. I have brought it up to him since I'm still.upset by it, felt like it really put the icing on the cake for my traumatic birthing experience. But all he could muster up was a useless "I'm sorry" and when I challenged him on why it happened he had nothing to say to himself. Presumably he just either didnt have the balls to say no to his parents, or he just didnt care or respect my wishes.

AIBU to still be upset? I just feel like it could of been something so easily avoided.... I couldnt of had the pregnacy I wanted and he couldnt even give me the first couple of weeks at home that I needed

OP posts:
Frostino · 12/02/2021 15:41

@katy1213 that was not helpful in the slightest. That's like saying make sure you're married before you have a baby.....

Of course I know this. That would be the ideal situation. But life doesnt go as planned. My pregnancy wasnt planned. I wasnt able to be in the position I wanted to be in bringing a child into this world. I already beat myself down on it I dont need it reinstated to me.

OP posts:
Anyoneelsewilldo · 12/02/2021 15:54

@Frostino if you have a baby with no income of your own and it sounds like your DP also has no or little income and are completely unprepared and unable to support your own child you’re not going to get to have what you want re recovery/ bringing up your child etc. You are actually very lucky your boyfriends parents are supportive and have taken you in providing for you and your child and that your boyfriends mother is supporting you re checking in when baby is crying and need to get over this and be more grateful toward them instead of slagging the mother off for taking an interest in bringing up the child she is supporting.

Frostino · 12/02/2021 15:58

@Anyoneelsewilldo I feel like the meaning of my thread has got lost here... never once was I slagging of my mil. My op was me expressing my upset towards how my dp and i had an agreement that he did not follow and consequently i didnt feel supported during that hard time.

OP posts:
Frostino · 12/02/2021 16:00

*let me through in a disclaimer here since it seems to be the fixation of this thread - I am very grateful for my pil's taking me in. I'm very grateful they could put a roof over my family whilst we try to get our financial side together. I'm not a spoilt brat. I'm not a "princess" I'm a scared first time mum, struggling with my mental health and this thread had only fed into that. For that reason I will not be replying to anymore posts. Think want you will of a person you dont even know into a tiny glimpse of a bigger situation. Thanks for the help all.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 12/02/2021 16:13

Honestly, having read all of your posts, I don’t think you’re particularly fond of your DP who has, IMO, let you down really badly. What was he thinking, exposing a new baby to strangers during a pandemic?! I think you would be better off back at your mum’s, your DP can come and have contact daily if he’s bothered. Oops, that sounds harsh, sorry, but he doesn’t seem to be too bothered about her or her safety.

julachu · 12/02/2021 16:17

So much weird nastiness and judginess on this thread. Good call to not engage with it anymore OP but I just hope you know that I'm sure lots of people understood what you were actually upset about and also get that life doesn't always work out exactly as you'd want it to be when having a baby. Sounds like you have had a tough time and I really hope it improves for you x

aSofaNearYou · 12/02/2021 16:39

It was not my intention to paint you as anything, I was only speaking from the impression you gave in your comments. I'm sorry if I insulted you, but it didn't come from judgment of your situation, just a difference in opinion of how it should be handled.

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