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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say I can't pick him up?

999 replies

hurryupsummer2 · 08/02/2021 13:21

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

OP posts:

anotherlongwalk · 08/02/2021 13:24

If it was my DH I'd pick him up because I'd want to. Even if minor, I would expect he's being waiting for this procedure and it's something he needs. But only you know your relationship.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/02/2021 13:26

I would pick my dp up, but he doesn't shout at me.

Original poster

hurryupsummer2 · 08/02/2021 13:27

Thanks for the response. I'm just very worried about having a car accident because of the weather conditions, I never drive in snow and ice because I feel unsafe and I'm not experienced in driving in this way. I would like him to get a taxi because they would be more equipped for the conditions. I'm just bricking it about driving in snow tbh!

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/02/2021 13:27

Well I wouldn’t be so worried about the snow, but would be about someone shouting at me!

Taxi might be safer especially if you can get one that’s a 4x4 or similar.

Lockheart · 08/02/2021 13:28

Why should he move his operation?

How did he get there this morning?

Obviously you don't have to if you don't want to but personally I think it's incredibly mean.

Dogscanteatonions · 08/02/2021 13:29

Check the RAC/AA website for road/traffic conditions. Your local FB almost certainly has a group for traffic alerts - join that and put a post up asking if anyone knows what the road is like from your place to the town the hospital is in. Drive slowly.

I would definitely pick him up unless roads were actually impassable

LIZS · 08/02/2021 13:29

Pick him ip. He won't be right after a ga. Routes to hospitals will be clear and gritted bit it may mean going via a longer route.

Babyboomtastic · 08/02/2021 13:30

Of course you aren't experienced in snow if you refuse to drive in it. I can see why he'd want (and reasonably expect) you to be there waiting for him tbh.

unmarkedbythat · 08/02/2021 13:30

I don't drive so it would of course be a taxi. I'd go in a taxi to pick him up and return with him in it. DH had a heart op in November and that's what we did afterwards. The cost was painful but he was vulnerable and anxious post op and I wanted to support him.

RedskyBynight · 08/02/2021 13:31

I'd go and pick my husband up as well. And I doubt very much that an operation can be easily moved at the moment! £60-70 is a lot of money and there is no guarantee that a taxi will be any better equipped than your car. If the snow is that bad the operation will be cancelled though- as staff won't be able to make it through to work.

Winterfellismyhome · 08/02/2021 13:31

He shouldnt be shouting at you firstly,

But i 100% would pick him up. Leave earlier and take it slow if you're worried

DinosaurDiana · 08/02/2021 13:32

How is he getting there in the morning ?

KriekAndWaffle · 08/02/2021 13:32

I wouldn’t do it for shouting at me or his comments and in fact wouldn’t drive him anywhere again.

Babyboomtastic · 08/02/2021 13:32

And your suggestion that he move his operation, to better suit you, is rather unpleasant tbh. It's preferable for him to get a taxi than delay, but unless the roads are totally unpassable (in which case he presumably might be kept in) I think you should pick him up.

SeasonFinale · 08/02/2021 13:32

I wouldn't have thought a 25 mile trip would cost £70 though. Why not call a couple of taxi firms and ask for quotes. I would expect it to be half that.

Original poster

hurryupsummer2 · 08/02/2021 13:33

It's not today, it's later this week but more heavy snow is forecast

OP posts:

bloodyhairy · 08/02/2021 13:33

Sorry OP, but your post reads like you would expect him to move the operation for your convenience. That's crazy, especially in these times!

Lockheart · 08/02/2021 13:34

@hurryupsummer2

It's not today, it's later this week but more heavy snow is forecast

You're right, I misread your OP.

But the question still stands, how is he getting there?

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2021 13:34

Actually I’m with you. I don’t like driving in the snow and ice either in the dark, and wouldn’t be keen to do a fifty Mile round trip when he can get a taxi.

User7312019 · 08/02/2021 13:34

I just can’t imagine not wanting to pick my husband up from the hospital and why on Earth should he move surgery to make your life easier? How selfish.

Halo1234 · 08/02/2021 13:34

I would pick my dh. I dont like driving in the snow but if I needed surgery I would expect him to be there to help me afterwards therefore I would do the same for him (plus I would want to). If the weather got bad I would think the hospital would rearrange. He isnt asking for a life home from the pub.

Ilovecaviar · 08/02/2021 13:35

I think you’re over reacting tbh. And theres no say a taxi would drive him home once he knows the destination and figures the snow might be too bad. Leave yourself plenty of time and drive for the conditions. And you need to get out there and practice driving in all weather conditions.

Don’t agree with him shouting at you though.

SoddingWeddings · 08/02/2021 13:35

Christ, are you normally so uncaring? Surgery, even day surgery, isn't easy to reschedule.

Just pick him up. Why are you so afraid to drive? Just don't drive like a knob, don't over rev your engine and you'll be fine. If you're still worried, pack blankets and a flask of a hot drink, make sure your phone is fully charged and get on with it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/02/2021 13:36

I hate driving. Really really hate it. My husband had an op last year, albeit a bit one and I had to take my teething exhausted 8 month old to get him on a motorway I hate in the driving rain and pitch black. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to suggest a taxi or a stranger going to get him. As he’d had a GA they wouldn’t let him go until they saw me collect him from the ward reception. No idea what would have happened if I’d sent a taxi.

He’s never shouted at me and I was out of my mind worried about him and wanted to see him asap and get him home as quickly, safely and comfortably as possible.

You say it’s minor but maybe he’s scared. DH is hard as nails but hadn’t had a GA before and was worried about it. Maybe he’s terrified and just wants to see his wife once he’s done being operated on.

It doesn’t sound like a good or caring relationship.

Cadent · 08/02/2021 13:37

The key thing is it can be easily moved. He sounds like a controlling arse.

Trust your instincts OP.

Tell him he either moves the appt or gets a taxi.

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