Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I can't pick him up?

999 replies

hurryupsummer2 · 08/02/2021 13:21

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

OP posts:
MissieandOllie · 10/02/2021 18:34

Hospitals won’t allow a taxi driver to take a patient home alone. You need to go in the taxi, pick him up then come home. It will be expensive but this doesn’t happen very often! Forcing you to drive in those conditions at night just isn’t fair.

impostersong · 10/02/2021 18:36

Op, you're getting a really hard time here which I think is really unfair. I'm a confident driver but really anxious about driving in snow. My DH had to go to a&e this week (fell on the ice). I dropped him there as it was light but he got a taxi home as I wasn't happy to drive in the dark with the snow / ice. His suggestion. It doesn't mean I'm an uncaring wife, it means he's an understanding husband. That's what wives / husbands do!

MagnoliaXYZ · 10/02/2021 18:40

Unless he's private or you're not in the UK, having an operation at the moment means that it is something which needs doing urgently. Hospitals can't just rearrange surgery because you don't want to drive in the snow. They won't discharge him in to the care of a taxi driver.

You could always get a taxi up there and accompany him back.

aimsi · 10/02/2021 18:43

So he doesn’t see why he should contribute to your car but is happy for you to run around and even Goes as far as to shout at you about collecting him?
Operation or not, snow drifts and tornados or not, there’d be absolutely zero chance of him stepping his shouty little toe in my car at any point until he apologised and treated me with some respect. You had to pay for taxis or pay friends to collect you from your hosp visits, why is he any different?
Take a fuse out and tell him your cars broken down, he’ll have to sort his own transport out, like you’ve had too.

GimmeShiraz · 10/02/2021 18:44

I work in a day surgery unit, and where I work patients who have had general anaesthetic or sedation have to be escorted from the unit by an adult prepared to take responsibility for them, so a family member or friend, rather than a taxi driver for whom they are just a fare. Maybe, pragmatically speaking, the only solution is for you to take a taxi there to collect him and bring you both home. For this, I would want appreciation, not to be shouted at.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 10/02/2021 18:50

YABU

Thoughtless and selfish really.

Most people don’t like driving in the snow and ice but they will have been driven on by rush hour traffic and less likely to have black ice etc.

Just go slow.

MagnoliaXYZ · 10/02/2021 18:51

And wouldn't getting a train to the hospital breach his self-isolation prior to admission?

Crapbuttrue · 10/02/2021 18:53

OP YANBU.

He's perfectly capable of getting a taxi. He's being unreasonable.

Professionallytorn · 10/02/2021 18:59

Will the hospital allow your DH to travel 'unaccompanied' after a GA? You can't expect / doubt they will accept a taxi driver to be responsible for him / his health on the journey. I doubt they will allow him to travel alone on public transport for part of the journey either. He could ask to stay overnight?

NaughtyButNice · 10/02/2021 19:03

I think I have the unpopular opinion of not doing it if you feel unsafe. 60 to 70 pounds is far more reasonable than the cost of repairs of you were to crash.

Carpedimum · 10/02/2021 19:08

I’m intrigued that he’s even allowed to get public transport to the hospital- I recently had an op & due to Covid restrictions, had to isolate for 2 weeks beforehand, arrive by car and not at the hospital main entrance, nor transit any part of the main hospital. After the GA, you have to be met by an adult to accompany you home, they don’t just let you go with a taxi driver.

rosesandbees · 10/02/2021 19:10

YANBU. Sounds like the road conditions will prohibit you travelling anywhere anyway. I’m quite sure you have explained to your husband that if there was no snow of course you would collect him but with the current conditions you are worried about both your safety.
Perhaps because of the snow the hospital might keep him in over night? Then you could take the train in the morning to collect him and come back together.
Alternatively do you know anyone with a 4x4 vehicle that might be able to take you and collect him and bring him back. Sometimes people that are confident in these road conditions and have 4x4 volunteer do exactly this sort of trip. Might be worth looking into?
Alternatively book a taxi to take you there and collect him. If he has saved £150 a month on train fares for a year surely he can pay for the taxi for his non urgent op when the road conditions are so rubbish!

nannawend · 10/02/2021 19:14

You have my sympathy. I am really scared of driving in the snow and so I don't. I think being a nervous driver is potentially dangerous anyway. I will drive anyway in the rain, fog etc and even drive frequently abroad but not in snow. It would have been nice if your husband had considered your fear and would not want to put you through that. I think he is being selfish and he sounds a bit of a bully to shout at you. I'm sure you would not put him in a position where he was terrified just because it suited you. Book a cab and tell him you can't do it and that's that. By the way I'd also ask him to take driving lessons and learn to drive to take the responsibility of you all the time. Must be nice for him to have a chauffeur twenty four seven!!!

Anele22 · 10/02/2021 19:16

I would not drive in this weather. He's being unreasonable. You'll be incredibly stressed and it's far too dangerous to drive all that way. He'll have to make other arrangements.

HairyPottyMouth · 10/02/2021 19:18

I can’t drive, but I’d be arranging for a friend or family member to pick me up to go get my husband after a GA. You do what you can to be there. He shouldn’t have shouted at you, but it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth for your spouse to refuse you in your hour of need.

PADH · 10/02/2021 19:20

@Sarahrellyboo1987

YABU

Thoughtless and selfish really.

Most people don’t like driving in the snow and ice but they will have been driven on by rush hour traffic and less likely to have black ice etc.

Just go slow.

She lives rurally with massive snow drifts where even bin men haven't been able to get through... rush hour traffic isn't really applicable.

Also, when it was the other way round OP had to get a taxi home on her own on one occasion, and pay a friend to lift her on another occasion.

PADH · 10/02/2021 19:22

@HairyPottyMouth

I can’t drive, but I’d be arranging for a friend or family member to pick me up to go get my husband after a GA. You do what you can to be there. He shouldn’t have shouted at you, but it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth for your spouse to refuse you in your hour of need.
When it was the other way around the OP had to organise getting a taxi home alone on one occasion, and on another occasion had to pay her friend to lift her.
KorumamaT · 10/02/2021 19:23

Tell him to get a taxi or ask a mate who is confident to drive.
I think he is unreasonable to ask you to go out of your comfort zone due to his idea of what wives “should do”

TheGoodEnoughWife · 10/02/2021 19:29

@HairyPottyMouth

I can’t drive, but I’d be arranging for a friend or family member to pick me up to go get my husband after a GA. You do what you can to be there. He shouldn’t have shouted at you, but it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth for your spouse to refuse you in your hour of need.
Why should the OP do this arranging? When the OP has had OPs she has arranged her own transport so why now does she have to arrange his too?
dchange · 10/02/2021 19:39

Op this a little worrying that you need opinions on whether you should pick your husband from an operation as you are scared of driving in the snow. Can't u get a taxi there and return with the Taxi? Yes it will cost £120 but this is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things.

Sounds like he is looking for support and because he may be vulnerable post surgery it's best he is close to next of kin. I will be honest, if I went for surgery and had no kids and my hubby said he can't pick me up because he is scared I will lose it. Simply because there is an alternative (Taxi)

My opinion is there is more to this.

Washingmyself · 10/02/2021 19:42

I would not pick him either. I am a new driver and I never drove in snow or ice.
DH has super duper’s car which I’m allowed to drive once per week only.
I drive from Ato B. Never anywhere else as not allowed.
He is fussy about his car, inspect its after I even sit in it.
Hence I refuse to pick him up like last year from Xmas party.
It was from area I never been before at night.
I refused. He screamed that I’m not a proper wife.
Too bad.
It’s his car and I’m scared to drive just in case I damage it. So thanks but no.

Smileyk · 10/02/2021 19:49

I'd pick him up - in a taxi that he pays for! Although if he shouted that its what a wife does at me then he'd be staying there until he could get the train home!

Smileyk · 10/02/2021 19:55

Oh and for reference I just discussed this with my husband. When I said "that's what wives do" there was an intake of breath followed by "that would really annoy me!". And he suggested a taxi.

Re: taxi. If you were single and with nobody to collect you then of course you could get a taxi home, it happens all the time. They'd hardly keep you in overnight!

Madamesosostris · 10/02/2021 19:56

Think you’re being a bit harsh. If my DH had told me to get a cab after any of my GAs I’d have been extremely unimpressed! Maybe assess the weather nearer the time?

BertramLacey · 10/02/2021 19:57

Most people don’t like driving in the snow and ice but they will have been driven on by rush hour traffic and less likely to have black ice etc.

If you live rurally on untreated roads, as the OP has explained she does, rush hour tends to be a couple of land rovers and a gator.

My opinion is there is more to this.

After 39 pages, quite a lot more really.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.