To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

@Toorapid

All the people saying he wouldn't be allowed to leave in a taxi, what would someone (like OP) who doesn't have a driving partner do?

It's not the taxi, it's the lack of person to take responsibility for him that's the problem. So someone else (family/friend) could pick him up in a taxi. You just can't make the taxi driver the responsible person.

Go and get him. Drive slowly and steadily, if you skid, drive into it, not against it.
It’s perfectly easy to drive in snow, especially in this country where most of the main roads are properly gritted. I live very very rurally but I have no problems taking a little corsa out in the snow, at all.

If you aren't prepared to drive to pick up your husband from hospital following an operation, your marriage sounds in pretty poor shape (as might be inferred from the shouting?). If he's not an appalling bully (in which case you maybe should LTB), go and pick the poor chap up!

Well OP then take a taxi as another poster suggested, like this you show support and don’t have to drive in difficult conditions, that’s a win-win. Easy.

If it was my dh, he would insist that I don't pick him up as he wouldn't want me driving in weather that he knows I'm not comfortable with.
Bad weather is not something you mess around with or take a chance with. If there's an accident then its a big problem. He should either move it or get a taxi.
Least of all, you shouldn't be shouted at.

How exactly do you learn to drive in snow? We see enough to make a difference about twice a decade. All the official advice currently, is not to drive in it.

@Toorapid

All the people saying he wouldn't be allowed to leave in a taxi, what would someone (like OP) who doesn't have a driving partner do?

Around here he would be allowed to leave in a taxi as long as that taxi contained another adult who could be responsible for him. They wouldn't let him leave alone in a taxi as the driver cannot be responsible for him.

What do you think happens to people who have no one to pick them up, the people that live alone and have no friends or relatives ? They go home in a taxi.

@2021optimist - exactly!!

So because he shouted his position that his wife should help him after he had surgery is unreasonable. Maybe he was frustrated that he has an unsupportive wife. I actually feel for him.

Whenever there's been any sort of procedure with GA or even sedation, hospitals need someone to pick the patient up and won't let the patient simply leave.

If you're uneasy about driving, then get a taxi there to pick him up and bring him back home. Surely that's your answer rather than just leaving him to it.

@DicklessWonder

I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

All cars can be driven in snow.

All cars can be driven in snow. But not all cars can be driven safely in snow (especially with a nervous driver) and some cars may not drive through deep snow (they get stuck).

@hurryupsummer2

Actually OP I agree with the previous poster; just reverse the situation for one second. You’re having an operation in the middle of a pandemic, wouldn’t you expect your DH to collect you from the hospital afterwards?

He wouldn't be able to pick me up... he can't drive.
When I've had procedures I pay for taxis or pay a friend to help me.

So you will have to get there and collect in a cab

I think that's better than an anxious person driving with a post GA patient in the car.

If someone who wanted me to collect them knowing that i was nervous of the conditions shouted at me I'd tell them to get a hotel for the night and come back and collect their things.

He's probably nervous about the procedure, and if he doesn't drive he probably doesn't realise how nervewracking it can be to drive in snowy conditions when you're not used to it.

Tell him to stop shouting and have a bit of empathy and you can both work out the safest way to handle it. (taxi does sound a bit steep though so i get why he doesn't want to do that)

My dp doesn’t drive so he has gotten a taxi to pick me up from the hospital before. The actual driving bit is a non issue but he shouldn’t shout and he should do the same for you.

I can understand what you are saying, if people don’t have a fear of driving in those conditions then they just don’t know what it feels like but saying that you should go and get him. Plan your route, give yourself plenty of time, take supplies in case you do get stuck (really the main routes in to a hospital should be cleared) and take it carefully and you will be fine. You are denying him through fear and he is shouting at you through disappointment.

I wouldn’t be happy if I was him but I’d understand why you didn’t want to drive. Is there an option for you both to go to hospital and you wait around till the ops done and get a taxi back together? Or a family number picking him up. After a GA I wouldn’t get a taxi on my own as I fall in and out of sleep.

Ok, so OP can go to get him in a taxi. That's the answer.

@Toorapid other countries get plenty of snow to drive in. And there are special courses you can take that give you practise driving in all sorts of conditions

Like you OP, I'd be too nervous driving in those conditions.

All good and well people saying they'd do it, but if you were to have an accident then it doesn't bare thinking about. Taxi is the better solution.

Some harsh replies to the OP. I completely understand the anxiety about driving in snow. I wouldn't do it.

@Toorapid

All the people saying he wouldn't be allowed to leave in a taxi, what would someone (like OP) who doesn't have a driving partner do?

Get a friend or family member to take them, usually. Or have someone in the taxi with them.

Nervous drivers in snow make the roads a nightmare for those of us who are more confident.

Have you someone who could sit with you while you practise in a car park or something? Just to get the feel of how the car handles?

Could someone who is happy to drive in snow take you to collect him?

[quote ToffeePennie]@Toorapid other countries get plenty of snow to drive in. And there are special courses you can take that give you practise driving in all sorts of conditions[/quote]
Yes, exactly, that's my point. In those countries you learn to do it properly. Here, the sensible thing is to avoid the roads for a few days.

@Toorapid

Ok, so OP can go to get him in a taxi. That's the answer.

Well yes it's certainly a much better and kinder solution than telling your partner they would have to get a taxi by themselves after having an operation.

Still not answered the question 🤔