To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

I can't imagine shouting at someone i loved to force them to do something they are extremely nervous about that could have fatal consequences.

@Brefugee it's like voice of reason arrives when you join the thread. Totally agree.

Going against the general concensus here. If you are inexperienced and nervous driving in snowy conditions, your DH should put off his operation and he is unreasonable to expect you to venture out at night in dangerous driving conditions you are not prepared for. You will be in absolutely no state to support your DH post-op while feeling stressed/anxious/upset/tired etc driving at night in difficult conditions. I can't believe how many people are suggesting you do this. In European countries, it is illegal to drive in snowy conditions without snow chains etc. (ie in a vehicle that is as safe as possible). Don't do it OP.

@Cadent

The key thing is it can be easily moved. He sounds like a controlling arse.

Trust your instincts OP.

Tell him he either moves the appt or gets a taxi.

A controlling arse?

Jeezo, just when you think you've read it all..... OP is saying it can "probably" be easily moved. She has no idea whether it can be moved or not. Or how long it would take to reschedule. And given that people don't go into surgery for shits and giggles, he DH would have to put up with whatever health issue for longer. All because she's scared of driving in the snow. When she doesn't even know what the roads are going to be like.

How is be getting there op??

OK, most people would go and get their OHs. Whether or not driving in the snow is an issue, I'm not sure I like the sound of your relationship if his response was I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'.

Does he often order you about? Shout at you and demand that you do something? If so go and get him, driving or in a taxi, then afterwards look hard at the relationship dynamics.

OP can be there for her DH and support him without driving. She can travel to the hospital in a taxi and return with him in a taxi.

Why on earth do you not have a joint bank account. I don’t understand this “my car” “my insurance”. You are married. You are a family unit.

Because he doesn't want to pay towards the car. It's not me being possessive over it. He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

My DH would insist on a taxi!

Go and pick him up in a taxi .

I understand not wanting to drive in snow and wanting someone more experienced to do it. Surely your husband understands your worry and although it's not ideal would rather reach home safely? If you can read up about driving in snowy conditions, leave plenty of time, drive very slowly and (try) to relax! Or get a taxi for him I don't think it says anything about your relationship just your driving! :-)

@hurryupsummer2

Why on earth do you not have a joint bank account. I don’t understand this “my car” “my insurance”. You are married. You are a family unit.

Because he doesn't want to pay towards the car. It's not me being possessive over it. He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

You still haven’t answered the question - who is dropping him off in the morning ?

@Toorapid

All the people saying he wouldn't be allowed to leave in a taxi, what would someone (like OP) who doesn't have a driving partner do?

My dad had surgery at the start of last year and as he didn't have anyone who could collect him he had to stay over night. They wouldn't discharge him unless he had someone (and a taxi didn't count) collect him.

@PolPotNoodle
Right so it's reasonable to deduce that you live somewhere that gets snow often, if roads and hills are shut (I've never heard of this happening). Why haven't you learned to drive in snow if this is the case? Why do you live somewhere that you can't leave if it snows? Do you drive if it rains?

They shut roads near me when the snows bad. We don’t get snow any more often than the nearest town/city. I don’t drive in snow because there is no need, I plan ahead in terms of shopping because it’s a big trip to get to the shops and back so I do it before it snows - so that I can drive down the roads whilst they are open. I live here because I like it, why else would I?

What has rain got to do with it? Although all of the routes out were closed due to flooding the other day, I didn’t drive then because my insurance would be invalidated as I passed a road closed sign - the same as when they are closed due to snow.

Because he doesn't want to pay towards the car. It's not me being possessive over it. He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

Even more of a reason to make him get a taxi. He is a controlling AND financially abusive arse.

@Feedingthebirds1

OK, most people would go and get their OHs. Whether or not driving in the snow is an issue, I'm not sure I like the sound of your relationship if his response was I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'.

Does he often order you about? Shout at you and demand that you do something? If so go and get him, driving or in a taxi, then afterwards look hard at the relationship dynamics.

Agreed. The OP knows better than us the tone and context but this should be a normal husband and wife conversation, no shouting or anxiety required.

I would pick my husband up, but my husband doesn’t shout at me and isn’t an arsehole about finances, so it sounds like a very different situation to yours.

I am also interested in finding out how hubby is getting to the hospital on the day of the op?

My DH says your DH is a prick!

You sound like you're making excuses.

He doesn't think he should pay for the car - but he shouts at you when he thinks you should use it to suit him?
Who would be picking him up from hospital if you left him? Does he treat his friends in the same unmannerly fashion as his wife?

Depending on weather conditions there may well be a travel advisory that recommends you stay put.

It's wise to discuss what would happen with the hospital in such a case. Are there any hotels nearby that are taking a discharge?

You should pick him up! He's your husband ffs. Also you can't just 'move' day case surgery because of a bit of snow it's not that simple.

I have not read the whole thread. Of course you should pick him up after a general anaesthetic, unless the roads are really too unsafe for anyone to drive. I would not let him get into a taxi because of covid risk. Surely, if roads are dangerously affected by snow or ice, the hospital will not be discharging him if he has no way to get home. If the roads are not too dangerous to use, then you should go and get him.

@hurryupsummer2

Why on earth do you not have a joint bank account. I don’t understand this “my car” “my insurance”. You are married. You are a family unit.

Because he doesn't want to pay towards the car. It's not me being possessive over it. He doesn't think he should pay as he doesn't drive it.

so, so odd.

@Jaxhog

My DH says your DH is a prick!

Oh good, a mans opinion has came to set us all straight.