To say I can't pick him up?

[hurryupsummer2]

My husband has a day operation this week - something that could probably be easily moved but he won't.

He wants me to collect him from the hospital at 9pm, but I'm very worried because we have deep snow, and I am nervous about driving in it. I never drive in snow or Ice, and my car is definitely not built for it. I am having worries about accidents.

The hospital is 25 miles away, which includes country roads and roads that won't be gritted. I've suggested he gets a taxi but he shouted at me and told me no, I will collect him, because 'that's what wives do'. He will have had a general anaesthetic and he thinks I'm awful to not pick him up. The taxi would cost around £60-£70.

For background, I am the only driver and it is my car, which I pay for and insure etc on my own.

@dchange

Op this a little worrying that you need opinions on whether you should pick your husband from an operation as you are scared of driving in the snow. Can't u get a taxi there and return with the Taxi? Yes it will cost £120 but this is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things.

Sounds like he is looking for support and because he may be vulnerable post surgery it's best he is close to next of kin. I will be honest, if I went for surgery and had no kids and my hubby said he can't pick me up because he is scared I will lose it. Simply because there is an alternative (Taxi)

My opinion is there is more to this.

Try reading the full thread if your opinion is there is more to this (there is)

@Smileyk

Oh and for reference I just discussed this with my husband. When I said "that's what wives do" there was an intake of breath followed by "that would really annoy me!". And he suggested a taxi.

Re: taxi. If you were single and with nobody to collect you then of course you could get a taxi home, it happens all the time. They'd hardly keep you in overnight!

Just did the same here with my darling husband of nearly 30 years...

He said "rubbish, no brainer, cancel, or stay overnight, taxi...wouldn't dream of havingbthe worry of you driving to collect me"....

NOW THAT is a normal good man and husband.

#TEAMOP

@Madamesosostris

Think you’re being a bit harsh. If my DH had told me to get a cab after any of my GAs I’d have been extremely unimpressed! Maybe assess the weather nearer the time?

The OP had to take a taxi home alone after an op because her husband wouldn't meet her.

@GimmeShiraz what do you do if the patient genuinely has no one to collect them?

I'd find a cheaper private hire cab, get him to pick you up first and go in the cab to collect him. That way you have collected him and can look after him in the cab while someone more experienced does the driving. Dont tell him you are doing it...just do it.

Jumping on this late, but as another person who lives in a very rural area, I’d be nervous too. I never used to be, but I’ve written off too many (company) cars trying to get home & it got to me eventually. I now have my own car... it’s small & definitely not a 4x4. I would be anxious & I'm not an anxious driver. I tried to get to work in the snow/ice recently (and it wasn’t that bad, or so I thought), but the postman & Sainsbury’s delivery driver were both stuck.... I stayed at home.
I feel my car in my only bit of independence, so I don’t want to lose that. I think you are feeling the same.
BUT.... you also sound unhappy with your DP op & I get the feeling there isn’t a great deal of love or kindness here. Do you still want to be with him?

If the snow is so bad where you are that you can’t drive safely the non-urgent operation should be cancelled.

If it’s just a bit snowy YABU and should set off earlier and drive slowly etc. or ask someone with a 4x4 or book a taxi to take you to pick him up. If my OH didn’t pick me up cos he didn’t want to drive in snow I would be very upset.

He shouldn’t shout at you though and with your money situation it doesn’t sound like you have a solid marriage. Is this the tip of the iceberg?

I can drive, but have started hating it. I wouldn’t pick up my husband in snow at night. I get very anxious about driving and had a very bad car accident when my mum hit black ice on a country road in the dark. If you’re not feeling confident, I don’t think you should be forced to drive. You’re not, not wanting to be there for your husband, you have anxiety. You can’t switch anxiety off because someone has an operation.

I would do as people suggested, ring round for a return taxi trip so you can go pick him up.

If you’re anxious and driving in bad conditions, you won’t be in a good mental state to speak to him and drive back.

Go with your gut feeling lovely xxx

I hate snow. I refuse to drive in it because it scares the crap out of me. Oddly enough tho I drive a car that shouldn’t be an issue with it. ( I have a old land rover ) I get nervous and panicky at times and also need someone to navigate most places. But if my husband needed picking up from the hospital after surgery. I’d grit my teeth and get on with it. There is no way I’d let my husband in a taxi or on public transport at the moment knowing all the risks especially after having surgery . I’d rather have him home directly.
Think about the risk of infection compared to your own risk of picking him up. Know which I would go with.

You are awful for not picking him up! Yes, the risk is a bit higher because of snow but come on. Drive safety. He is having an operation and you want him to get a taxi..

@Beline4u

You are awful for not picking him up! Yes, the risk is a bit higher because of snow but come on. Drive safety. He is having an operation and you want him to get a taxi..

At least read all the posts the op has made before jumping in with that judgement.

The OP had to take a taxi home alone after an op because her husband wouldn't meet her.

Oh I get it. The OPs husband was shitty to her so she's planning on being shitty back to him to get her revenge.

Not much of a marriage

I’m with you OP. It seems like you have genuine anxieties around driving in snow. The operation is not serious and he’s refusing to pay for a taxi even though he’s saving £150/m on train fares. He also refuses to contribute towards the running of the car as he doesn’t drive yet expects you to use said car in dangerous weather!

@Beline4u

Did you read what the OP said had to happen when the OP had an operation? She had to get a taxi by herself - he doesn't drive and refused to come in a taxi to collect her. Why should he expect any different from her?

Did you also read the part where he won't pay towards the costs of running a car - even though he benefits from it - and that he has saved £150 per month on train fares in the last year through working at home - yet he still won't contribute.

Am becoming more and more bewildered at how many posters have read the op and think he has a right to expect this from her. I just don't get it.

@StephenBelafonte it isn't revenge. It is choice. The OP has the choice whether she feels able to drive in the current weather conditions. She can't.

Although even if it revenge so what? You reap what you sow and if you treat your wife like shit expect similar back.

In sickness and in health...

Definitely #TeamOP!

Any other replies are nuts. If he was a good husband he would never in a million years WANT the OP to drive in dangerous weather!

@StephenBelafonte

The OP had to take a taxi home alone after an op because her husband wouldn't meet her.

Oh I get it. The OPs husband was shitty to her so she's planning on being shitty back to him to get her revenge.

Not much of a marriage

Not revenge, just knowing your worth.

Call me crazy but I don't bend over backwards for people who wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.

I agree, it's not much of a marriage. But OP is getting a disproportionate amount of hate considering when the situation was flipped, her husband wasn't for putting himself out - at least the OP has a genuine reason of the roads being dangerous.

So, it's a relationship based on who can hurt or control each other the must? If her husband is god awful, then why is she there?

She asked question, I believe she should pick him- simple.

Sorry, pick him up at the hospital*

No sign of the OP ...wonder if today is the day and she is on the way back with him 🚗 ?

[quote Jackie2022]@GimmeShiraz what do you do if the patient genuinely has no one to collect them?[/quote]
In that case then a bed has to be found on the inpatient wards to babysit them overnight, until the GA/sedative has worn off. Or for some procedures, eg endoscopy, they are simply done without the happy juice.

@Beline4u

So, it's a relationship based on who can hurt or control each other the must? If her husband is god awful, then why is she there?

She asked question, I believe she should pick him- simple.

No, she doesn't feel safe driving at night time on rural roads with snow drifts that even bin lorries can't get through and has asked him to get a taxi but he'd rather not spend the money, and expects her to risk herself and her car, when in the same situation he didn't offer the the support he is expecting off her, yet OP is the bad one?

Also, she has said if the roads were clear she would 100% pick him up, but not when they are so heavily laden with snow as she lives in a rural, hilly area with ungritted roads making up a major part of the journey.

Honestly.

@Sarahrellyboo1987

YABU

Thoughtless and selfish really.

Most people don’t like driving in the snow and ice but they will have been driven on by rush hour traffic and less likely to have black ice etc.

Just go slow.

Rush hour traffic? The OP said she lives rurally, and that the route involves ungritted country lanes.

I did actually laugh at the idea of rush hour in the countryside. Where I used to live, rush hour would consist of about one car a day.