How often do married couples really have sex??

[PlsSendWine]

My husband has always wanted a lot of sex. We’ve been together 12 years, married 7 and have 2 older children (mine) and two younger ones (ours).
I’m tired, all the time! I have some health issues which cause chronic fatigue and lots of muscle and joint pains but I still work part time, deal with the house and kids and try to carry on with life as best I can, like we all do.
But he wants sex++, everyday if I’d do it! I’ve tried to give him more and recently we’ve been ‘doing things’ at least twice a week if not more. I’m exhausted and in more pain than I’ve ever been. I don’t really enjoy it anymore, he’s very big (10 stone heavier than when we met!) I just don’t feel attracted to him. But if I say no (usually he’ll text me from work or somewhere else in the house to tell me he wants it that night or even sooner) he repeatedly asks and then gets annoyed then gets moody and arsey with me, sometimes for days, until I eventually give in. In between that time, before I give in, we’ll argue about everything and sometimes I end up saying really mean things just to get him to leave me alone... I hate the person I become. His version of arguing is shouting and swearing even in front of the kids and I hate it! He says I’m never affectionate to him and he feels unloved but if I do so much as give him a hug he takes it as a come-on and won’t leave me alone. He acts as if I should be pleased he finds me so attractive, maybe I’m just being selfish.

So I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable not to have sex with him more. We have gone through patches where we don’t for a week or two and he carries on and on about it, but to be honest I just don’t want it anymore. Recently I’ve made a huge effort, yet I said no the other day because frankly I’m in too much pain all over and it’s been arguments ever since. I’m so miserable.

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My husband would like it everyday, often more than once, I can't be bothered. I'd say we 3 to 4 times per week

This sounds like a nightmare. I've been with oh 9years and it can be once a week, occasionally twice a week and sometimes we have a whole month with no sex if theres been a lot going on so we're tired or one of us is ill or something. We certainly dont pressure each other into it.

Once or twice a week.

Average once a week tho

My husband and I have sex at least once a day but we've been the same since we first started dating in our early twenties. Can be as little as 3 times a week when I'm heavily pregnant though.

YANBU OP. I'd be miserable with that to. I'm not married so cannot answer but my bf of 6 years and I haven't had sex in 4 weeks. I know that's bad. We don't live together but he is my bubble and does stay over. I'm too tired.

2-3 times a week for us.

Married 17 years together for 21 years.

The issue isn’t how much you have sex OP, it’s that your husband is behaving like a sex pest. It would instantly turn me off if my DH texted me to tell me he wants sex that night and then repeatedly asked again. Unless of course this is done in a sexy flirting kind of way.

There is obviously an issue with his weight too, I’ll probably get flamed because obviously we all age and I certainly don’t look the same as I did pre-kids when I met my husband but 10 stone is a lot of weight to have put on. Is your husband not seeing this as an issue?

My OH has a lower sex drive than me and would be happy with 1-2 times a month.

It does sometimes make me feel unattractive / unloved but I have to think logically.

God sorry but your husband sounds horrible. Being pressured into sex is awful behaviour.

@MrsWhites

The issue isn’t how much you have sex OP, it’s that your husband is behaving like a sex pest. It would instantly turn me off if my DH texted me to tell me he wants sex that night and then repeatedly asked again. Unless of course this is done in a sexy flirting kind of way.

There is obviously an issue with his weight too, I’ll probably get flamed because obviously we all age and I certainly don’t look the same as I did pre-kids when I met my husband but 10 stone is a lot of weight to have put on. Is your husband not seeing this as an issue?

This x 1000

Not since the beginning of lockdown!

7year, average 2-3 a week but mostly 5 times one week then nothing the next because of life pressures. We’d both love more and better quality. But we talk about it. The whining and pressure you’re getting would make me want less not more

MrsWhites is right.
Long term couples will vary hugely in the amount of sex they are having.

Your issue is your DH's sense of entitlement towards sex and the behavior he is using to get it.

Agree with pp saying amount of sex irrelevant.

Being pestered for sex and then being treated like dirt when you don't want to be coerced into it, is an absolute turn off.

He sounds horrible and disrespectful. Who would want to shag that!

Depends really on lots of factors. One or twice a quarter? Average.

Urgh nothing would be more unattractive than a man who sulks/strops when you say no.

Tell this revolting sex pest to piss off

I agree with @mrswhite it doesn't really matter how often other people have sex. Your husband's behaviour is abusive. You should not have to force yourself to have sex.

I also want to say it's totally irrelvant what anyone else does. Your partner is coercing you. That is sexual abuse. He is not a nice person. Are you aware you're in an abusive relationship?

@MrsWhites sorry!

Sounds like a sex pest. That’s a turn off in itself. 26 years married, usually it’s once a week, not necessarily full sex but something.

About every 10 days. I wouldn’t want it several times a week

About 5 times a week.

About 5 times a week