How often do married couples really have sex??

[PlsSendWine]

My husband has always wanted a lot of sex. We’ve been together 12 years, married 7 and have 2 older children (mine) and two younger ones (ours).
I’m tired, all the time! I have some health issues which cause chronic fatigue and lots of muscle and joint pains but I still work part time, deal with the house and kids and try to carry on with life as best I can, like we all do.
But he wants sex++, everyday if I’d do it! I’ve tried to give him more and recently we’ve been ‘doing things’ at least twice a week if not more. I’m exhausted and in more pain than I’ve ever been. I don’t really enjoy it anymore, he’s very big (10 stone heavier than when we met!) I just don’t feel attracted to him. But if I say no (usually he’ll text me from work or somewhere else in the house to tell me he wants it that night or even sooner) he repeatedly asks and then gets annoyed then gets moody and arsey with me, sometimes for days, until I eventually give in. In between that time, before I give in, we’ll argue about everything and sometimes I end up saying really mean things just to get him to leave me alone... I hate the person I become. His version of arguing is shouting and swearing even in front of the kids and I hate it! He says I’m never affectionate to him and he feels unloved but if I do so much as give him a hug he takes it as a come-on and won’t leave me alone. He acts as if I should be pleased he finds me so attractive, maybe I’m just being selfish.

So I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable not to have sex with him more. We have gone through patches where we don’t for a week or two and he carries on and on about it, but to be honest I just don’t want it anymore. Recently I’ve made a huge effort, yet I said no the other day because frankly I’m in too much pain all over and it’s been arguments ever since. I’m so miserable.

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1 or 2 times a month

As often as we both at the same time want. Sometimes, that's been once a year. . .

Thanks people ....I am 6 stone heavier than I was when I first met DP I am now 20 stone ....yes I know I should lose weight....yes I am trying. I put on a whole load substituting smoking with eating. Just as well my DP still loves me huh. Weight should have nothing to do with it. People put on weight for a reason usually

Sometimes 1-2 times a week, other times every day. I guess on average 4 times a week, married for 20 years

He's pressuring you for sex even thought he knows you're in pain when you've increased the frequency? (You've told him that you're feeling worse lately, right?) That would make me angry. It's not very sexy when a man cares more about his own "needs" than his wife's physical comfort.

It sounds like he needs to take up some hobby that requires physical exertion. Weight training, walking, anything. It would be good for his health to move more and lose some weight, and maybe it could also provide him with a non-sexual stress-relief, not to mention somewhere else to put some of his focus. I doubt he'd appreciate the suggestion, though!

Also, I'm far more likely to want sex when I'm relaxed and happy. So instead of nagging they could perhaps try to make you happy generally in life on a day to day basis. I.e - not nagging, sharing the mental/manual load in the relationship and household, not be a dick in general, and not create additional aggro and/or manual or mental labour.

I don’t care about the frequency! I care about the TRUTH. Don’t say every day unless you LITERALLY MEAN EVERY DAY
It may well be every day you're getting very angry about a strangers sex life.
I don't know why you couldn't have sex on days mentioned I'd sex with DP the day my DM died it was loving not seedy.
@Russellbrandshair Sounds like an exciting life.

Shit, not letting my DH read this thread, I think he’s had it twice in six months 😬

We have sex very rarely. We both have low sex drive. I have had boyfriends who wanted every single day and that was tiring.

Once a week if he is lucky, we both have busy jobs and need our sleep.

He is up at 5.30am Monday- Friday so life is busy, the sex is great when we do but there is more to life than sex.

Different sex drives is a deal breaker for me. I couldn't be with someone who wanted it every day even at the beginning.

It's not exactly unreasonable to want lots of sex, but his behaviour, and total failure to take any care of himself, is. I don't even weigh 10 stone, so someone putting on that much weight is just....no. You're not obliged to fancy someone who isn't holding up any sort of end of the bargain other than his own arse.

Once or twice a week. I'd like it every day, preferably twice - but DH is of an age where that's not on the cards (I have gone the other way in peri menopause!) However, I can sort myself out in between. Rather that than be a sex pest.

Because it’s just not that black and white. We have children together who adore him and who he adores. It’s not often he shouts in front of them.

OP this is awful, what’s the matter with him, doesn’t he realise you have health conditions, plus your own needs and priorities as an individual.

You should not put up with being treated like this. I know it’s hard when you’re tired and worn down, but I really would sit down with him and point out he is behaving like a sex pest/totally inconsiderate person and it stops now. I also think you need to be clear with him re weight loss. Maybe a months break from the physical would be good, then you can decide what the new framework is.

Don’t put up with this op it is abusive.

First year of our marriage, we were TTC DD2 so we were DTD loads. A month into the second year of our marriage and I conceived DD2 so the amount dropped to probably 3-4 times a month. Now DD2 is 4mo and the last time we had sex brought on my labour. We co-sleep with her though but she’s moving to her next to me crib in the next few weeks. I plan to jump DH then.

Ok that did make me laugh. His argument is that I could be on top so doesn’t have to hurt, I think he just doesn’t believe me when I tell him I hurt all the time no matter what I do (I don’t just mean sex) I have osteoarthritis in my hips, knees thumbs and suspected in other places, plus fibromyalgia.

@PlsSendWine

Because it’s just not that black and white. We have children together who adore him and who he adores. It’s not often he shouts in front of them.

It's not black and white. Nothing in life ever really is but his behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and very much verges (if not already in there) on abusive. Towards you.

@Emeraldshamrock
It’s more to do with this thread. It’s not a happy thread, oh tell me how much you love having sex with your love.
It’s a thread about an areshole who demands sex. And yes I agree the death thing is probably not the best example, but saying flippantly I have sex everyday when that’s physically impossible unless you never go anywhere or do anything outside your own coupledom. And if that’s the case I would suspect it’s not healthy.
Do people really fuck when they’re so sick they’re doubled over the toilet shitting themselves and puking at the same time ?

You’re right, he doesn’t take too well to any suggestions in that direction. He’s reached a point now where walking is painful apparently. Still seems to manage sex though 😡

Sorry but I really wouldn't want an extra 10 stone of flab rolling around all over me how unappealing. I don't even know where to start with what a disgusting sex pest he is. I think you can do better OP

I’ve said this to him, he gets cross and tells me I’m talking crap. Recently he’ll say something then say ‘I expect you’ve got some fancy label for that too?’

I’m exhausted and in more pain than I’ve ever been.

Does he know this? If he does, that’s awful that he keeps pushing you. My DH wouldn’t want to do anything that would cause me pain unnecessarily.

It is not easy when there are DC involved you need to talk fo him, he needs an outlet for his frustration he needs to know he is a sex pest.