How often do married couples really have sex??

[PlsSendWine]

My husband has always wanted a lot of sex. We’ve been together 12 years, married 7 and have 2 older children (mine) and two younger ones (ours).
I’m tired, all the time! I have some health issues which cause chronic fatigue and lots of muscle and joint pains but I still work part time, deal with the house and kids and try to carry on with life as best I can, like we all do.
But he wants sex++, everyday if I’d do it! I’ve tried to give him more and recently we’ve been ‘doing things’ at least twice a week if not more. I’m exhausted and in more pain than I’ve ever been. I don’t really enjoy it anymore, he’s very big (10 stone heavier than when we met!) I just don’t feel attracted to him. But if I say no (usually he’ll text me from work or somewhere else in the house to tell me he wants it that night or even sooner) he repeatedly asks and then gets annoyed then gets moody and arsey with me, sometimes for days, until I eventually give in. In between that time, before I give in, we’ll argue about everything and sometimes I end up saying really mean things just to get him to leave me alone... I hate the person I become. His version of arguing is shouting and swearing even in front of the kids and I hate it! He says I’m never affectionate to him and he feels unloved but if I do so much as give him a hug he takes it as a come-on and won’t leave me alone. He acts as if I should be pleased he finds me so attractive, maybe I’m just being selfish.

So I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable not to have sex with him more. We have gone through patches where we don’t for a week or two and he carries on and on about it, but to be honest I just don’t want it anymore. Recently I’ve made a huge effort, yet I said no the other day because frankly I’m in too much pain all over and it’s been arguments ever since. I’m so miserable.

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@BlueSuffragette

Well done OP for finding the strength to do that. Stick to it. Best wishes x

Thank you xx

Congrats OP for taking action to stop this!

What did he say? Hope his behaviour improves.

Ps. If parents don't get on children are better off having them separate. My parents shouted at each other a lot and when my mum moved us all to our Gran's the stress levels reduced sooo much. We could enjoy both parents without feeling like we were in the middle of a fight. Happy parents = happy kids. Please don't assume the best for the kids is always staying :)

Best of luck xx

@SoulofanAggron @ItisLikethisThis is a bit of a tangent from the thread. But Lovehoney Magic Wand

Thank you for the recommendation. Delivery is due today!

Been together 16 years, 2 kids we do it every day but that is irrelevant because your husband is acting like a sex pest and his approach would make anyone clamp their legs together.

What's worse is that you are tired and in pain and he doesn't seem to care about that.

Further he needs to take a look in the mirror and consider that his weight gain might be a further turn off.

I think you need to have strong words with him and give him some home truths.

Well he knows now. How did he respond?

@PlsSendWine. Well done. Good luck. Xxxxxx

Twice a month atm 🙈🙈🙈

How are you doing OP

@Italiangreyhound

How are you doing OP

Funny you should ask...it has been going well until this morning as he ‘assumed we would probably have sex as it’s Valentine’s Day ’ 😩 so there was an unpleasant conversation where everything is my fault in every way no matter what I do or say and now he’s gone to work. Thanks for asking x

He's making an assumption based on what day it is. Quite sad really. He doesn't realise how much he has hurt and betrayed you.

Have you decided to stay together? You don't need to answer if you don't want to. Xxxx

@Italiangreyhound

He's making an assumption based on what day it is. Quite sad really. He doesn't realise how much he has hurt and betrayed you.

Have you decided to stay together? You don't need to answer if you don't want to. Xxxx

I’ve stuck to what I said to him (see the previous post). There’s been no shouting or swearing. This morning was all twisting and turning and I guess gaslighting...? It’s very difficult to just end things when there is love still there so I want to give him a chance to change and I guess there will be setbacks like today until he realises I mean what I said. xx

Well done for staying firm. He needs to know you mean business. you are very courageous.

My friend is married to an alcoholic. She gave him chances to change and I saw him squander them. He thought it was all about him. In his own time. He forget there were two if them in the relationship.

I really hope your husband will see the need to change.

Would he consider counselling on his own, do you think?

Is working on a Sunday normal? Or a chance to duck out if family life?

He was out of work for a long time so trying very hard to make up money to pay off debt we (mostly he) built up. I can’t fault how work ethic.

To answer the original question? Married 25 years, and for us it's 2 or 3 times a week. I have much lower libido than DH. Mid-week I like/want to have sex, I sometimes think it must be works/stress related? But it really helps me get through the week!!

So midweek is certainly all about me :) We have sex once and sometimes twice (to be honest if it's a 2nd time on weekend then I'm fairly passive and DH does the work!).

He’s been out of work a long time & has grown grossly obese. You have the patience of a saint to put up with this. Does he understand that if you were to break up then as he currently is practically nobody would want to date him?

So this essentially means you’re expected to have sex with someone that the vast majority of the population wouldn’t consider as a sexual partner.

I've been thinking about you, OP. I hope you're OK x

Thank you xx he’s improved but things are still pretty crap. The fact that he’s improved shows me he’s trying, and he’s started ‘dieting’ today.....the dieting never lasts but you never know, there’s a first time for everything.

To answer the question: 2-3 times a month but that’s usually all in the same week, around ovulation.

This is awful OP I’m so sorry. Of course you don’t fancy a fat rude angry man who doesn’t care that you’re in pain. I don’t have a solution for you but please don’t let yourself be bullied into painful sex, that’s a bit rapey. Maybe talk to a helpline? Good luck.