How often do married couples really have sex??

[PlsSendWine]

My husband has always wanted a lot of sex. We’ve been together 12 years, married 7 and have 2 older children (mine) and two younger ones (ours).
I’m tired, all the time! I have some health issues which cause chronic fatigue and lots of muscle and joint pains but I still work part time, deal with the house and kids and try to carry on with life as best I can, like we all do.
But he wants sex++, everyday if I’d do it! I’ve tried to give him more and recently we’ve been ‘doing things’ at least twice a week if not more. I’m exhausted and in more pain than I’ve ever been. I don’t really enjoy it anymore, he’s very big (10 stone heavier than when we met!) I just don’t feel attracted to him. But if I say no (usually he’ll text me from work or somewhere else in the house to tell me he wants it that night or even sooner) he repeatedly asks and then gets annoyed then gets moody and arsey with me, sometimes for days, until I eventually give in. In between that time, before I give in, we’ll argue about everything and sometimes I end up saying really mean things just to get him to leave me alone... I hate the person I become. His version of arguing is shouting and swearing even in front of the kids and I hate it! He says I’m never affectionate to him and he feels unloved but if I do so much as give him a hug he takes it as a come-on and won’t leave me alone. He acts as if I should be pleased he finds me so attractive, maybe I’m just being selfish.

So I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable not to have sex with him more. We have gone through patches where we don’t for a week or two and he carries on and on about it, but to be honest I just don’t want it anymore. Recently I’ve made a huge effort, yet I said no the other day because frankly I’m in too much pain all over and it’s been arguments ever since. I’m so miserable.

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We do it every day - have done for the last 25 years or so. BUT other people’s sex lives really don’t matter. It’s what YOU are comfortable with that’s important.

Judging people for having too little or too much sex is wrong. It’s up to each individual couple to figure out what works for them. It’s no one else’s place to judge that.

10 whole stones

God grace me with the confidence of a man

15 years that should be not 25

Late 40s here. Been together almost 20 years. At it like rabbits first 3 years then had DS. up and down over the last 17 years from 2/3 times a week to 2/3 times a month. At the moment a combination of the 3 of us in a very small 2 bedroom flat, covid meaning DS is around ALL THE TIME and DP having ED through anti-depressants it is barely once in the last 6 months!!

We are at a bit of a low due to baby DD plus 4 yr old plus full time work, I'm knackered a lot. I try to manage once a week but I think we'd both prefer twice

Also. Yes so DH has a lower sex drive than I do. It doesn’t mean I can demand sex. Sometimes I initiate it and I can tell he’s not in the mood for it. But he’s always kind about it and always suggests we cuddle up etc and has in the past said, that he could find ways to pleasure me that didn’t involve non penetrative sex (I prefer the cuddle option!).

I cannot literally imagine a situation where DH and I would force each other to do something that would leave the other person in pain, for our own pleasure. That’s the definition of sadism.

Maybe twice a year?

Not very often.

I would suggest your DH is heading for ill health and possibly an early grave if he has put on 10 stone in weight in 12 years.

Literally no one has sex every single day. That’s fucking bullshit

I rarely say this, but I think you should LTB. He sounds awful and abusive and you are really suffering. (Note to other pps: this thread isn't about how often you have sex, despite the title; it's about the struggles that OP is having)

I’m genuinely surprised your husband can retain an erection at 10 stone over weight

@Marinaloves

Literally no one has sex every single day. That’s fucking bullshit

What a bizarre comment to make. I guess you find it really challenging to imagine that not everyone is exactly the same as you

I could easily say “I simply don’t believe anyone has sex once a month” - BULLSHIT!

@Russellbrandshair
When people say “I have sex every day”
What they mean is most days

Do you have sex even though your mum died that day. Do you have sex even though your partner is away, did you have sex when you were in a&e with your child. Did you have sex when you were ill with the flu.

I don’t care about the frequency! I care about the TRUTH. Don’t say every day unless you LITERALLY MEAN EVERY DAY

Your husband sounds vile physically and personality wise. Couldn't have sex with anyone who was so large they physically hurt me and who pestered me to tell me we were having sex that day.

Roadtohades
Exactly. Lots of people are missing the very obvious point and just want to literally answer the title question

@Marinaloves

I’m genuinely surprised your husband can retain an erection at 10 stone over weight

Or that he can find the damn thing

Sorry but I’m still

Thanks roadtohades for setting us straight there. My answer to how many times AND the OP is that the OP husband is being a twat. People often go through a honeymoon period but then life happens. Sex is not a given and he needs to fucking grow up. Having said that if the OP hasn't actually sat down and talked it through with her husband then maybe he doesn't understand where she is coming from.

Communication, communication, communication ....I say it three times because it is soooo important. If the OP has had the talk and is not getting heard then maybe this pelationship hjas run it's course

@Indoctro

I would be talking him he is getting nothing till he loses 10 stones. That's a horrendous amount of weight gain. Just tell him your not attracted to him looking like that and if he wants a sexy life he better get on a diet

Hopefully it takes him 3 years to lose the weight ..... in the mean time you have a perfect excuse not to sleep with the horror that he is.

Couldn’t agree more. Having sex with a overweight slob would not turn anyone on. Also the new law about coercion and abusive behaviour was to cover things like this

I'm sorry OP your Dh sounds horrible. How on earth can you have sex with him he must be at least 20 stone. They thought of having someone that heavy on top of you especially with your illness is appalling! It doesn't matter how often other ppl have sex that is red herring frankly, if you don't feel well enough he looks after you, helps you , is kind to you, not harrangs you and manipulates you into having sex to shut him up.

*relationship

don’t care about the frequency! I care about the TRUTH. Don’t say every day unless you LITERALLY MEAN EVERY DAY

Well luckily people aren’t dying or going to A&e every day so sure, we do.

But there’s always judgement on here about sex generally. If you do it more than once a month with the lights on you are deemed some kind of sex crazed perv

@peak2021

I would suggest your DH is heading for ill health and possibly an early grave if he has put on 10 stone in weight in 12 years.

Don’t get op’s hopes up!

Op, he’s an abusive dick. Would you want to have sex with someone who didn’t want to have sex with you? Isn’t there a name for that??

When will men realise that the least sexy thing a man can do is pester/whinge/nag for sex on a daily basis.